Amy Weber- Bondage Model

February 4 2011

2012-02-04T12:05:00.004-05:00

Believe this or not, I have been biting my tongue on this Jane Basharamurder case. Here are some facts: JaneBashara was married to Bob Basharafor 26 years. Jane Bashara was reported missing byher husband on Tuesday January 24^th 2011. Her SUV containing herbody was found the next day in the morning.
Ok, On January 21^st, the Saturday before all thishappened, we were introduced to Bob Bashara with a woman named Bellaat a fetish party. First impression of the man was arrogant, cocky, snobbish,and just generally rude and aloof. Neither of us had ever met him before norknew anything about him. After the introduction, small talk, then he and Bellahad walked off to do something else. Through the evening of the fetish party,he and Bella returned to our table and sat down. Not to talk to us, but justsat at our table.

This Fetish party happens often and is attended by most ofthe usual group. There are those that go to be social, see people that they seeonly once in a while, usually at the party. There are those that go to use thedungeon furniture to play on with their submissive. Of course, if I mentionedeverything, I would be here all day.

Anyhow, for the most part we go to be social for we areprivate. There are times that we play at these parties, or bring someonecurious or interested in the lifestyle to let them see the various thingspeople do. Then of course you have the insecure Dominants that when they play,they do things and then look around to see who may be watching them. If they donot have enough watching, or a particular person or group, they step up theirplay. So insecure and infantile!

At this party, we did not see BobBashara or Master Bob,as he demands to be referred to, play at all. I belong to my Lord & Master Paul!Bob, because I refuse to call himmaster, thought that I should be obedient to him because he is a Dom? I do notthink so! I do not belong to him and there are protocols that govern most andthe interactions between Doms and subs alike.

This of course secured my opinion of this asshole withoutdoubts! Paul did not think too much ofhim either. Anyhow, when the news broke about his wife being missing then foundmurdered, was to me, just another story on the news. Until I saw Bob at a candle light vigil for his wife. He spoke topeople and to the media and he was playing a completely different person.

He tried to come off as caring, unsure, and wondering whathappened to Jane. This is NOT thearrogant asshole I met at the party. Immediately I knew he was living twolives. At the party, he mentioned in the initial conversations that he had afully equipped and outfitted dungeon! It is not unusual for someone in thislifestyle to live two lives.

If you look at it, there are the most powerful kinds ofpeople that you would know of that are submissive’s. Politicians, Police, fire,Doctors, Nurses, CEO’s, Lawyers,you name it! They live a powerful and influential life normally but yearn for atime when they are not in control. On the other hand, they could take it theother way, and be dominate. Have submissive’s of their own. So you just neverknow. Now Bob had a father that was ajudge, he is into real-estate, community service, and so much more. So it fitshe was hiding this aspect of his life. I do not fault him for that, not manypeople are publically known for being in this lifestyle.

Myself, I am public about it. I love it in my personal life,I model for it, and well, I wouldn’t go as far to say I champion the lifestyle,but I am not ashamed of it. I do not walk around with a sandwich board onstating I am into an alternate lifestyle look at me. If someone were to ask meoutright, I would tell them honestly. For me, I love the freedom of beingsubmissive. I have written about this before, so I am not going to get all intoit again. Being submissive for me as I said is freedom.

I am getting off track. Of course, the police areinvestigating. Bob and his wife livedin Grosse Pointe Park, Michigan,Jane’s body was found on the east sideof Detroit. Therefore,the investigation is joint until evidence shows that the murder happened in oneor the other places. Having been a sheriff, I can say from personal experiencethat I personally know a number of Detroit Police that supplement their incomesby leaking information to the media. Things that compromise investigations bytipping defendants, attorneys, the jury pool, etc.

Well it was leaked the first evening of the investigationthat Bob failed a polygraph. It is aninvestigative tool, and not admissible in court. Leaking this in a case gives adefendant or person of interest a chance to get with an attorney, have aPRIVATE polygraph to suit their needs, and boom, conflicting polygraphs. Alllaying the groundwork for reasonable doubt. Now I am on the side of being asfair as I can in regards to defendants. I am not however, into tippingdefendants so they can manipulate the case and get away with murder. Withoutgetting into it, look at the O.J. Simpson trial for the murder of his wife Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman.It is about how much justice you can afford!

Anyhow, with this leak and the fact that Bob or the media had not broken the lifestyle angleof the case, it makes for many twists and turns. The case had drawn nationalmedia attention and of course, it was not long, but the media finally broadcastthe fetish lifestyle angle and his dungeon.

The woman Bella that I mentioned earlier was obviously nothis wife! She was one of his mistresses. The viewing and funeral happened withinthe last few of days. The late afternoon of Jane’sfuneral, a local well-known defense attorney walked into Bob’shouse. As soon as he retained this attorney, things started changing.

The defense attorney did exactly as mentioned, went, and gota contradicting polygraph. Yesterday, this attorney held and two-hour news conferencewhen he gave his version of what happened to Jane.Just how the hell can he do that without being there? There was a man that wentto police saying he helped Bob withthe murder. The police held him for 72 hours then released him without filingcharges. Anyhow, this attorney went on to say, “Joeclaimed Bob owed him money, he couldhave gone to the house, confronted Jane,an exchange of words. A slap in the face because he was rude…” and so forth.Come on now, to me this just convinces me further that Bobdid it! His attorney is putting so much mud in the water to distract. As I said,how can he make statements of what happened unless he was there! Maybe thisattorney should be a suspect? He has knowledge of what happened, see how thiscan twist?

Bob stepped out ofhis house where the media has been camped out and he had his mother and son athis side. He gave a statement to the media of how grateful he is for thesupport of family, friends, etc. While he was talking, he didn’t look people inthe face, he averted his eyes almost the entire time. His mother had a look oftotal disgust on her face, his son just standing there. At one point, Bob took a handkerchief to wipe his eyes. Now themedia was zoomed in, there was no extra gloss or moisture in his eyes, nothingran from the corners of his eyes, he touched the handkerchief to one eye thenthe other. What a faker!

The best part is this, since police released Joe from custody, the family and Bob are in fear of their lives from this man. Theydemanded police protection and surveillance, give me a break! The real murderis in the house! Joe had gone topolice reportedly to avoid being thrown under the bus and have all this laid athis feet. Bob in his first interviewwith police gave them Joe’s name. Icompletely believe that he was going to trash Joeand pin this on him! That is just what he is doing! Bobis 6’4”, 260 pounds,and goes by the name Big Bob. Like he is going to be afraid of a man 5’9”, 150 pounds. Yeah I knowanything can happen, but the arrogance I seen in this man would not fear Joe.

I have just had enough of this case and all the bullshitthat is going on with it. The attorney is on the news all the time, giving hisopinion, which he has the right to do, but his reasoning is to taint the case!He is trying to make it very difficult to have someone think Bob did it without some doubts.

Another pet peeve is the media! They and I never got along. Theyalways input their personal opinions and beliefs into a story, or worse yet,sensationalize it! Guns, drugs, affairs, religion, alternate lifestyles,anything gives them fuel for the fire. They make demons of things theydisapprove of, condemn those that do things that are not proper (in theiropinion). I could never be that fake all the time! Especially when interviewingsomeone famous. They could look like a total dog or pile of shit and they wouldsay the beautiful or handsome. God give me a break!

I like things that others do not. Others like and do thingsI do not like or approve of. What gives me the right to dictate how or whatthey do? If it is not illegal, who gives a shit! Take for instance; years ago,there was a shooting resulting in a murder outside of a gay bar in Detroit. It was the victim’sfault because he was gay. At least that is what the twist was on the news. Theydo not worry about getting definitions right, for example… there are CD’s(crossedresser’s), TV’s (transvestites), TS (transsexual), or TG (blanketterm). The person murdered was a TS. The media kept referring to the victim asa “he” instead of her as she portrayed herself. They kept referring to thevictim as a TV, which is NOT TS.

Definition time: CD – Crossdresser; usually someone thatthat dresses in the opposite genders role for the comfort of being that. TV –Transvestite; usually someone that dresses in the opposite gender for sexualgratification with no desires to male complete changes to their life. TS –Transsexual; someone that feels he or she was born into the wrong outwardphysical gender and desires to change that through permanent surgery. TG –Transgender; a blanket term to encompass all of the mentioned.

Now the media keeps reporting in this Bashara case that the prosecutor’soffice has not received paperwork in reference to warrant requests. Why wouldyou report that? So you can break that part of the story and let the bad guyknow they are coming for them. So they can run and become a fugitive? I justwill never understand these vultures! Especially in this case where Bob was named as the “Only Person of Interest”! Anyreport of an arrest warrant and he is gone, in the wind!

I just do not get it anymore. What things have become, wherethey may go. Everyone seems so concerned that someone is doing something thatsomeone else does not approve of and so on. When will they bring theInquisition back? When it be a police state like in the movie “V for Vendetta”.

Just to further this torment, let us talk about Romney. He is caught up saying publically on video that heis not concerned about the poor for they have a safety net. Really? What areyou smoking? The only safety net for the poor is welfare… and that is becominglimited and non-existent! Then when questioned about it, he says he miss-spoke?Again… Really?

Read my last port to get my take on the political things inthis world. Now to get some rest before getting ready for a wonderful night outwith Paul.

Amy

January 26th, 2012

2012-01-26T23:39:00.000-05:00

Well I have a little new news to mention. I recently made iton the “team” with my fiancé Paul forhis pool league. We played last week and I lost four of four games that I shot.This week, I won one of four games. Thing is though, the game that I did win,was against one of the top three players in this league! The games that I had lostwere only by one or two balls. Only one had a table run on me.

Other than that, I have already done my taxes. I am one ofthose that like to get it done as soon as I can. Waiting until the last minuteis not something I do or that is my style. The good news is, as usual for me, Ido not owe taxes, and I get a refund from federal and state.

Recently in the news have been stories of escalatingviolence and crime in or near the community that I live in. Just this week thebig news is the murder of a woman from not far from here. Apparently, she hadmade it home from work on Tuesday, because they found her work ID and otheritems in the house. That night her husband reported her missing. The nextmorning, a tow truck driver found her car containing her body only miles fromhere.

Things have become so bad within the city of Detroit, that thecriminals and those looking to do things to others have spread. In Detroit, if someonebreaks into your home, you wait up to 48 hours for a scout car to show up totake a report, if one shows at all! On the other hand, the city “requests” thatyou use their crime reporting line. A criminal activity report over the phone. Therefore,if your home is burglerized in Detroit,the police do not print, or take photos, or anything else. They give you areport number to give your insurance company and that is it. Gee, I wonder whyinsurance is costly in the city and why insurance fraud is so high there too!

With that said, those that wish to do home invasions,robberies, burglaries, and so much more have moved into the surrounding, moreaffluent neighborhoods. Now the one big difference here is that the crimes willhappen. However, but the police around here actually will dust from prints, andtake photos, and have a good case closure rate. Therefore, even though it willhappen, there is a far better chance that someone is going to be caught andarrested.

I have the ability to listen to the police radio in thisarea. It stays very busy, and more so since the New Year. Like I mentioned, themurder, a high-speed chase resulting in an injury accident, and so much more.

I hope that as you read the first paragraph you noticed thatI used the word fiancé. Paul and Ihave spoke of it, and talked about when we do… so I am using fiancé. He feelsit too; we just have not taken that official step. With every passing day, heand I grow closer and closer.

Like last night when we played pool, when he or I was not upshooting, I was very touchy feely. He noticed! I have just never met someonelike him. Someone that makes me feel like he makes me feel. Someone that I amso in tuned with. Someone that makes everything about me change just by walkinginto the room with me. My breathing, my pulse, just everything!

Last Saturday we had gone to a fetish party. Paul had found someone that did not want to go alone.So she followed us down in her own car. I do not know much about her, at leastat the time we were going to that party. However, her name is Laura; she is 47, pretty and a mother. So, being thecop I became nosey. She is very bright, and she and I share a blunt, rather inyour face style.

She was supposed to come by today after a job interview. Nevertheless,the interview ran long and she had arrangements to see her daughter. So we willjust get together tomorrow night at the end of the month munch in Utica. Paul and I will be going, and Laurawill drive down to meet us there. She is trying to find out about the lifestylebut has trust issues.

Rightfully so, this is a dangerous lifestyle in many ways.There is bondage, which makes you vulnerable and once vulnerable, well you getit. There is fire play, breath play for some, needle play, blood, and so muchmore. Not to mention if you get involved with the wrong crowd, you get beaten,passed around like a party favor and just generally become property. Within thelifestyle, there are floggers, canes, whips, paddles, nipple clamps, weights,and frankly… if you can think of it, people are doing it!

Do not get me wrong, it is all fine… as long as it ishappening between consenting adults. Some have need of the more brutaltreatments, and then there are the ones that like the sensual side of thislifestyle. The ones raised to respect women but are naturally dominate in theirnature. I am in the lifestyle as is Paul.He is more the sensual Dominate.

I sense that I have gone is a very weird winding circle inwriting this tonight. Oh well this is my diary, not a Stephen Kingnovel. Right now I am watching “The big bang theory” since cable has SO manychannels and there is nothing but shit to watch!

I am going to walk a fine line here in talking aboutpolitics. Paul and my politics areextreme opposites! I have no desires for ANY of the candidates vying for theRepublican nomination. Romney refused and gave theimpression of hiding something regarding his tax records. When he toldreporters he would not release them until Aprilwas just wrong. Of course waiting until Aprilwould mean AFTER all the primaries! Then when he changed his mind, the damagewas done. At least in my mind.

Gingrich is just terrifying to me! He is extreme in waysthat do not begin to touch the imagination. When I was in the Marine Corps (84 –92), Gingrich was in Congress under President Ronald Reagan.The only Republican President that I supported. Then under Clinton,Gingrich had an in your face, I am going to do what I want to do attitude asSpeaker of the House. Then of course, his idea for the Contract with

America

gained him notice. He is ALWAYS at odds with the press, which I can understand,but to him the press is anti-republican! Whatever!

The other candidates, what other candidates? If I HAD tochoose, against Paul I would have togo to with Romney. I believe President Obama can beat him. Now if I trulyhad a choice in politics, I would say… get a broom and sweep them all out!Start over with rules against the money driven bullshit that really drivespoliticians. Every day kinds of people, with every day kinds of problems,mortgages, jobs, etc. Then they will have a TRUE idea of what all of us gothough to just make due and survive and provide for our families.

Of course, I would make those that make over $100,000 a yearmore accountable. Close loopholes that let them pay a lower tax rate than youor I. Tax rates would be based on your income, not how many breaks and backalleys you can go through. The current schools of thought are that if the richhave breaks, they will be more inclined to spend and hire. Give me a break!

How many rich people do any of you know that would pinch apenny? That would tip FAR less than you or I would to a waitress? We wouldlikely tip more, even if we don’t have a lot ourselves, because we recognizegood service! The tip should fit the service. We would recognize someonebusting his or her ass to do a good job!

Here in Michigan,Governor Snyderis talking about raising the gas tax and vehicle registration fees. All in thename of fixing our roads. I call BULLSHIT again! Michiganhas the HIGHEST allowable weight limits for trucks in the

United States

. The Governor isgoing to raise these costs in a state where unemployment is still at an ALL TIME high! Where people are fighting to justsave their homes, put food on the table, and take care of their children.

Why is it that in politics, that politicians always seem towant to balance budgets or fund projects on the backs of those with the least? Again,in Michiganthings are still in the toilet! Then the Emergency Manager thing that Snyder enacted. I love this actually! Cities in Michigan like Ecorse, Highland Park,Pontiac, Flint, and soon Detroitknow about Emergency Managers. Snyder however gave unprecedentedpower to the EM. To cancel contracts, fire officials elected or otherwise. Of course,now that Detroitis looking to have an EM appointed, it is raciest.

That the EM bill was to “Take Over” black run communities. Oh,come on already, not everything is to “take over” or diminish the black communities.The Civil War was so long ago, GETOVER IT! You are still not beingoppressed! If anything, they are self-segregating themselves. They have theNAACP, United Negro College Fund, and so much more. However, if a whitecommunity or group were to have such organizations, it is racist!

Now I am not racist, not in the least. However, come on, ifyou have your own groups and exclude others, are you not doing the same thing? Moreover,if there was a white group, and a black was excluded, it would be racist.Apples and oranges! Just like every time I ever arrested a black, it was onlybecause of their skin color to them. No, it was not, but you can never convincethem of that! They are in the prisons and jails because they rather take theeasy way of doing things and steal, deal drugs, and so much more instead of geta job. Then of course, they do all of those things because blacks cannot getjobs in white

America

.Oh please! I have arrested just as many whites, Asians, Arabs, and other racesas much as I did blacks.

Now let me review, I touched on politics and race… two ofthe hottest and worst topics to talk about. I wonder how much feedback or flackI am going to get for what I have said. I do not hide it. As I said, I am not aracist. My daughter has a child in common with a black man. He is a wonderfulyoung man, and he is doing his part for the child he and my daughter have. Ithink Chris Rock said it best in one of his skitscalled “Niggas vs. Blacks” At the ATM late at night, you’re not looking overyour shoulder for a black man, you’re looking for a nigga! I know many blackpeople that are very upstanding and respectable people. They work, take care oftheir responsibilities, help others, and so much more.

Of course now I have gone and done it, I used the nigga word…oh ahhhh. It is just a word! I do not use it in a racist tone or way.

Well I think that I have done enough tonight. Therefore, I amgoing to close and say good night all. Let those that you know that you lovethem, tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Amy

January 12, 2012

2012-01-12T15:29:00.002-05:00

The last time I had wrote, was prior to the New Year. Between Christmas and New Years Eve. New Years Eve Paul and I had been able to spend time together. It meant so much to me to bring in the New Year with him! With the exception of my daughter, he is the only thing that really matters in my life!

He completes me in so many ways! He brings purpose and meaning to my existence that I had not had before. For he and I have are so perfectly matched! So destined to be together! He has my heart, my soul, my very essence.
Some of you may know already from following me that I am into a BDSM & D/s lifestyle. Paulis my Lord and Master! Even though our relationship is much more than the BDSM or D/s, it has a place in our relationship. I have a love of bondage, which helped in my becoming a model of bondage.

The other night, we attended a Munch (which is a social lifestyle get together). We had met some new people, and old friends alike. One friend of ours, Nancy was talking with someone that was there with her. Nancy was explaining that I was the one in the photo she had seen with the Great JJ Plush!
Being a submissive to me is very important. It is who I am! Even though careers that I have had were ones of command, control, and dominance, it is not who I am in my heart. Being able to submit to someone has a special feeling. Of course not just anyone, but a special someone, that has my heart!

Then being submissive to someone like Paul, that has my love and total trust, is beyond any words could ever explain. Being able to sit on the floor next to his leg, embracing it with my head upon his thigh, is the most, oh hell I cannot think of a good word for this! For him, he explains to me, it is a feeling that is indescribable as well. That he tells me that the feeling it gives him when I sit on the for holding his leg.

Let us take a small look at that. I have been a US Marine Military Police Officer & Recruiter. I have been a Sheriff’s Deputy for many a year. I am a powerful personality, strong in will, and capable of handling almost any situation that comes upon me. However, I choose to go with what I feel from inside of me, to be submissive to a dominate man! To surrender all that I am to him. All choice and decisions.

Of course my relationship with Paulis more than that. It is a true and strong relationship unlike any other I have ever had. Never have I known a man such as Paul. Which makes my submission to him all that more rich and important! The best part is he knows it!
To submit oneself to someone else is a huge step in life. For when they have you vulnerable and bound, your very life is in that persons hand. If there is little or no trust, it is just plain out dangerous!

The feelings that come over me as I am bound, serving my Lord& Master, or just being with him reach father than the ends of the galaxy itself! When he binds me, the total freedom that washes over me is very powerful. Yes, I did say freedom. For being bound makes me free from everything. Free from making any descions, free from whatever happens, etc. Free to enjoy whatever is done to me or that I am indulged to do.

I have lost my thought and direction in all I was trying to say. I hope that I have been able to express myself to some degree. If anyone that reads this has any questions, would like to make comments, or just say anything to me, my email is msamyweber@gmail.com

Take care of yourselves, and let those that you love know it! Tomorrow is not promised to anyone!

Amy

December 4th 2011

2011-12-04T12:06:00.001-05:00

In keeping with my goals, I am updating once again. It hasbeen a few days and Thanksgiving had come and gone. Pauland I had our Thanksgiving on Monday the 28^th of November. I hadmade a shank ham, sweet potato mash, and some cinnamon rolls. Hey, the icing issweet and good! Paul was very happy withthe dinner that I had made for us.

The other day, Paulhad brought me an early Christmas gift. He got me an limited edition Lucasi L-D7pool cue. The one that I have is number 114 of 150. It is black ebony with pinkand silver rings. It feels great and I actually much better with it. See Paul has thought for a long time that I am sandbaggingwhen he and I play. Than when he seen how much better I play with the new cue,he believes it so much more! Honestly, I am not though!

On Wednesday, Paulhad his pool league night. We traveled to Johnny B Good’s in Warren.While the guys played, I took my cue and played or practiced on a table twodown from them. Now when I was playing, I was wearing a black sweater, blackslacks, black leather jacket, black lace textured pantyhose, and 4-inch black patentheels. Of course, I made sure to be bending over my table when the opposingplayers were facing me. I do not know if it distracted anyone, but it was fun.The other guys on Paul’s team realizedwhat I was doing.

Right now, I am waiting on Paulto come over for the evening. I have no idea what we will do or he may haveplanned. I do hope that it will involve bondage and whips. Always a good startto an evening lol. He may want to go out and play pool, or just get out of thehouse. Whatever it is, I will be happy as I will be with him.

Last night I was feeling cooped up so about 7p I had wentout to ride my bike. Of course many people likely thought I was nuts. Nevertheless,it was brisk and refreshing. I had a migraine that hurt like hell, and it wasmaking my stomach upset. Getting out into the night air helped with the tummyissues. On my way back home, I stopped at a local bar called the Ugly Duck.Yes, goofy name, but actually a nice place.

I sat there enjoying a beer than another. Not muchhappening, only about 10 people in the place, and I was one of three women. Youwould almost think the Duck is a gay bar lol. Really it isn’t, I am justpicking.

Someone I worked with came into the bar; she was surprised tosee me without Paul. She stopped inprior to going to the Elks Lodge for an open party. I had finished my beers, andthen went outside to get my bike. After I unlocked it, I rode to the corner andstopped in the gas station. Now I had cravings for munchies! God I wish therewas a White Castle closer! That would have hit thespot!

From there I went home. I know, many of you are reading thisoh so exciting life that I lead. In the winter it does really slow down for me.I have about 3 photographers keeping in touch to shoot with me. That will befun, mostly because I enjoy it so much. I was talking to another girl that I workwith and she came over. I think that I got her interested in doing some bondagemodeling. So we will see…

Well I am running out of things to write about. Therefore, Iwill close this entry. I hope that all of you had a fantastic Thanksgiving andspent quality time with loved ones.

Remember to let those you love know that you love and careabout them, for tomorrow is not promised to anyone!

Amy

November 27th 2011

2011-11-27T12:36:00.001-05:00

I have not written for a while so I am going to try to catchup now. Wow, I just checked and I have not written in the last 20 days! Damn I cannotlet this happen again. I cannot slack on my writing again. To my readers, I apologize.

The last couple of entries where very heavy and deeplypersonal. I hope those of you that read from me found it to be honest and bluntlyopenly, as I have intended since I had begun writing many years ago. I havesince come slowly out of that depressing hole of despair about things in mypast. Those moments will rise again next year, but that is what it has to be. Itis the only way that I can deal with the many tragedies that my father visitedupon me over the years.

Paul and I wereshopping for a pool cue for me. He plays on leagues, and he and I play when wecan. When I get my own cue, he and I are hoping to get on a couples league. Paul is a wholesaler of pool cues and does repairs tothem all. The cue he purchased for me is a brand called Lucasi. The stick that Ihad choose is a black ebony stick with bright pink rings made of asemi-precious stone with silver bands. A really nice cue stick! I can hardlywait!

Other than that, it has been a routine life if there everwas such a thing. My granddaughter has had her first birthday! God she is soprecious! It still amazes me that I am a grandmother! I know that when mydaughter was a child, she had grown up way to fast! All kids do I believe. Istill remember when we took my daughter to Cedar Point for her 5^thbirthday. The best thing is that my daughter still remembers it vividly! Thatis as the commercials say, PRICELESS!

Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving for Pauland I. Just us, no family, no friends, no distractions or intruders. He hadobligations on the actual Thanksgiving that prevented our sharing it together.It was one of the most painfully lonely days of my life! I sat watching TV,football, movies, all trying not think about it. However, I had cried most ofthe day missing the holiday with him!

I will be making a nice shank ham! Yes, I know turkey istraditional, but I tend to like ham more than turkey. It is good, just not mybird of choice lol. I will garnish the ham with sliced pineapple and orangeslices, glaze over it with honey and chives, the cook it in a Vernors broth. Withit, I will be making a mashed sweet potato bake and some veggie. I have abottle of red wine for the dinner and it should be just wonderful!

Friday night, Pauland I attended a lifestyle munch in Utica.It is a social setting in a public venue and open at any and all. We attendlocal parties, but the munches offer a chance to see people that do not alwaysmake it to a party.

Speaking of parties, Pauland I attended a lifestyle party last night. In past years, there were manyparties to choose from. Now there are but a few, and the one we went to lastnight was very dead! Maybe 50 people in attendance instead of the 200 normally.I bet they will have trouble making the rent on the hall with those numbers,which will cost yet another party. There will always be the parties; thedifferent thing will be how far one has to travel to get to one. The remainingparty in the area is at a VFW and the operators of the VFW are supportive andin attendance. Of course, their presence is to run the bar, maintain lights andHVAC among other things.

I do not know, it just seems that things are dropping offand away like flies. Not just lifestyle things, but also everything costs moreand more. The government helped Wall Street and Wall Street is back to doingbusiness as usual. Case in point, all of the protesters camping out to drawattention to it. Why doesn’t the government go after these fat cats that do notknow when enough is enough? Same reason they do not go after big oil. Eachpolitician is bought and paid for! If any other industry were to raise pricesjust because they want too, someone would climb all over them! However, big oilsimply raises prices and feeds the public some lame excuse of shortage.

When Hurricane Katrina happened, I can see them justifyinghigher prices because some of the rigs in the gulf were hit. Nevertheless,going from about $2 a gallon to over $5 in places is ridiculous! What more is ridiculousis that since big oil had been able to raise prices then, then NEVER let pricescome back down.

When the government raises cost cutting ideas of stopping subsidiesfor big oil, big oil runs commercials trying to scare the public of all thepeople that will be out of work and how it would raise the cost even more. Fearis a hell of a motivating emotion. Again, how much is enough?

This country is bought and paid for by those raking inBILLIONS of dollars! Then the government wants to cut things that the generalpublic desperately needs. This is not meant to be a political stance in eitherdirection, just an observation. However, when Democrats want to raise taxes onthose that can afford raised taxes more than any of can, the Republicans rushin and say HELL NO! Why? Because those that taxes would go up on are majorcontributors to them? Maybe because the politicians themselves will be amongthem!

Just like news that broke recently about insider trading.Members of the Senate or Congress can buy and sell stocks with insideinformation that you and I will never have. Not to mention that if they aregoing to approve a new government contract, say in Boeing or National Steel,these politicians go buy Millions of stocks, and then cash in BIG! How is thisright? If anyone else does it, they are charged with insider trading andjailed! It should make most think, what else are they hiding that they aremaking money hand over fist with?

Ok, I will step down from my soapbox but it really shouldhelp people think and ask pointed questions. This evening I will be watching myPittsburg Steelers play at Kansas City.Of course, I hope they win for I have been a Steelers fan since I was a veryyoung child.

I hope that all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and werespending the day with those you love and care about!

Until next time, remember to let those you love and careabout, know it! Tomorrow is not promised to anyone!

Amy

November 7th 2011

2011-11-07T23:05:00.001-05:00

November 7^th 2011

I have written more lately than I have in a long time. Thisfor me is good, because I get to chronical and express things happening. Todaywas an uneventful day for the most part. Pauland I had gone to lunch then did a little shopping. Nothing to remarkable,since shopping was at Bed, Bath & Beyond lol.

Tomorrow is Paul’sbirthday and I hope to make it a very good birthday for him. He and I are tothe age where gifts are nice but not necessary. I will be taking him out to eatand he is having a taste for lobster. Fine with me! I want tomorrow to be asstress free for him, so he can just enough himself and relax. Anything hewants.

This week is as I mentioned in an earlier entry veryemotional for me. For instance, tomorrow is Paul’sbirthday; Thursday is the date of my mother’s murder & the Marine Corpsbirthday. Even though this next one is not this week, but my granddaughterturns 1 year old on the 19^th. I should email this to Paul so that he is aware of what is going on in myhead and with my emotions. Not that he does not already, but as a refreshermore than anything.

I have not been to a Marine Corps Birthday Ball in years! Ithink the last one I was at was the first one after my honorable discharge. Thiswould have been November 1992. My discharge was July 1992, so that explains theshort time span. I would like to go to one again before I get to utterly old.

I have to get over my laughing fits when I dance in front ofothers. I cannot explain them, but I would love to dance but I seem to thinkthat the world is watching and judging as if I am on Dancing with the Stars orsomething. I do not like being embarrassed and I think that has a lot to dowith it, I am afraid! However, if Paulcan get me to be serious enough, teach me to dance, I would love to dance theworld away with him at a Marine Corps Birthday Ball sometime soon.

You know, I cannot say enough about my relationship with Paul. I have, since my divorce, been proposed tootwice. I have spoke of Larry & D’Artanian before and will not in thisentry. Nevertheless, what I had with either and both of them does not compareto what I feel and have with Paul. Heis unlike any other man I have known. So totally and completely understanding,supportive, patient (if you all only knew), above all else loving. There arelots more, but you get the idea. I have never loved a man as I love him!

Tomorrow night, Pauland I will be going to a BDSM D/s munch. A social for lifestyler's. We havemade some good friends in a couple of these events. For the most part, they arejust a great extension of the lifestyle as a whole.

Not sure how I will be on Thursday. I hope that it will notbe as rough as some of the past ones. I hope that Pauland I will be able to make to my mother’s gravesite so I can see her and leavea rose on her headstone. I have visited her grave more than my sister or herkiller, my father! I will always be very bitter to him for this. Never will I forgivehim!

I hope that than the rest of the month will not be asemotional for me. I already have a card for my granddaughter’s first birthday. Therefore,I really need to get that in the mail soon! Note to self, get off your ass andmail it!

As I write this tonight, I am watching Bath Crashers. Yeah Iknow I am weird lol. Some neat ideas for sure. Like the one that is on, one ofthe finishing touches is a trellis in the bathroom! I really like the idea, it doesnot take much space, it is simple, and if you get the right plants into it, itwould be amazing!

The crew did not do any work downstairs today. It waswelcomed break from the noise and having strange men in the house with me. Itis a separate space and all, but it still uncomfortable for me to have unknownmen in the house. I know what causes this fear.
I can hear some of you know, you were a sheriff and you areafraid? Yes! Absolutely I am afraid of things. For one, it helped me survivemany situations on the job. Nevertheless, I had been hurt in lots of ways inMay of 2006. I firmly believe that if a cop or fireman tells you that they arenot afraid at times, they are either lying or crazy!

Well, I guess that updates you all. I did get a wonderfulcomment on my last entry from a follower. I thought he was wonderfullyunderstanding in his comment. He has followed and read my diary for the last 3years or so. Thank you!

If any of you that read any of my entries have anyquestions, comments, or just want to speak your mind, please do. You cancomment on any of my entries or even email me directly at msamyweber@gmail.com.

Have a great week and remember to let those you care aboutand love know that you do! Tomorrow is not promised to anyone!
Amy

November 5th 2011

2011-11-05T10:59:00.000-04:00

November 5, 2011

Now I feel totally old! I am watching “This Old House” thismorning. I have watched “This Old House” since I was a teenager. Back when I wasmarried, I watched “This Old House” do a renovation on a house built in 1710. Thehouse was a big two-story farmhouse. Most notably was that the house was anorange pumpkin color. I remember joking when I first saw it saying all itneeded was a stem off the roof to be a pumpkin.

While watching “This Old House” this morning, they went backto revisit that project. The project was an two-story addition and they had toignore the wavy floors, out of plum front wall, and out of level ceilings andbeams. The homeowners brought up things they wished they fought for or wanted.Like more lighting and a fireplace.

The homeowners wife commented after Normsaid things look to be holding up pretty good, that “… yes it is. The kids havegrown and gone…” SHIT! Was it that long? At the end of the segment, Norm reminded us all that “This Old House” did thisproject 17 years ago! God that just does not seem long enough.

17 years, damn it just does not seem to have been 17 years! Let’ssee, 17 years ago I would have been 28 years old. My daughter would have been 4years old! The year would have been 1994. I would have been married 4 years, 4years on the job as a sheriff, 2 years out of the Marine Corps, and so muchmore.

I have always relaxed and past time with drafting. Sincejunior high school and my drafting class, I have drawn floor plans to scale. Inthat class, I learned how to convert the scales, and the general basics fordrawing floor plans. I have many completed designs, most inspired by other “ThisOld House” projects, many of my own ideas and vision.

One signature item of my designs would be a tower of somesort. I like towers and the old renaissance feel of them. A way to sit in one,look out on the land, think about being in an old castle waiting for thechampion knight to return to his princess after slaying the dragon. Yes, I havean imagination, and a definite epiphany for the renaissance. I go to therenaissance festivals every chance that I can.

Another item in most of my designs would have been panicrooms before they became popularly known, a room outfitted and dressed to play “Dungeons& Dragons” (nerdy I know, but I love the game, just like another model Iknow), and a torture chamber. I bet that just blew your minds. Nevertheless,along with the renaissance times, castles and such, torture chambers are nostalgic.Of course my designs would be, well costly! However, the torture chamber wouldhave items of torture aged to look old and used. Like stage props that would reallywork. I do not like having things around me that do not function in thatrespect. Therefore, they would have to work, look threatening, and look to havedried blood, skin, and other things on them. This would help with my love ofHalloween too! Since my boyfriend and I are both into the lifestyles of D/s andBDSM it works on that level too.

My designs would feature a major master bedroom suite. Veryelaborate in that the bathroom would be within the bedroom, open to the rest ofthe room. I like open spaces, maybe because I am claustrophobic but I like theoutdoors too. Another feature of my designs is floor to ceiling glass! On theother hand, glass walls to the outside, no obstructions, again like beingoutside. You can see from anywhere in the room to the outside.

I would make the designs with solid basements to withstandstorms, equipment to prevent or deal with flooding, you could say all the bellsand whistles. Because of my love of “Dungeons & Dragons”, secret doors fromroom to room, floor to floor, these would be true. Hidden from casual viewing,escape if needed, and just plain cool in my opinion. One of the “secretpassages” would be out of the house and to a safe location. All stocked for along stand or to await rescue in a disaster.

Yes, I have a massive imagination, a unique vision, and probablyan overactive sense of flare. It is part of what makes me unique, different,and ME! I had been inspired to write when I seen the project house. The saying “Howtime flies” has nothing on what I am feeling right now. When my daughter was 4and the pumpkin house aired, it was before my daughters 5^thbirthday. We had taken her to Cedar Point for one day for every year old shewas. So we stayed a week, and hit every possible attraction that we could. Ofcourse Cedar Point, Kings Island, Sea World, andmore. It is a time that my daughter still remembers vividly! This makes me feelgood that it was such an important point in her life.

Of course, now I am getting misty and fighting crying. Timeslong past, times when things were different. Fond memories are flooding theirway back into my thoughts. Paul and Iwill be going into southwest Detroiton the 10^th of November. My mother is buried in a cemetery there. Mymother’s death is a very bittersweet day for me. Ultimately depressing and fullof sorrow. Then on the other hand, it is a day I am proud of, full of honor andpride. November 10^th is the 236^th birthday of the UnitedStates Marine Corps! I served 8 years, and have pride oozing from my pores fromhaving been a Marine.

So you can see my dilemma about November 10^thevery year. My father murdered my mother when I was only 14 months old. I willNEVER forgive him for what he had done. She never got to know her seconddaughter and who I have become. I never got to know her and who knows how thatwould have influenced me in my life and choices. For this, I despise and HATEmy father and will never forgive what he done. He has always been a selfishbastard and only thought about himself first and foremost. When he dies, I willgo to his grave just to piss on it! He deserves nothing good; he served 5 yearsin prison because he was a police officer when he murdered her! He even usedhis service pistol to shoot my mother! FUCKING BASTARD! Now I am crying! Ialways do when I think about all the things that bastard done to me and takenfrom me!

To this day, he seems to act as if nothing is wrong and thatI should not live in the past. Because of this, I have a feeling of what otherchildren, past and present, must feel when a parent does not return from acombat zone. The loss, the not knowing who they were, how they would haveinfluenced their lives, and so much more.

I have to stop now, not only because I am crying freely nowas I write this. I hope, no… I know that my daughter is proud of me for who I am!Moreover, the things that I have done. She had actually been with me when I havesaved lives on the Detroit River. She has seenthings most others do not! Curse and blessing of being a cop’s child I guess.She has a daughter of her own now, and on the 19^th of November, thebaby will be 1 year old! My granddaughter! Free of most of the bullshit of myfamily and things I had to go through. No contact with my father, and as mydaughter got older, she seen my sister for who she is. A manipulative, self-centeredperson like our father!

God it is lonely!

Amy

November 1, 2011

2011-11-01T19:10:00.002-04:00

November 1, 2011

It really has been a fairy tale week for me. For I spent theweek with my boyfriend. Being near and with him is comforting, relaxing, safe,and just feels good. He and I have been together for about 3 years now and Icannot say I have had a relationship that lasted longer. Of course, my marriagewas longer but that does not count for it was not a relationship that long.

He and I gone out, played pool, seen friends, went toHalloween parties, wonderful time together at home, etc. I always feel likeCinderella when I am with him on those terms. However, just as with Cinderella,I know the time will end. Until he can get his house sold, and finalize adivorce, he is stuck in that house. Now if he gets it in the divorce that wouldbe best. Then he would not have to move his things, and I could move mine inwhich would be far better and easier.

Paul really got agood mind fuck on me this week though. Here is the background; about two monthsago, he started telling me about Banana Spiders. Since I absolutely HATEspiders, he was getting me just talking about them. Anyhow, he did a search andshowed me pictures of these damned things. One of these spiders had a bird inits legs!

Ok, basic groundwork laid; a month ago he told me he boughtone of these spiders and had it in a cage in the garage. When it started to getcolder, he told me when he moved it into the basement. He kept telling me howit kept escaping on him and that it was lose in the house.

The first night of this week that I was at his house, he andI went into his office. He has a beautiful Macaw parrot named Thor. He said hello to her as did I. Just then hesaid “Oh look, there’s your buddy!” When I turned, he clapped, red eyesflashed, and I was GONE! He says I moved so fast he did not know where I hadgone. Damn it he got me good! It turns out it was a Halloween prop spider thatwhen there is noise drops down on a string.

I do HAVE to get even with him on this one! Besides that,and despite that fact he scared the hell out of me, it was funny. I treasureevery moment that I have with him. I would love to have a 70-year relationshipwith him in a very short time. Logic being, I am 45, he is older, and I wantevery moment to be a priceless moment in time!

I have never had a relationship with a man like him. Arelationship where my normal fears and worries are nonexistent. He completes meas I complete him.

I was watching a TV show this afternoon. To start the show, acouple of guys went looking for their dog that was taken. They find it in abuilding where there are yells and cheers. They look under a shade not pulledall of the way down then flag down a police car. The cops look and then enterto find a vicious dogfight in progress. The dog the men were looking for wasused as bait to warm up the dogs that were going to fight. Then of course, thepolice took action. To me this is just outrageous. Who in their RIGHT mind getsjoy out of watching dogs, chickens or cocks, or any other animal fight? It isvulgar, profane, sickening, despicable, and morally wrong as hell!

I look at animals as something more than just animals.Especially if one or more are pets of mine. If they are pets to me, then theyare like children to me, and treated as such. Just as when I would be out andsee a stray in winter, I would love to have the person that put the animaloutside to fend for itself, treated the same. You put a dog, cat, or otheranimal out in the winter with no food, water, or shelter, guess what… you getstriped and put outside to fend for yourself naked, no food, water, or shelter!

I need to change the topic. Tomorrow work starts in theapartment downstairs. The last tenant was a little bitch! She was a 30something white girl. She was drunk off her ass the day she interviewed for theapartment. She agreed to be reasonable to parking arrangements between her andI, and many other things. Once in, she just did whatever she wanted. There isno smoking in this building, and she puffed on cigarettes and marijuana like achimney. She parked in the driveway so that only she could use the driveway. ITwas just a pain in the ass.

Of course, I enjoyed it the times the police were here forher. The first time was when she posted on her Facebook page of all places thatshe was going to commit suicide. The police knocked, I went downstairs, andthey explained why they were there. Therefore, I let them in and they took herwith them. She actually thought about fighting the cops that night!

She was just a nightmare, and when she was evicted, shedestroyed the apartment downstairs. My landlady has to have the walls, floors,carpets, all redone! She just destroyed the place! Not to mention the damagefrom here trying to start marijuana grow operation. Glad she was evicted beforeshe could get that started.

Well, it is time to start to relax. I will be online for awhile, so if you would like, email me.

Take care of yourselves and those that you care about andlove. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone!

Hugs, Amy

October 25, 2011

2011-10-25T23:40:00.001-04:00

It has been a couple of days. The Michigan weather is really starting to geterratic. It is cold and gloomy, then suddenly sunny and a bit warmer. Rains onand off and just generally crazy. It really works out, I like it cooler tobegin with. When my boyfriend comes over, I have to keep things a bit warmerfor him.

Tonight he and I had gone out to the V.F.W. to play pool.See, he and I are considering my purchasing my own pool cue. Therefore, we wentto play tonight. Even though I had gone with him to his pool league gamesoften. He and I have not played together (pool that is) since last year.

We have meant too, but life is life and things come up.Tonight I made dinner for us, and then we went out. He wanted hotdogs, so Imade them, chili and rice pilaf. Best thing about us is we do not have to eatout expensive. We both like simple fair. Be it Hamburger Helper, lasagna, hotdogs, pork chops, etc.

I bought a new purse today. It is a brown snakeskin, whichis just beautiful. It has much more room than any of my other purses. Not tomention it is brown rather than black. Is having too much black a bad thing? Imay never know lol. It has so much room in it, that it comfortably fits mypistol. This is nice for a retired sheriff.

I just saw a story on the local news. Thieves are takingbrass vases that are part of headstones in a local cemetery. My god, just howlow do people get anymore? This is beyond cold and low. As a sheriff, I saw manythings, good, bad and indifferent. I mean these people, hell I am ratherspeechless about it. If they identify the scrap yard that is taking them, I wouldshut them down for receiving and concealing stolen property, destruction ofevidence, larceny, and anything else that I could think of. Much worse forthose that are taking the vases.

Another story was telling of a high school football hazing.A player was tied to a power pole, his mouth duct taped shut, and they beathim. Just how the hell is this hazing? Hazing is like in the movie Animal Houseand the spanking thing with the paddle. This was just a flat out assault andbattery. Having the students suspended just is not it enough, nor is it enoughto fire the couches that knew about this. Just what is this world coming too?

All that is happening in the world just makes me cherish thetimes I have with Paul even more. Wedo everything we can to take care of the other, do things for each other, andso forth. His birthday is coming up, and he wants a good lobster dinner for hisbirthday. Therefore, I am treating him to dinner on his birthday in November. Therefore,it is only a couple of weeks away and I am really looking for it.

Today when I got out of the shower, I had the towel, andthen I just started to giggle. The day before, he was sitting on the end of my bed;I was in my desk chair. I scooted over to him and put my legs on either side ofhim to be silly and sexy. Eventually he started tickling me in that spotbetween the inside of the thigh and pelvis joint. While I stood there dripping,I just pictured the look on his face, the smile and laugh as he tormented mewith tickling. It is moments like that just make time stand still. Just perfectand peaceful and above all, happy!

I know my entries are similar to one another. Like a badrollercoaster lol. Every now and then, I have something juicy to tell. For themost part, I am trying to not go as long between posts.

It is 11:30p and I have an early morning. I am going to saygood night, and take care of those you care about and love. Tomorrow ispromised to no one!

Amy

2011-10-23T23:11:00.002-04:00

October 23^rd, 2011

I know that I wrote earlier, but I watched the new miniseries called “Once Upon A Time”. I am not going to write about the miniseries,but I am going to write about some of the conversation in the series. Thepremise is that a boy was put up for adoption, and he tracks down his birthmother. She turns out to be a private investigator now and the daughter of afairy tale character. Anyhow, she sits down with the son she gave up for adoptionand is talking to him.

During the conversation, they fall silent when they get tothe topic of why she put him up for adoption. Then the boy looks at her andsays “...because you wanted me to have a better chance...” The reason I mentionthis is that it is similar to my life. I have talked about it before, but sinceI am posting to a number of places now, I will cover it again briefly.

When I was 14 months old, my father shot and killed mymother. Reasons vary depending on which family members you spoke too, but noneare forthcoming with information. When my father was facing trial for themurder, another couple desired me. In other words, there was a couple thatwanted to adopt me as their child and they were supposed to have been well offfinancially. My father, being the selfish self-absorbed dick that he is, wouldnot allow it. When he was ultimately convicted, his parental rights were notterminated. Otherwise, my life would have likely been VERY different!

Unlike in the show, my father would not let me adoptedbecause he was selfish. IF he had, of course my life would have been different.Would I have enlisted in the Marine Corps? Would I have become a sheriff? WouldI have been better off and known what it was like to have a family that isclose and helps one another when they need it?

Who really knows? I sure do not. I would not want to go backin time and change anything. The things I have done and experienced have helpedme grow and become who I am today. The only way I would ever go back in time isif like in Word, if you don’t like it, you can go back to the way it was.

My boyfriend was here, and immediately noticed a change inme. My breathing changed, my demeanor, and I was fighting myself not to cry. Itis that powerful for me. I am glad that he was concerned and knew I wasreacting to it. He even asked me if it hit to close to home and I told him thatit did.

We talked a little bit, and I am fighting crying right nowas I write this. We came up with visiting my mother’s grave on November 10^ththis year. November 10^th is the day my father killed her in 1967. Inever knew the date of her death, well rather never noticed it. However, since1984 when I enlisted in the Marine Corps I had celebrated the Marine CorpsBirthday on November 10^th each year. So that day had become verybittersweet for me. A day to celebrate the birthday and a day to mourn mymother whom I never got the chance to know. I think that is the biggest tragedy.I mean, if I had known her, who she was, what she was like, and so forth. Whomwould she have made me? Would I be the way that I am now? Would I be moredocile and less aggressive? Who knows, but again I do not what to change who I amtoday. However, I cannot help but to wonder what kind of woman I would havegrown to be if I had my mother in my life to teach me things.

Ok, that is it for this post as well. I just had to expressthis because it helps me coup and deal with it.

Good night and take of yourselves and those that you love!

Amy

October 23, 2011

2011-10-23T18:54:00.001-04:00

October 23, 2011

I am writing this as I await my boyfriend to come by. On the television is the Steelers vs. the Cardinals. Steelers have been my team since I have been a child. Tight now the Steelers are winning 29 to 14 in the 4^th with 8:30 left to go. Now back to my boyfriend and I, we will be spending the evening together. I am hoping to make it a very relaxing, comfortable and stress free evening. Not a lot has been happening but I thought that I would update anyway. There are some new followers, which is just great.

I made a new page at http://msamyweber.tumblr.com, which is one that a few others I know are using. I will update it at the same rate that I do my diary here. There are only a few photos on the page right now, not to mention the learning of a new site. Nevertheless, more will come as time and material allows.

Since I have bought this new laptop, I truly love it! I can take it with me to work so I am not as out of touch as I was before. Not to mention if I am working on something, I can continue as time allows wherever I am! I have not had a laptop since the Dell that I had been lost in November of 2007 when my truck was stolen. I learned from that mistake, and do not intend to repeat it!

Sorry but there is not much else to mention. As I said, things have been very much run of the mill. Nothing standing out, I have become boring! The only other thing I can think of to mention is that on Wednesday this week the stitches in my finger were removed. It left a mark, but I knew that it would.

Ok, take care of yourselves and those you love. Tomorrow is promised to no one!

AmyWeber

October 13, 2011

2011-10-14T01:12:00.002-04:00

This post is being written on my new Toshiba Satellitelaptop. Got it on sale at Staples and the price made it too good to pass up. Myboyfriend and I had lunch afterward, then he dropped me off at home. We plannedthat the later part of the day we would spend more time together. While I wasat home, I of course played with my new “toy” as Paulcalls it. I knew it was going to take time to transfer files from my desktopmachine to my laptop. Not to mention load office and other software I use. Therefore,when it comes done to it, I have spent nearly 8 hours so far.

Yesterday I had to go and get some stitches. I was at anaccident scene and I had cut my left index finger on some glass. The glass hadcut VERY deep. The doctor was going to give me a bilateral block and the first injectionof lidocaine was not as bad as the second. The first one was to the outside ofmy finger, which means the other one went to the inside of my finger. I cannotsee how heroin users or others that inject drugs do it. I am not opposed toinjections, but in sensitive spots, I mean come on already lol.

The doctor left while he waited for the lidocaine to takeeffect and numb my finger. When he came back, he gathered some more instrumentsand gloved up. He tried to open the wound but could not get it. Therefore, hetook some tweezers and started to work on it. DAMN IT HURT! Therefore, he wentand gave some more lidocaine right inside the laceration. Now that hurt too! Atleast it worked, because when the doctor started working on it again, I am gladit did work! He was sliding the tweezers back and forth in the lacerationtrying to feel glass. He was at least a half inch deep inside of my finger!

In the end, I walked out with three stitches to hold theflap down so it can heal. Someone from the job picked me up and I finished outmy day. It was weird because I could not feel my finger at all. Then the doctorgave me instructions not to get it wet for the first 24 hours. So this morningwhen I showered I had to do it with a latex glove on my hand and duct tapearound it to keep the water out.

Showering with a glove on is truly different. You do notfeel the same things you do without a glove. Then the sound of it and the waterhitting it. After I washed up and washed my hair, I decided to be a bitnaughty. I soaped up my glove hand and started to explore interesting intimateparts. Front, back door, all around. It was nice but I did not bring myself to orgasm.

I decided to dress up as little for Paul.So under my slacks I wore stockings. When he and I are in the car, he usuallyreaches over and touches my knee, thigh, or higher. He can feel the lace topsof my stockings when I wear them. He had come by this evening and we spent timetogether. Then he had to go back to his place.

There hasn’t been much else happening with me. My days are routine.The best part of my days is when Pauland I get to spend time together. Even though he and I are not married, his andmy relationship is as if we are married. One day we may get married, but bothof us have been married before. Paultwice, and once for me.

This laptop has a BluRay player in it. Right now, I amwatching “An Innocent Man” in BluRay. So far, I really like this laptop. Adecent amount of memory and a good sized hard drive. Of course, not everythingon my desktop will fit on my laptop. Especially since my desktop has 4 TB ofhard drive space.

Been an emotional rollercoaster on and off. There is a hostof reasons for it. The thing I am trying hard not to do is drink because I needit. I would rather drink because I want it and not need it. Still makes thingshard to deal with.

Ok, my movie is 2/3 done. Some of my files are nearlycomplete in the transfer from one machine to the other. Once both are done andfinished, I will lie down and try to get some sleep. Especially since I don’ttypically get enough sleep, mostly for pain reasons.

Take care of yourselves and those that you love!

Amy

September 26, 2011

2011-09-26T21:19:00.003-04:00

Been a wet few days here where I live. On Thursday September 15^th I went to a doctor’s appointment. The bus driver was an total nut case! Driving a full size bus like an Indy car. Then with my luck, of course she is the one that is driving when I catch the bus to go back home. She drives right by me at the stop and doesn’t care. Of course I call and complain, and they say it is only a stop for dropping off. Like I am supposed to know that. Especially since I have been picked up at that stop before! It was a nightmare of an day. Taking the bus is always a pain other then what you normally get from taking public transportation in Detroit. Riding the bus just hurts regardless of what I do. With all of the injuries I have sustained just adds up.

On the Friday following this appointment, I had another appointment. This time for my knees. Again on the bus, but at least it wasn’t that crazy driver lol. My doctor, Dr. White for my knees has come to expect a good joke at the end of my appointments. The last time I seen her, we had begun a program of injections in my knees to help with my pain. Well during that appointment I had told her the joke while she had a three inch needle in my knee. Which is when I made a mental note to myself, no jokes while sharp pointed instruments are involved lol. The up side is that she just laughed herself to tears for both of those jokes!

I was down at the bus stop, the pickup one (like it really matters) and was doing things online on my Blackberry. Then I heard a siren getting closer. When I saw the lights, the cop, a Wayne State University Police, had turned off of Warren ave and onto Cass where the bus stop is. Damn he was flying and that boy could drive! He just flew through traffic, around the standing traffic on the wrong side of the road, and just cookin! Yeah I still get excited when there is a chase or a rush to get to a call. I knew that I had a weird little grin when I was racing through traffic in my days in a scout car.

A few nights ago I woke up after going through an agonizing and terrorizing nightmare. I had woke up screaming at the top of my lungs! This was a night when I really wish my boyfriend had stayed over. I really needed him to be there! It was just after 1am, when I finally got to a point of realizing where I was, I was afraid to leave my bedroom. I grabbed my pistol and stayed trained on the door ready to fire if something threatened me. I must have been like that for a long time, my legs and knees where cramping. I finally got the courage and got some lights on. Then I went through my apartment with my pistol. After I had convinced myself no one was there, I went back into the bedroom, sat on the bed and just cried and cried. I couldn’t call my boyfriend so I wrote him an email detailing as much as I could.

Two nights ago, I was awoken again, this time by cramping in one of my legs that just wouldn’t quit. Everything I did to ease one cramp it just added to the one that took its place. That went on for a couple of hours. So I guess I could say that I had a rough few days medically.

The morning after the cramping, I was riding my bike and the rear tire just blew. Apparently the rear brakes had slipped or what not and had begun rubbing the side of the tire. It eventually rubbed through. I didn’t realize this, then tried fixing the tube that popped. Put air in it to get another tube and such. Then it blew before I got onto the bike. So I walked it to the bike shop, called them of course first. They had the new tire and tube waiting for me. So I had them put it on. Now I had a REALLY aggressive bike tire on my bike. The one I got to replace the blown one was not as aggressive. To I rode home. The next day I, being a girl realized that tires where miss matched and didn’t look right, so I had them do the front too. Hey what can I say, I like things to look nice, match, and whatever lol.

This past Saturday, my boyfriend and I had going to a fetish party. He and I have been in the D/s and BDSM lifestyle individually and together for many, many years. The host of the party had run his party for 8 years now. There are a few others that run parties on other Saturday’s. But because of the host’s personal reasons, it taking a break from hosting. So we had to make this party to support our host and friend. Not to mention we had set up to meet a couple new people.

This Friday night my boyfriend and I will be attending a munch. This is basically just a very social event for lifestyler’s. It will be at the Biggby Coffee in Utica on Hall Road. Soon after that will be another one at a Kirby Coney Island in Warren. It is always fun and enjoyable. The lifestyle gets a very bad rap as being weird or vile. But it is far from it. Just consenting adults living their lives the way they want too and by a different set of rules. Nothing weird about it, just different than what some would call weird or even sinful!

Well, I guess that is all the news that is news or fit for print lol. Thank you all for being so supportive of me and understanding that I do not post daily. I do use an app called foursquare which shows where I am when I check in at a venue. Now understandably I will post as I am getting ready to leave for safety reasons, other times I will list when I am there. Just trying to be careful in a crazy world.

If anyone that follows my diary or blog would like notice of when I post or even an emailed copy or subscription, please email me. It would be my pleasure to do this for anyone that would want this. Anyone can also email me with questions, comments, suggestions, basically anything. I just ask that you be respectful and polite. But ask anything you would like, I will answer almost any questions.

msamyweber@gmail.com

So until next time, take care of yourselves and those that you love. Tomorrow is never promised to anyone. Which is why I treat every moment with my boyfriend like treasured priceless moments in time. I want to live a thousand lifetimes with him in the time we have!

Hugs,

Amy

September 10, 2011

2011-09-10T18:53:00.000-04:00

Seems old habits are still hard to break. I started postingin this diary again and here I am letting big gaps appear between posts.

Ok, let’s see, not a lot has been happening. My boyfriendand I have been doing better despite all of the time we have been together thusfar. This will sound lame to some, and romantic as hell to others, but here itgoes.

Yes I have had many relationships, much like most of us I wouldthink. I have been in love to the point of two men asking me for my hand inmarriage. I would have married each of them, but it wasn’t meant to be. Thefirst one was Larry that I have written about many times before, died in theline of duty shortly after hurricane Katrina. That hurt like hell!

The next one was D’Artanian from Louisiana. He was mostcertainly my walk on the wild side. Harley Davidson through and through. Everytime I think of him, the first thing I remember is that wonderful smile as hesat upon his Harley when he rode from Louisiana to Michigan to be with me!Black Harley, black leather chaps, black leather jacket, black helmet, blacksunglasses, and that smile! He and I were to marry to, but his ex-wife was aspiteful bitch and she threatened him that he would never see the daughter thatthey had together again. Of course he choose his daughter over me. I wouldchoose my daughter over anyone else!

Now there is my current boyfriend Paul. He and I have been together now for a numberof years. Despite what I had and how much I loved Larry and D’Artanian, Pauland I have all of that plus more. He and I can finish each other’s thoughts andsentences. His touch is electrifying to me and mine to him. There is a comfortand state of relaxation that comes over both of us when we are together. Nomountain to high to climb if you will. Soon we will take the steps to move inand live together. There is a trust that just is as rare as the rarest mineralor precious stones.

For the past week there has been rainy day upon rainy day.Not that I mind or care, as long as the temperature goes down. See, I runaround saying that I officially hate summer. Well now hate is a strong word.More really dislike because I don’t like the heat of summers. 70 degrees to mostothers is like 90-95 to me and I just cannot take it. My body shuts down and I cannotbreathe.

Give me colder weather, snow and even ice. Even though it isharder to get around and do things, it is really more comfortable at least forme. When it is hot or too hot, you can only do so much to cool down and only somany clothes that you can take off. Even if you were naked, it still isn’t alwaysenough. Now when it is colder, you can put more on, cuddle more, get under moreblankets, etc.

Right now I am watching an older movie named Ricochet withDenzel Washington and John Lithgow. It is interesting enough, and it was backin 1984 when Denzel was younger. And damn if he was not a well built stud! I amalso waiting on Paul. He is coming over later and we will relax with eachother, talk and whatever. He is feeling a little cabin fever so we will go out tonighttoo. There is a little bar not far from my house, and some of the people I workwith go there from time to time. Maybe we will run into one or two of them.

Not much else has been happening. Pretty routine really,even though that is sad and boring. Paul and I had gone to a D/s BDSM munch upin Port Huron on Thursday. It was interesting enough, and we had some fun. Goodpeople, having fun, and being social. So what if we all share a different kindof lifestyle. This is still a relatively free country. Speaking of which, thatreminds me of Dancing with the Stars.

This season they have Chaz Bono on dancing. I had seen onsome message boards the opposition and bigoted and bias comments about hisinclusion. People threatening to boycott the show because they don’t want thatlifestyle flaunted in their faces. For one, it isn’t a lifestyle or choice. Itis who the person is! Who would choose to paint a target on their chest for theworld to take pot shots at.

For one, Chaz Bono is a transgender female to male. That iswhat most are up in arms about. But on the same show, there is the judge BrunoKirby that is openly gay. How is it that Bruno raises no one’s ire but Chazdoes? Same thing isn’t it? They both are part of what is referred to as GLBT(gay. lesbian, bi-sexual, transsexual). I just don’t understand people anymore.Like ignoring that there are people out there like Chaz will make it go away. Justlike saying that it shouldn’t be on TV, or what is painfully called gaymarriage.

Marriage equality is something that I have spoken out about loudlybefore! Who is anyone to judge who can love who enough to marry them? The argumentthat marriage is sacred just may be… to some! But when marriage is the goal ofa television show like who wants to marry a millionaire, how sacred is it then?Marriage is a prize for a television show and the money if they make itthrough? Marriage is two people, in love enough and so much so as to want tomake the step to marry. To commit to one another for better or worse. Not justbecause there might be money on the line to be gained.

Something I thought I would never or very rarely ever talkabout is politics. It is in the Constitution that there is a separation ofchurch & state. Than how is it that politicians like the Governor of Texasget to tout “God Bless” and run on a religious basis for office? It was badenough when Bush W tried turning the White House into the American Vatican withthe Pope and all. Just what would happen if this Governor or Texas gets intothe highest office? I would fear for anyone that doesn’t go to church onSunday, that may be considered GLBT or anything else that would not be withinthe doctrine of the church.

I love my country, but I fear for the extremes thatpoliticians are going too for courting a certain group vote wise. And theyalways want to make Constitutional Amendments for balanced budget, marriagebeing ONLY between a man and a woman. What about a gay or lesbian couple? Theyjust supposed to sit in the back of the bus? What about me, I am a bi-sexualwoman… just whom can I marry? Someone that most anyone else would choose forme? When does the United States become a Police State and the government tellsus what to do, how to do it, and so much more!

I am afraid of the future!!!

Hugs,

Amy

August 9th, 2011

2011-08-09T19:14:00.001-04:00

August 9, 2011

My daughter always does me proud! She has such a good head on her shoulders! My sister was in town last week. My sister and I have never gotten along. Especially since she said it was my fault that I was raped a few years ago. Anyhow, since my daughter was born, she has tried to get her from me! Before you ask, I have no idea what her reasoning was. She told me once, that I don’t know what I am doing to raise a child. Of course I replied to her, did you? Meaning did she have experience before her first child? No of course not! Our father was no example of how to raise a child for sure!

Anyhow, my sister and daughter had gotten into an argument. She was in town with her daughter to visit my grandmother’s ashes that my father keeps locked up in a shrine in his basement. This means I never get to visit my grandmother! My daughter and sister got into it over my mother. She asked my sister if she was going to visit our mother’s grave. My sister said of course I’m not.

Well that started my daughter and she asked why not. Then they got into it further. Apparently the city of Detroit scares my sister to death! And since mom is buried in Southwest Detroit, that says it all! Then they got into it as to how mom had come to be murdered. My sister actually tried defending our father’s actions of shooting and killing our mother!

I don’t think my sister will be pushing my daughter to much more. Especially since my daughter told her that I did a good job raising her. That she is a responsible adult and has never been in any trouble! That just had to irk my sister to the core! Maybe now she will stop meddling in my daughter’s life and affairs. My daughter knows that I am doing all that I can now to help her with what I can.

I love my daughter so much! When I started to cry about it, she teased me. But that is her and my way of dealing with things. She is always hard on me, just as I was pretty hard on her. But I don’t have to defend myself…the end result is self evident in her actions and accomplishments!

I don’t know how to top this so I am going to close this with just that today.

August 5, 2011

2011-08-05T22:09:00.000-04:00

August 5, 2011

Wow, been kind of a weird week. My boyfriend and I were having some issues on and off. Mostly revolving around the choices in our lifestyle. See, I am bi-sexual, and I am sure that I had written about my preferences before. Well, my boyfriend, or better known by me as my Lord & Master. His and my relationship survives and thrives in two worlds. The vanilla world and the D/s & BDSM world.

What makes our relationship much different than 99% of the other relationships out there is ours floats and drifts between the two worlds effortlessly most of the time. I am not going to be naive and say our relationship is perfect. No one’s ever is! All couples have arguments, disagreements, and troubles of a multitude of topics. But he and I are good alone, but we are better together!

Being in an “alternative” lifestyle, meaning the D/s & BDSM lifestyle, Lord & Master and I have explored with expanding our relationship by adding other women to the mix. Taking the relationship to yet another level of, poly. This is where I teeter the line; Lord & Master’s choice of our last poly partner was one that I thought was far below his taste, standards and level. Now I am not going to be mean to Lord & Master or her here. But my feelings towards this arrangement for this one, are known to those it matters to and affects.

We have gone out of our way to help her. She simply has had one of the worst strings of luck around. We had gone out of our way, and even I, despite my feelings, have helped her. I done so for once upon a time, I needed help and a run of bad luck. I would gather to say most of us had an occasion where things were not great and needed a helping hand. And that is why I did what I could to help her. Because I am in a position where I can help her, I did help her.

For whatever reason, Lord & Master likes her, even though she turns my stomach when thinking of anything remotely intimate with her. She isn’t over weight or hideous, she is average, but there is just something about her that does not sit well with me. That being said, she just seems to be entrenched within our relationship. At least for a short while to come! Sunday should be the last time we have to interact with her, and even though Lord & Master will be upset with me for saying this, good ridden’s!

As I write this, Whale Wars is recording on the DVR, I am downloading new movies and music (legally!!!!), and listening to my favorites playlist in iTunes. Not much happening at all lol. I spent the day in court today. And old matter that hopefully will be put to rest. And no, I am not in any kind of trouble. Just an old case that is hopefully seeing the last days of sunlight before being put away for an eternity!

Lord & Master and I will not likely get the chance to see one another tonight. Tomorrow is not looking good either since he has a wedding to attend and I other obligations. So Sunday will be when we get to spend time together again, but we will have the one I mentioned for hopefully the last time ever with us!

I have been busy on other fronts as well. In my line of work, not the modeling sorry, I recently caught an arsonist in the act and dealt with it. That felt good, but the surprising thing was that the arsonist was a 6 year old girl! She was being prompted by an older child, but still! Besides that highlight, it has all been rather routine. Even though routine will get someone killed in certain lines of work.

Speaking of the modeling, Lord & Master are discussing us doing some ties and photographs with maybe a video. Other avenues are being explored and I have not given up on the fetish modeling. I truly love it just as much as I love being tied up!

Sorry all, I took a moment to listen to some of the music playing and of course, sing along. Lord & Master keeps wanting to put me up in front of people to sing despite my absolute terror at the thought of it. I can alone and sometimes in front of him, but in front of others? Not likely!!!! I was singing once, and someone heard me, she walked right up to me and told me great voice. I beg to differ, but opinions vary from person to person lol.

Ok, well I am starting to draw blanks on what to write about. For the most part, you have the “highlights”. Even though some could be basement wall drawings. I did manage today to get the judge hearing the case laughing. Hey what can I say, I inject my humor like a scorpion injects the unwanted venom from its stinger. Ok, I agree, that one was a stretch for an analogy lol.

Until next time I write, take care of yourselves and those that you care about. For none of us know when he be come a callin. In my best Pirates of the Caribbean accent! Make sure those you love know it and don’t forget it!

Good Night all and big hugs,

Amy

July 31, 2011

2011-07-31T08:34:00.002-04:00

July 31, 2011

What a difference a day makes. Friday started a snowball down a long hill. I will not get into too many details, which goes against what I promised when I started this diary. But too many others involved and could be hurt.

In what still feels like yesterday, on May 22^nd2006 I was violently raped! I have written extensively about this. Some things have happened lately to rekindle the feelings, fears, and so much more. The worst part of all of this is that I have begun drinking again! I drank before going into work yesterday, drank through the day, and continued drinking through the whole night!

Needless to say, these along with other things are straining my personal relationship. My boyfriend and I spent a lot of time talking last night. I would bet that he is worried about me. If he wasn’t he wouldn’t be the man I love. I have not told my daughter I have begun drinking again. She doesn’t need that.

I truly believe that I will survive this. I always seem too. The only questions are how many scars? How much damage to my relationship with a man I have never felt stronger for? Will this ghost of the rape haunt me for ALL of my life? Will I ever get a grip on it instead of it controlling my life as it does? And so on.

As I was writing this, I had received an email from my boyfriend. Apparently he has insight into me that makes me seem transparent. That is what makes him and I the strong couple that we are! Right now, I need that! I have cried many times over the last three days. And reading what he wrote made me cry again. I have never known a man that can see into me like he can and love me as much as he does! I am the luckiest woman in the universe to have him love me!

I am lost and different then who I used to be. I am not my normal self. That scares me, because I used to be a cold hearted bitch! Not the warm, giving, caring, & loving woman that I am or was until now. If I make a comeback, it will totally surprise me. I haven’t in years liked thinking that the dye had been set. I don’t want to start now, but this looks like a hell of a mountain to climb!

More to come…

Amy

July 29, 2011

2011-07-29T18:50:00.000-04:00

July 29, 2011

It has been almost a year since I posted here. For that I apologize. When I was living in Ann Arbor, Comcast was the only game in town. Well, as many of you may remember, I had a war going on with Comcast. They sent a tech to my place many times to troubleshoot the speed issues, and each time they fucked things up more. Ultimately, a tech of Comcast crashed my machine costing me over $450 to get my machine running again.

Of course Comcast didn’t think it their fault even though they acknowledged the tech doing more than their policy allowed. The tech’s above and beyond cost me. And of course many of you that have Comcast know, they bill and want what they want while giving the barest service they can get away with. My bill in Ann Arbor was to be $187 a month give or take a few bucks. Not ONCE did I get a bill for less than $250 a month. They put things on the bill hoping not to be caught and so on.

Of course they cut my service for non-payment. Of course they didn’t get paid! They crashed my machine and didn’t care about anything other than the money they were “owed”. What about what they owed me for all the headaches?

So I went the last months in Ann Arbor without internet and cable services. My lease was up in February 2011 and Master and I knew it would be better with me closer to him! So I moved from Ann Arbor to Grosse Pointe Woods in February 2011. Now I am one mile from him instead of 50! Not to mention it is a better location, quieter, and more of a home than a college dorm.

Of course the move had major issues. All of those that were supposed to help me with the move never came through! I had one friend that stuck with me, thank you Kevin! It took him and I forever to get the truck loaded! And to top it all off, a couple hours into the move, we were hit with one of the biggest blizzards of the 2011 year! Ultimately we did get the truck loaded, but Kevin couldn’t help me to unload on the other end.

What was to be a one day, one night move took four whole days! Of course I did WAY more and I cannot stress just how much I did above what I am physically able too. But I would rather hurt myself then have Master get hurt or over extend himself. He recognized this too! I was literally killing myself to move, but it had to be done!

When it was all said and done, I survived it! It took me weeks to recover and for the pain to subside in my body! But I was here, moved, and closer to Master. Another thing about being here is that the area is capable of being serviced by WOW cable. What I didn’t know is that WOW was still wiring the neighborhood! So that took a few months. But I waited for WOW rather than even consider Comcast! Of course I told WOW if they needed someone to do a Comcast bashing commercial, let me know!

What I do know is that, WOW had given me a monthly cost of $107, and it is guaranteed until 2013! They HAVE NOT done like Comcast and my bill has consistently been the promised $107 a month! YOU GO WOW! The other great thing about WOW is that there reps on the phone, take care of business and treat you like a valued customer important to them! I do not have one bad thing to say about WOW. Comcast on the other hand, don’t get me started unless you would like to be busy for the next 10 years listening!

Once I got the net here, and it is the 8MB service I was supposed to be getting in Ann Arbor from Comcast. I did some surfing and job hunting. I eventually found something, submitted a resume, was interviewed and have been working for a few months now. I am still doing the modeling, but have taken a little time away from it to get myself in order.

One of the best bits of news is, in November 2010, the 19^th to be exact; my daughter made me a grandmother! My grandchild was born healthy and beautiful! Dominique Marie is her name and I am a happy and proud grandmother. Could my daughter have waited, of course she could have. Should give her an NCIS thump in the head for that one, but she is my daughter and she still continues to make me so very proud of her!

My daughter finally had the chance to meet Master and she actually gave me her approval! This was surprising since she doesn’t do that anymore. The only one she approved of was D’Artanian until he broke my heart! So I hope Master knows what a rare item that is lol.

Since I am working, it makes it way easier to help my daughter and granddaughter. She is after all working, going to school, and all along raising a bundle of joy! The best way for me to help her is to of course send her money when they need something. I trust my daughter to use the money for what she needs it for! Never doubted her being responsible!

The job I have also means that I am working A LOT! By that I mean I average between 50-80 hours a week! It takes its toll on me, and of course on Master. Especially since we don’t spend as much time together. I cannot wait for the day that we move in together and become even more of a couple! Him and I went to see Cowboys v Aliens today. I will not spoil it as one has asked me to do already lol. Right Logan lol? But in my opinion it is a good movie. Daniel Craig grows on me more and more. Not to mention, my god what a bod! YUMMY! Sorry Master lol.

Let’s see what else should I tell you all, hmmmm, oh. Ok, I have joined the Foursquare social network. I check in pretty often, but not 100%. Sorry have to be careful of people these days and stalkers and all. I will say that when I check in, it is usually after I have left a location. A girl has to be careful these days. So just in case, let me remind everyone, I am a retired sheriff, and I still carry my sidearm! Enough said?

I have been posting on Facebook more and more, not to mention Twitter. If you follow me on either of these sites, the Foursquare updates to there as well. Otherwise you can sign up on Foursquare (it is free) and follow me there. If you need screen names or anything, please email me and ask. A good email is msamyweber@gmail.com so please use it. Questions, comments, suggestions, criticisms, whatever ok. I will get back into the mainstream when I can.

As I mentioned, I have many things going to better myself and get myself back to solid ground and a normal life. Like I know what that is lol. Always been 100 mph and no looking back, not to mention the overextending myself! Listening to a playlist of mine on iTunes and Daughtry is playing “It’s Not Over”. I had to take minute to sing along lol.

Master may come back over this evening, which I of course hope that he does. Besides my daughter and granddaughter, he is my entire life! Nothing else matters or will come between them and me.

Oh I know what more I can talk about. The place I moved into is an upper flat or duplex. There is a girl downstairs that is nothing but trouble. One night the police showed up to do a welfare check on her because she was silly enough to post on Facebook that she was going to commit suicide. She of course went with the police that night. One of the cops I remember was telling her that she is going, hard or easy her choice. In that same week, I come back from having a couple of beers with co-workers and hear water running and dripping. I go into the basement and see water just streaming from the ceiling which would be her floor. I called the landlady, and then went outside to see if I could see into her apartment.

Of course I expected to see her lying in the tub with her arteries cut and dead. But instead, the toilet was free flowing. She had the top off the tank, and the hose that fills the tank was up and shooting water over the edge of the tank. It had been running for at least three hours when I found it! I turned off the water in the basement and waited for the landlady.

Now when the girl came home, she and the landlady were in the apartment trying to figure this out. Like a couple of monkeys trying to do trig problems lol. Now my thoughts are that she had drugs hidden in the tank. And when the police knocked on her door that night, she panicked thinking that they were there for the drugs. In her rush to get the drugs out of the tank, she broke the works inside the tank before she flushed it. All I can hope is that she flushed a couple thousand dollars in drugs. That would be poetic justice in my book lol.

Anyhow, this girl asked me a question one day. She needed to know if she could be held in criminal contempt of court for traffic. I told her of course she could. Then she told me about a criminal violation for no insurance and an arraignment on the 20^th. She also mentioned she wasn’t going! So a couple days after that, she has not been living here. I think she was picked up on a warrant and is locked up. So I being the bitch that I can be at times, called and had them come out and do an investigation on the weed plants she was growing on the back porch. And since the house is within a 1,000 feet of a school, that just gets worse! I was surprised when one of the cops was one of the ones that were here that night for her when they committed her. He told me that while they were with her at the hospital, she admitted growing the plants. They looked that night, but didn’t think they would be on the porch. So now she is facing that too not to mention an eviction.

I bet your thinking I am a total bitch! But this girl comes in here, and once she got the place, all of the rules here, like no smoking in the house and no parking in the driveway she just thumbed her nose at. She kept going as if she owned the place. Guess what goes around comes around right? She made nice to get the place, and then started doing whatever she wanted. Could I have been a bitch much sooner? Yes, of course I could have! Especially when I smelled them smoking downstairs and didn’t cause her trouble. Then her stereo so loud I can hear it clearly upstairs in my living room. If I spent more time in the living room, then yes bitch comes out. But I didn’t so I let it go trying to maintain harmony. So I think I have been more than patient with her and her bullshit!

Well, I think I have run out of topics for now. I will try to get back into posting with relevant topics. I of course am not going to write daily things like got up, went to work, blah, blah etc.

I am reachable in many ways. Say hello, ask questions you may be curious about, whatever. I will get back to anyone that writes to me!

Hugs,
Amy

October 1st, 2010

2010-10-01T09:56:00.000-04:00

Wow it has been nearly a month already? My god where does time go? Sorry for not staying up on this.

Now the last time I wrote, it was a deeply personal and thought provoking entry. I have gotten emails from friends telling me thank you for opening my life to all of you and baring my soul. For that you are all welcome! When I was young and living with an abusive father in an unloving family... there was nothing but secrets and hushed voices. Oh you cant talk about that, don't think that, and so on.

I was never taught anything as a child, I was simply expected to know on my own! I would be told to do something and if I didn't know how, I was expected to figure it out. And of course the fear of what if I am wrong was always present. What would happen if I am wrong? My father would either yell, scream, rage, or just lose total control!

Here is an example, I have no love for kidney beans, you know, the kind you find in most homemade chili. For that matter, the only beans I do like are green beans! Anyway, when my step-mother would make chili for dinner (because my father loved chili), she would make a small batch to the side that would not get the beans. My father became angry that she was "cooking special" for me and that I eat what she makes or I don't eat. Ok, so I wouldn't eat on chili nights. Mostly because I was NOT allowed an alternate choice of anything.

This didn't last long for my father wanted to make a point to someone, so he told me that I am eating chili with beans. This of course turned into an argument, then a yelling match, then screaming, and so on. I had got up and went to my room and my father followed. The fight continued and he beat me. He sat me at the table and I was not allowed to get up until I ate the chili. Lets just say it like this... I am stubborn! More stubborn then my father actually and that is a lot! Three days later he stopped the madness. For I was allowed only water, no other foods. If I was hungry, all I was allowed to have was the chili. So torture comes to mind doesn't it?

There was another time when my father accused me of doing something that I didn't. His whole purpose in the thing was to make me say I did it! Even if I didn't, he just wanted me to admit to it regardless if I did or didn't! The fight was one of the most intense he and I had. I feel I should explain fight, I mean fight! Like hitting, punching, biting, kicking, name it! I at one point in it, he threw me through the dining room and I landed in the kitchen. I righted myself to some cabinets and he stood over me just RAGING! "Tell me you did it!" Was most of what he said.

When I continued to refuse, he grabbed a baseball bat and held it over his head. "Last time, tell me you did it or I will cave your skull in!" At this point I still didn't yield to him! "Go ahead! Do me the favor! I dare you!" The look in his eyes was blood red! He backed down and put me into the car. He drove me towards Detroit. Along the way he did nothing but tell me how bad things are and what would happen to me and so on. When there was no other choice at all, I told him, "Fine, you want me to say I did it? I will... I did it! I didn't do it but I did it if it makes you happy!" Then he put me in the car and headed home. I have no idea if my step-mother expected me back or thought my father was going to kill me.

That is just a glimpse into what my life early on was like. Rather horrific wasn't it? And the whole time, no one came to the house and ever asked my father about abuse! NO ONE EVER DID! It was just him and I, no one seemed to care or want to do anything about what was happening to me. The whole time it was "what does today bring?"

The things I went through are things I tried very hard to make sure my daughter would never experience. Like being homeless as a child, learning how to eat from garbage cans, finding safe places to sleep, and so on. She was not going to experience those things that I did as a child! And thankfully she never did know what is like to be homeless or to go hungry!

Very deep for this early in the morning actually. I have been attending my counseling and groups to help me come to grips with the rape. Last Monday was an powerful group. There was a lot spoken and two new people joined the group. Of course the more people means the more victims that survived! One of them talked about the shame she felt. I felt it too, and I think most do. It took me a long time to admit to my daughter that I was raped. And I can only attribute that to my pride and the shame I felt.

If people know, will they look at me differently? What will they think of me? Tramp? Harlot? Liar? victim? Damaged goods? Just what comes to mind? There were only a few people that I called friends, and only a few of the few were still friends after I was raped. What would my daughter think of me? Would she see me differently then she had before? Would I be weak and incapable to her? Would it scare her about people? Just what?

This rape is consuming me again. My counselor sees my life as one continuing trauma. I was severely abused as a child, I had endured things no child should ever have too. I survived a rape by two idiots! Then this past Sunday, Comcast sends a repair tech to my house. He was a contractor, he wore NO uniform, had NO Comcast ID, had No marked truck! Then to top it all off, he looked like a homeboy from the hood! Now I am not being racist here... but when someone comes to my house to represent a company and looks like Joe Blow off the street, how am I supposed to let them into my house?

So I don't let him in my house, I tell him the problem is outside. He reluctantly goes outside. I head for the balcony to watch them work on the pin box. To my surprise, he has a partner... dressed in just regular street clothes, and he too is without ID. So let me see if I get this... I call for service, someone shows up to my door with no company truck, no uniform, no company ID, he announces that he is the utility, and I am supposed to say ok? Come into my house and I will trust you with my life. I DO NOT THINK SO!

So here are two men, acting like a utility, and expecting me to let them into my home. Gee why not wear a sign saying sucker? Easy victim? Rob me? RAPE me? No wonder I cannot get to a point where I can deal with this rape. Everything in life is in vague and at times powerful reminders of the brutal rape that I survived.

Master is doing a lot to keep from doing things with me that might be a reminder or trigger to what happened. He wants to protect me, and I understand that! him and I need to do things we want to do sexually. For if it triggers, it is the only way I am going to learn how to deal with it and ultimately get through it.

Ok, my emotions are getting a little out of control. I am going to close this entry and say that I will try to write more often. I know I said that before, but many times I just lack the motivation not to mention that my life is at times not to noteworthy. But I will try...

Remember, tell those that you care about and love how you feel! The next minute, hour, day is not promised!

Hugs,
Amy

September 6th 2010

2010-09-06T16:06:00.001-04:00

Well it is Labor Day, what some refer to as the official end of summer. Personally I love to the colder temperatures. And some think that I hate summer, in a way I do. Let me explain, in winter if your cold, you can put more clothes on. In the summer when it gets too hot, there is only so much you can take off. Yeah of course you can strip all the way, but that still isn't enough at times during an hot summer. I would rather have to put more on, crawl under some covers or my favorite... CUDDLE WITH MASTER!

My summer had really changed from where it had begun. I couldn't wait for the pools here to open. Then for the last 2 months or so, I didn't go to the pools. I can only explain this as my reactions and method of dealing with the trauma of a violent rape I survived a few years ago. At least that is the only thing that I can come up with. I mean, since having the demons rise in my thoughts and fears, the only way I feel comfortable is to hide. I can't call it anything else, it is hiding. I know I am safe in my apartment, and even safer in my bedroom for the only way at me is through the hallway.

Now the hallway at times are referred to as "Fatal Funnels" by SWAT and SRT teams. Because there is no where to go and should the person at the right end care to shoot or attack in some way, your trapped! Of course retreat is possible, but who what's to be first? Ever wonder of one of the hundreds of things that goes through a cops mind as they are the first through the door? That's one!

My roommate is down in Ohio as usual for the weekends. This weekend being a holiday weekend means she will be back tomorrow night. The apartment for the most part now is all mine. I had a a meeting and glamour photo shoot on September 1st. The photographer and I met at Starbucks which was nice. I had a wonderful Arnold Palmer iced tea. He and I had gone into Depot Town to do the shoot. It took a little bit to get used to each other. But eventually I got used to his instructions and we got some interesting shots. Including some on a foot bridge that goes beneath a vehicle bridge that both go over a river. It is really a beautiful spot.

Now I had really screwed up with Master because of this. I was to call Master with information on this photographer so that he would have what he needs should I be out of contact. The thing I did not count on was R called and asked where I was and so I told her and she came up and talked to me at Starbucks before Jim's arrival. I totally had a brain fart and went from talking to R to talking with Jim after R left. I wasn't going anywhere with him right away. I had to get comfortable because I never worked with him before.

So I did get comfortable with him, and we had gone to Depot Town for the shoot. I forgot to call Master!Now I know that I totally messed up and made him worry. It wasn't on purpose, but I screwed up. He had called and called and I didn't realize it. Eventually, after Jim dropped me off at home, I spoke with Master and he was upset! Rightfully so, I am not trying to minimize the worry that I caused for him. It didn't dawn on me that I forgot until he and I talked. He told me he was giving me a reminder when he came by on Sat.

Of course I dreaded what was to come as punishment for making Master worry. But I did deserve it, I caused him worry that something had happened to me. Each time he and I spoke he reminded me for more effect. Well, the day came... even dreading my punishment, I would endure anything to have Master with me. I had planned on making him and I dinner then later we were going to go to the Tap Room to play pool.

Dinner was simple, but it was nice. We had a good meal, better time with one another, and yes eventually... punishment came. Master had whipped me in a way he hadn't before! He whipped me to crying! Then when it was over, he grabbed me and held me. The whole time he was telling me that he loves me too much to lose me! And I understand that. Like I said, I deserved it because I caused him to worry about me for hours. I will not do it again! not only because I do not wish to be whipped like that again, but because I do not want to cause him to worry about me unnecessarily.

After punishment, we did go play pool. I had blazing strips and they reminded me the whole night of my mistake. Master and I played a couple of games to start with. The bar was pretty slow when we got there, both UofM and EMU had home football games that day. Don't ask me who won or lost, I don't know! But after the games, people started making it to the bar. Eventually Master and i played Scotch doubles against another couple. All in all it was a good night.

Master and I had come back to my apartment. We did what we did but for the most part him and I just relaxed and enjoyed being together. He and I get so little time together, but that is because we have 50 miles one way between us! It is a lot for us to be together... he puts hundreds of miles a month on his car just to come be with me! There is no doubt in his feelings and love for me, he proves it all of the time!

Yesterday I had got onto my bicycle to go to Kroger's for some things for Labor Day dinner. I got other things too, but still lol. Anyhow, I found a wonderful porterhouse steak that just called to me... "Amy... take me home and eat me!!!!" lol. So I put it in the cart and continued shopping. All in all not a bad trip, I spent under $100 and had a lot.

I go outside to my bike and find that the back tire is flat! Not just flat, but the bead of the tire where it meets the rim, gave! So with the sidewall of the tire was a popped tube. God Murphy, when you leaving again??? Not soon enough! So instead of getting pissed off, like what would it help, I called a cab. Little choice, lots of groceries and a bike I cannot ride. So I called, let the dispatcher know I had a bike and groceries. Of course like any cab company, they saw the chance to make an extra buck! They not only charged me the fare, but they charged me for taking my bike! The driver was a nice enough guy, he loaded my bike while I loaded my groceries. He even helped me put the groceries on the stoop for my building so I he could be freed up.

So other then that, I am not sure what else to mention here. My steak is marinating in the kitchen, so it is time i think to fire up the grill, steam my asparagus, and enjoy a wonderful dinner. Sadly it isn't with Master, but it isn't... at least not yet. In time it will be him and I together like we want, but for now it is just what it is!

So enjoy your Labor Day, what's left of it. I hope you all had a wonderful day. Remember, NO DRINKING AND DRIVING! My brothers & sister is blue and brown will be waiting for you. And you will not like the reception or the accessories they will share with you. Like handcuffs, breathalyzers, empty rooms with heavy locked doors. Not to mention the additional cost now a days. Thousands of dollars now! No room in jails for drunk drivers, but hey there is another way to get a drunk drivers attention... through their wallet! It isn't worth it, so make sure to have a designated driver, take a cab, get home safe, not only for yourself. But for your family, and those other people on the roads that don't need to have their day ruined by a crash!

Tells those you love, that you love them and need them. And take care of each other!

Hugs,
Amy

August 29th 2010

2010-08-29T12:58:00.000-04:00

You know one of the things that bother me most... is that even though I have a wonderful man in my life... I still feel very alone. Now it isn't how it sounds... what that means is I need to have him with me! The more time he and I have together, the closer and stronger we become. And when that time for him to have to leave comes each time I see him, it just hurts! He knows this bothers me for he reads it in my eyes. I don't for one minute think it is easy for him and hope that he has similar feelings.

Master and I have had this connection from the day we met. We think alike, can finish each others thoughts and sentences, and so forth. He can look into my eyes and know what I am thinking, feeling, wanting to do. Of course sometimes I REALLY broadcast it to him lol. But he is the only one I ever had been in love with, that could do that with me! Any of the others would look into my eyes because they found them entrancing, mysterious, beautiful, and just hypnotizing. Of course I know this so I play up my eyes. Come on now, I am a woman... of course I stack the deck!

Besides Master there has not been a whole lot going on. Master and I spend our time together last week here in the apartment. More so because last weekend was my 44th birthday. And I got to spend it with a man that I love like no others before him, except one! Master knows of this former love that could make my life really difficult if he were to walk back into my life. D'Artanian was to me something just as Special as Master is to me. I have no ill-will or hard feelings for D'Artanian, his ex-wife presented him with a threat of never seeing his daughter again if he didn't break things off with me. He chose his child over me... and I would have lost all respect for him if he chose me over her. Our children are more important, or at least they should be, then anyone else can be. They are after all... OUR CHILDREN! Our Blood! My daughter is my very life!

So this weekend Master and I had gone to a BDSM party. In the past it had been more entertaining and fun, this weekend it was boring and nearly DEAD! There was a presentation that was supposed to last 15 minutes, but those giving it seemed to like the spotlight so they repeated themselves over and over again. When they finally got off the high horse, things took on a normal feel. Things still felt different, like something was changed. The turnout was meager in the beginning, and judging from those that came and hour after this presentation started, I can only assume that it is because people were avoiding it.

Master and I were expecting people to meet with us there, and they did make it. Just really late in the evening. When they got there, they had never been to a party like this before so this was a big learning experience for them. They got to see a great many things, like true whippings, fire play, needles, artistic cuttings, suspensions, flogging, caning, and a host of other activities. They use BDSM in the bedroom to enhance and stimulate themselves. They do not live it, not like Master and I do being a loving, D/s relationship.

Master knew as he drove me back to my place that it was bothering me. It always does when the time of his leaving me gets closer. We were talking while he drove, and the closer we got to my place, the more my voice, mood, and emotions changed. He immediately commented on this, letting me know he knows it bothers me. But he I think is being the stronger of the two of us, because I just feel that it bothers him too. So we pulled into my complex, and he told me he would walk me up.

I opened the door to my apartment and we walked in. Master undone the lock on my collar and took it from around my neck. Then he turned me around and we talked very briefly then kissed and he just melted me with the look in his eyes. I was doing the same to him too, he sees how it hurts to let him go. Then he had to turn to leave or he would have never left. I waited until he descended the steps far enough for me to lose sight of him. And as usual for me, I closed and locked the door (he would be so mad if I don't lock the door), then ran through the apartment into my room, and got to the window. I opened the blind and waited for him to come out of the building. He knew I would be in the window, and I don't leave the window until I can no longer see his taillights. Of course he gives me a wave. Then I have to deal with life again... without him here.

I know some will read this and be like how cute while others will say how pathetic. I don't care! It is how I feel and nothing is going to change that. I have always been caring, loving, cuddling, touchy feely, and hold very strong emotions for those that mean something to me. Just like the times that Master and I are together, and I sit on the floor next to him be it on the couch or chair, and just lean against his leg. I feel wonderfully comfortable there doing that. I am his and belong to him. Now I likely offended some women readers who are big on women's rights and such. Not meant too, this is just one way I express my love and submission to thy Master. Yes submission... "women are equal to men, etc..." yes we are! In many ways and at others slightly be better, as they are better then us at times. But I have, and am entitled to my own choices. I choose to give over complete control of myself to thy Master & Lord.

I would give my very life to Master should it be called upon. Just as I know he would give his for me! Of course I hope that never comes to be reality. that is just how strong he and I are together. There is nothing he or I have that is hidden from the other. This of course goes alone a fear of mine that has ALWAYS been with me. That someone were to hurt me in front of him in any way, to obtain some goal. Or even vice versa.

Onto other things, I have restarted counseling for the rape I survived. And have been in counseling again for a few weeks, and it is helping a bit. It will take time. But because of all the things endured during my childhood, and this rape, it has now made me more then just a statistic. It has recaptured my life, and brought the fears, feelings, everything back to the current in my life. My counselor had given me a small assignment. Every morning I am supposed to tell myself that I am safe! I wrote it in big letters on my dry ease board so I see it all day everyday that I am in my room!

Other then that there isn't much happening with me. Still working on photos from time to time. Just not a lot. On Wednesday I will be doing some shooting in and around Ann Arbor for some outside shots. So that will be fun and interesting. I have had the apartment pretty much to myself for the last two months. My roommate goes down to Ohio every weekend, and since she works a 9a - 5p Monday through Friday, she is only here for a few hours any given day. So that is fun and unique.

On Wednesday last week I had met with an attorney for some varied reasons. One of which is Comcast. This attorney thinks I have an strong case against Comcast for everything that they had done and put me through. So after this meeting, my friend R and I went to the horse farm. I had made sure that I took some carrots with me. I have my two four legged studs to spoil, Pirate and Donatello! I just feel so comfortable around the horses, relaxed, and safe. The world just kind of disappears and it is just the horse and I.

So when we got there after talking with the owner for a bit, we all went out to the pasture and brought the kids inside. Of course after I brought Pirate in, I had to give him some carrots. Then R suggested we all go to dinner. Ok, sounds like something to do, and it took us like 20 minutes to decide what and where lol. Eventually we settled on Sidetracks in Ypsi's Depot Town area. It was a really warm day, so I ordered LOTS of ice water! For dinner I ordered the four cheese mac & cheese. It was really good! This was my first time to this place and it will not be the last. It is a crowed place, but only because it is so good.

R may stay a couple of days with me. Which will be fun, give her and I time to just be together and sit and talk, and just relax! It will be easy with my roommate out of town, so I hope she decides too.

My daughter is doing well with her pregnancy. No problems or anything. She was gifted a crib, I am going to get her a toddlers car seat, and then go from there. Getting the things we are now just takes the pressure off after a baby is born. I still have trouble believing I am going to be a grandmother. But I most certainly not ashamed or unhappy that I will be. My daughter has done nothing but make me proud of her, her entire life! I had done something right in her life, she is making her life. She is still in school (which started on the 23rd for her), she is still working, and just living her life!

I LOVE YOU B! Keep making me proud of you!

Now I have to close, it is hard to type through tears. Make sure those that you love and care about know it! Tomorrow, or even the next minute is not guaranteed! You will never know when someone you love and care about may be taken from you. Or even for you to be taken from them! I know that while I was being raped, all I could think about was my daughter. The thoughts that I would never see her again. That I would never get to see her graduate high school, college, get married, have a child... nothing! I truly feared my death, unlike any other time before. This time I truly felt I was going to die! I couldn't bring myself to make peace with it. I had to do whatever I had to do to survive this and be here for my daughter! I could not leave her, no matter what they did to me or made me do!

So keep my experience in mind... since that day I have let my daughter know I love her very much every chance I get!

Take care of yourselves and write again soon...

Big Hugs to All Of You!
Amy

August 16th 2010

2010-08-16T23:36:00.000-04:00

Finally back... long story but I will explain as much as I can.

A little background, I have Comcast as my cable and internet provider. Only because they are the only game in town around here. Well I have not gotten what I had been paying for with them in regards to internet speeds. So a couple of times techs have been out to the house to see what is wrong. Of course both times it is anything but a Comcast problem.

Well the second time a tech was out here, the is the one that caused my computer to crash. That was the other time I was offline for about 3 weeks. Well I get that fixed out of my pocket and at this point am dealing with Comcast's insurance carrier. So since I paid so much out of pocket, I had been paying the bare minimums to keep my service active. Especially since Comcast owes me money now!

So I had made arrangements with them to make a payment of an agreed amount by the 6th of July. On the 3rd of July I make the payment via the Comcast webpage per our agreement. So on the 14th of july I am watching TV while checking my email, and it all goes out. I call Comcast and spend two hours with them on the phone. They couldn't find the payment. Even though I had an authorization number and a confirmation number. Then they tried telling me a confirmation number doesn't mean a lot to them. Then why do they use them?

I am left trying to figure out what to do next and I make a complaint with the local BBB (again- seperate issue), the FCC and then wait. All I can do. During all this down time, I try getting ahold of one of the news station's consumer reporters. Finally last Monday I get a hold of one of them. I make my case to them and the lady I am talking to is sympathetic. She tells me that she is going to get a hold of there contact at Comcast and we will see what happens.

So the day after (Tuesday) I get a cal from Comcast Corp. office. She siad right away "Hi, I am (name) with Comcast Corp. and I am calling in regards to your complaint to (news station)." So we talk and she is not giving me the same BS the others at Comcast had for the last month! She told me that she saw the payment and had no idea why things happened the way they did. She made sure let me know that I had kept my end of the agreement and that Comcast is the one that made the mistake. And I have it recorded which makes it better!

So she tells me she will have my services restored by noon Wedensday. So noon comes and goes, and no service. I call at 2pm and they get my cable going at 2:30p. I ask about internet and they give me some story that internet takes longer and that if it isn't up in the next few hours call back. What a scam! So 6p comes and I call back with no internet. So by about 7:30p internet is up. FINALLY!!!!!!!

A couple days later, I get another call from Comcast Corp. This time it is them dealing with my complaint to the FCC. See they are required by law to respond to the FCC! So this guy and I talk and he seems like he is just agast at my story. But he had to believe it because it is reflected in the notes Comcast had on the account each time I called and complained about internet speeds.

So he is dealing with that and some other unfulfilled promises. He and I will talk again soon, for some managers are supposed to be seeing why the speeds are low, why my account was handled with so many issues and blunders on Comcast's part, and so forth. So we will see, cause now they owe me for the damages to my computer, my down time from the lose of my PC, and the down time from them disrupting service out of turn.

In other news, I am back in counseling dealing with the rape I survived. For months now, I had been having roccuring issues from it like the nightmares, memories, things triggering me, seeing movment that someone is there when they are not, and so on. I thought I was going nuts because it had been so long since I was raped.

When talking to a woman's center that deals with abuse issues and rapes, they told me otherwise. I had about a year or a little more then that in counseling and therapy to deal with the rape. The lady I spoke to siad that is in no way enough and that healing and dealing with the issues with surviving a violent rape takes many years!

So 3 Monday's ago I had started counseling again. I met with a counselor and she seems very comforting and is easy to talk to. No names will be used when speaking of any of this! So she and I meet for the first time, and I get a lot out there! She is surprised at what I tell her. We discuss some options and I decide for the first time ever, I will attend a group to see if it helps with what is happening.

I finish my first appointment, and then come home. I do things around here and then time comes to head back for group. It is different, but I cannot discuss things from group here.

So for the last 3 weeks I have been attending this to deal with my demons. I had a BAD flashback yesterday with Master. He and I had spent the day together and he took me out to dinner at Outback for my birthday which is next week on the 22nd. Master and I had played a little with bondage and his whips and floggers before going to dinner. And there was a little "special" attention from me for him if you follow the drift.

Dinner was wonderful and the outback was not that busy on Sunday! Note to self lol. Of course my birthday dinner and I had the big one, 16oz prime rib rare! Mashed potatos, salad, there rye bread, and of course white wine. Master had steak, salad, baked potato, the rye bread, scallops, and Coke. He dropped me off at the door to get in line for a table but it wasnt busy like i mentioned. The girls held open the doors and one of them looked at me and said "Perfect eyeborws!". I thanked her and they were going to seat me right then. I told them he was coming in the door now and then we were seated.

Master and I finsihed dinner, of course I couldn't eat the whole prime rib. So I brought like 3/4 of it back home as leftovers. Master and I had spent the rest of the night together doing various things. He and I had decided to step things up a bit and he was going to be a bit more aggressive with me. Well he was sitting down and I was giving him that "special" attention again. He got so close to cumming and he pushed in, I gagged. I began throwing up, and once I smelled it and felt it on me, that is when the flashback hit me!

I was just gone! Master grabbed a towel, began to clean me up a little, and the whole time talking is a soft comforting voice while touching my hair letting me know Iwas alright. He knew I was in trouble, I was white as a sheet and not just from throwing up... I was back there when I was raped... I WAS SCARED! When I finally started coming to my senses, all I could do is try to survey what happened and then just got up and ran into the bathroom. I got right in the shower and turned on the water. I had to wash it all off of me!

Master told me that if he had thought about it more, he would have gotten in with me to hold and comfort me. It wasn't long after that for when he had to start heading back home to his side of town. He got to my place eariler then usual, so he had to leave eariler then usual.

I do bare my soul in this diary. And I hope that those of you that read it take that into account. I am sharing myself and my life with all of you. So please, be respectful if you make comments or write to me about this.

One last thing before I close... I had mentioned before that if any of you think that you see me out in public... please feel free to come and say hello. If you want a photo together, an autograph, talk for a minute, please do! I encourage any of you to say hello and introduce yourself to me as a fan. For without any of you, this business and my modeling would equal nothing! Fans are what makes it all work and I do it for you!

Ok, closing time... write and say hello, ask questions, whatever. I write everyone that writes me. Also if any of you would be interested in a keepsake or souvioner, let me know. We can maybe work something out. I have done it a couple of times already. If you want a hand written letter with a kiss on it from me, fine. You want a pair of pantyhose or stockings from a shoot, lets talk.

Ok, good night everyone, thank you for stopping by and sharing a bit of my life. Make sure those that you love know you do, for you do not know what the next moment brings.

Hugs,
Amy

July 11th, 2010

2010-07-11T11:00:00.002-04:00

This morning I find myself being very emotionally charged. In that I mean there are a lot of thoughts going through my mind and heart. Once again I am OVERWHELMED with this feeling of being pregnant. I yearn to feel life, a baby with me. To be a mother once more! It is not likely as for Master is older and frankly would be ill conceived (huh... no pun or play on the words but it works).

On the other hand, demons that had been held at bay as of late, are fighting to come forward. It is never easy nor will it ever be to hold and keep them in check. I guess I have to face understand and accept that they will always be with me. That they will be looking at me whenever I do anything intimate. Since that is what they forced upon me that night. So of course, I think that they will be related to any intimate act I am ever involved in. Trying to steal it away from me. Trying ruin it! Trying to control my life to one that cannot be happy, loving, intimate, and fulfilling!

Trying to change this moment... last night Master was here. We had a special guest with us. We have been thinking about adding another girl to the mix. See Master is straight & I am bi-sexual. So for the two of us, it seems to be a good idea. I will not use her name her but will refer to her as R. A little about her is that she is my age, a lot shorter then I am and since I am just a bit taller then Master, I am beginning to feel like a giant lol. She refers to herself as a Bohemian Goth Hippie chick. Which I think is an accurate reflection of her and who she is.

She has a redish hair color with blonde. Her personality just bubbles like water from a broken off fire hydrant. She is warm, caring, soft, tender, genuine, giving, and loving. Those are just the highlights of her personality. Master asked her if she could choose a wild time, she asked if she could play with me! I was in awe and utterly flattered! So what did she do with me... she carefully and gently rubbed my back and massaged me. She knows of my back injury and she wanted to spend her time helping me feel better. What complete selflessness!

Master seems to like her too. he thinks the same of her personality that I do. I had planned before we knew that R was joining us, to make a wonderful dinner for Master and I. I had told him about my spaghetti before and finally I got the chance to cook it for him. Of course this meant we brought R into dinner with us. And I am happy that we did! So in the morning I took a shower and put on my make up. Funny thing is I did nothing with my hair, except just put it up! I didnt get dressed up yet, but put on shorts and a tank top.

Dinner and all of us getting together was supposed to be about 5pm. But Master had changed it to 3pm which presented no issues. So after getting my clothes on, I went into the kitchen and gathered all of the things I need to make this dinner. The things that needed chopping got chopped and put into a bowl together. Not everything, for time for things like the mushrooms would come later. So I put olive oil in the bottom of a deep pot I use to make my sauce. Once the oil was hot, I added the chopped onion, peppers, and such. The sound of the sizzle was nice. While that simmered, I cut open some spicy italian sausage and prepped my hamburger.

Of course I am not giving you the whole recipe, it is my own now! But I got the meat browned and worked on the rest of the sauce. When I got to the point of simmering the sauce to reduce it a bit, I chopped some items for the salad. I had planned on making homemade garlic toast, but with the changed arrival schedule and the heat in the kitchen, I elected not to make it. So i took the Italian bread and cut it on the diagonal, platted it on a black plate and arranged it around the plate. the salad was in a large black bowl and I used three of my finer, prettier plates for us to eat on. I have these salad bowls that have a leaf and vine etching on it, and set them out. I placed wine glassed, drink goblets, silverware and napkins. I have to say I was impressed with myself and how it all looked and turned out.

Master was bringing the red wine and soda while R was bringing brownies and ice cream. Master was first to arrive and of course I greeted him as best I could still in the final stages of getting everything together. He has keys so there was no need to let him in. One of the first things he said to me was that as soon as he opened the door to the building, he could smell it and it smelled good! I loved that actually! We talked a bit while I finished up, and then I did finish. So now was the time to greet Master properly... I put my arms around his neck and shoulders and kissed him lovingly with a few affectionate whispers.

R arrived a little later and Master asked her to dress Goth. After the introductions, seeing as how I met with her two days before, it was upon me to do so. We all talked a bit before I went into the kitchen once more to put the sauce in a bowl for serving as well as the noodles in there own bowl. It was decided that since dinner was ready, that we would forgo discussing things, and we would over dinner. So we all sat down, Master poured the wine and then we all toasted to all of us.

Master ate but had a difficult time of it. See, he cannot handle a lot of spice. I bared that in mind while I cooked, but thought that one Jalapeno with three pounds of meat would be fine. Apparently it wasnt, that one pepper was to much for him. At least now I know this so I can remember it for when I cook for him more often. R complimented the meal too being very gracious.

When dinner was complete we all talked over the empty plates, and then I began clearing. Master and R started talking about things as they needed too. So once I cleared the table, I started the dishes. They both asked if I needed, or wanted any help and I thanked them but declined. All in all I could have used it. Standing all of that time was causing me great discomfort in my back while I cooked. So here I am standing again to do the dishes.

I did get scolded for do to much and not asking for help by Master. When I finished I joined them at the table and joined in the conversations too. We spent most of the evening at the table discussing the finer points of what everything was all about and how R fit in with us.

Eventually we got to a point where Master had me kneeling on the couch in my traditional whipping position. This was two fold in that I had a couple strips coming, and to demo for R. Master took the Texas bullwhip and spaced himself. Then I felt the first stinging impact followed closely by the all to familiar burn of it. So I had taken my stripes and we moved to my bedroom.

This is when Master asked her what her wildest fantasy would be and she wanted to play with me. While she rubbed me, Master sat and watched our interaction. It felt really good and I laid enjoying it. While R tended to me, master gathered a couple things. He hen joined in by inserting the hook into my ass. Then showed R the effect it had on me when he drummed his fingers on the shank of it. then had her do it too. The final touch was the Hitachi wand. Master drummed the shank of the hook and held the Hitachi tight against me. This of course caused all kinds of involuntary movements on my part! before i was allowed to climax, Master had R working the Hitachi. Eventually Master allowed my climax and I had cum hard!

Now was R's turn. As with me, Master and R went through most of the whips and toys he would normally use. For a novice and someone that was curious about the lifestyle, she handled the evening in wonderful style. He limited his strokes to a couple of each preferred whip so that she had an idea of what it is all about.

Sorry, I had to stop... I just finished crying. A thought rocketed through my memory and mind and I just started to cry. The demons, the fear of someone hurting me to hurt the man I love, and so forth. The thought of Master having to deal with the hurt done to me or my death.

I am sorry I have to stop, just writing this is hurting too much for me right now! Please forgive me everyone.

Take care of those you love and care for!

hugs,

Amy

July 7th, 2010

2010-07-07T21:54:00.000-04:00

The last time I wrote, I was telling all of you about a violent rape that I survived. I am in the process of getting help dealing the demons that have resurfaced within my life. I had spoke with Master and explained everything to him that is going on within my head. of course he is concerned, but he is ultimately supportive and willing to do what it takes to help me conquer this.

He truly is a very wonderful man! He had played pool last night and personally done very well. But as a team, then lacked and lost in the end. one day I will be able to join him while he plays and support him. Maybe a low neckline to get his opponents attention... hmmmm. That might back fire though, Master might be the one looking! Oh well, we will think of something.

The weather here has been very warm and nasty! Mid 90's all week with high humidity. SUCKS in a big way! So it is no surprise that I spent most of my time through the days at and in the pool! I have a wonderful tan this year, with only my ass and breasts white as Casper. The weather person says relief is coming for the weekend and I would welcome it!

I have said it many times, I like the cold better then the hot! Even if you strip bare assed... if it is hot, that is all you can do to try to cool yourself. Now for cold, you can keep piling clothing on or blankets until you are warm. Besides I generate so much heat of my own it is like walking around with a portable heater. Oh well, a month and a half and we get close to fall!

This morning I went to Kroger for groceries. I rode my bicycle there and locked it up of course. I was really looking for items for a special spaghetti dinner for Master and I on Saturday when he comes over. it felt good to be thinking about making my spaghetti again, and for someone special. So while I was there I did standard shopping too.

I paid for everything and wheeled the cart out to my bike in the bike rack. After unlocking it, three Kroger employees where watching me. I had twelve bags of groceries. including eggs, and I loaded them onto the handlebars of my bike. They were watching like they were waiting for me to lose my groceries, but when I just simply rode off I heard a giggle.

I got home and my eggs were 100% safe! After walking my groceries up three flights of steps then going back down to get my bike, I was soaked in sweat! Then I put things away and planned on making tacos for dinner. Once I unloaded and put away everything, I made something for lunch.

After lunch I got myself together and went to the pool. You could have cooked and egg on the deck around the pool! You could not walk up to the pools edge without something on your feet. Or at least I couldnt! So I spent most of my time in the water. When I did get out I sat down to read. The wind that was blowing was like standing in front of the oven while cooking something at 450 degrees and opening the door!

So I read a little, decided I needed to get back into the water and did. Once I finished swimming, I headed home. After getting out of my bikini and drying off, and fielding like 6 phones calls the whole time! It was like 5:30p. So I started cutting onion, garlic, jalapeno, habanero, and such to begin cooking. My friend Kevin came by to borrow something and when he walked in, he could smell the heat of the peppers and his nose began running!

Well I am actually getting tired, likely because of the heat. So I am going to close this and finish. Have a good night all and take care!

hugs,
Amy

June 29, 2010

2010-06-29T16:31:00.001-04:00

I am going to write about something deeply personal today. It may be offensive, or it may be graphic so read on only if you want too.

Four years ago I was violently raped by two, you know, I still have not figured out what to call the two that hurt me. I had referred to them in the past and in therapy as demons, men, assholes, and a few other things. They had drugged me with a drink while I was at a bar. This bar was a place where I thought I would be safe because I knew a bunch of people there. Including the owner, barmaids, waitresses, not to mention a bunch of the regulars. It was a small place and I simply let my guard down.

Well, I was raped by these two, the local police, and that would be the LINCOLN PARK POLICE DEPARTMENT, and the Wayne County Prosecutors office. The two did the deed and damage to me. The police, because of relationships with relatives of one of them didn't pursue a rape in the first degree charge, and forwarded an incomplete investigation to the prosecutors office. They were going to charge ONE of them with LARCENY because the other was going to testify against his accomplice. So when the prosecutor handling the case called me in to discuss the case, I was raped again.

For she explained that one was going to testify against the other. But when I was very admit that they BOTH RAPED ME, she dismissed everything. She claimed it was my word against theirs. Like the word of a sworn deputy don't matter? She belittled me in that I was "Under The Influence" of a controlled substance. Yes I was, whatever it was they put into my drink. Because the local police did not get me medical attention, the drug could never be determined.

Now I am not trying to relive this event. For a long time now I thought that I was over and in control of it and how it affected me. Apparently I am not.

Nightmares have returned, not as frequent as before, but they returned. I am finding myself carefully choosing television that I watch. A movie that I wanted to see for a very long time came on cable. The movie was "Law Abiding Citizen". The beginning of the movie is what bothered me with my head in a new state of confusion and fear of what happened to me.

In the beginning, for those who have not seen it, has Gerard Butler's character answering the front door of his home. He is immediately hit in the face with a baseball bat and then zip tied and gagged with duct tape. While this is happening, his wife runs out of another room to see what is happening. The perp gets up, catches her and flings her into a cabinet stunning her and causing her to fall to the floor. while she lay on the floor, he punches her in the face.

The perp gets off her, goes over to Gerard and then tells him "You can't fight fate!" While he says this, he plunges a knife into Gerard's character. While Gerard watches, he duct tape gags his wife, then rolls her over and lifts her skirt. You know what happens then. Lastly, their daughter shows herself and this perp goes after her. Gerard's character survives, but his wife and daughter are listed as murdered.

Now I mention all of that for it hits a deep seeded fear of mine. And that is the very personal thing I am about to share. When I was being raped, all I could think about was stopping it, getting away, and my daughter. I thought about how this could have happened in my house since they took my drivers license. My daughter could have been victimized. I thought about a lot of things.

Now my fear is that someone that loves and cares very much for me would ever have to see someone hurt me like that and them not be able to do anything about it. In addition to that, for me to be forced to watch someone hurt someone I love and care about. Right now I have someone very special and important to me in my life. He is a wonderful man and I KNOW he would not let someone hurt me like that!

I used to think it happens to others, not to me. Then it happened to me that day I was raped. That woke me up a bit. It has me living in a state of fear. Not the same paralyzing fear that I felt when this was fresh to me. But it reminds me when I see or hear things like what happened in the movie. That someone could use me to hurt someone else by hurting me. That it could happen again.

I couldn't live with myself if something like in the movie ever happened. I barely survived the rape! It turned me into an alcoholic! It forced me to be fearful of everything! It nearly cost me my life with my own sidearm! Despite thoughts of doctors and therapists, I gained control over my drinking problem! I am able to drink because I want to, not because I NEED too! But it CHANGED MY LIFE!

I feel that I had to share this more to get it off of my chest then anything else. I still have to talk with Master about it. I wanted to this weekend, but just did not get the chance. I do not know if he reads this, but he did see it when he was over. But it is something I have to discuss with him, he needs to know how I feel... what I fear! It is difficult though, he and I are lifestyler's. We play with bondage and discipline, and other things. And he genuinely fears reminding me of my rape. DAMN!

I need to do something while I think. God I have depressed myself deeply! What the hell has happened to me?

Let those you love and care about know that you do LOVE and CARE about them! Don't ever go to work, leave the house, go to bed... mad at one another. Anything can happen and you will never get that chance again!

Hugs,
Amy

June 25, 2010

2010-06-25T21:29:00.000-04:00

Good evening, I am updating sooner then I have in times past. Not a whole since the last time I updated this. I think the most notable thing is nightmares of old. Four years ago I survived a violent rape. There were two (hard to think of what to call them) but I guess demons will work. Well afterwards there was a lot to deal with as you might imagine. I had nightmares then too, reliving what had happened to me.

Well, a couple times now I have had the same nightmares as I had back then. I thought that I had this whole thing under control and dealt with. The return of the nightmares makes me think that I am not close to being done with it. I woke up once screaming at the reoccurance. I was sweating profusely and couldnt catch my breath. The next time I woke up not knowing exactly where I was for a few minutes.

It hasnt happened for a few days now and hope that it has past. I am not even sure what had brought on this reoccurance. The thing that worries me is, will I need to restart therapy to deal with it. I worry that Master will think that it is our play together and the bondage and such that has brought it up. One night when I was staying with him at his house, we were playing and I had a bad moment. I froze and just became almost paralyzed with fear of memories.

Master recognized it for what it was and just as he did he noticed that I was crying with the fear of it. I think that I will have to tell him, but unless he reads this, it will not be right now. Maybe tomorrow I will bring up these diary entries and let him read them.

On another happier note, my roommate has gone away for the weekend. She had returned to Columbus to stay the weekend with her friend. This would be the same friend that she and I stayed with when we went down the beginning of May for my photoshoot. She needs a break from things and doing this may help her get over her bad judgment of the last guy she was seeing.

God was he a loser! He lied about everything he told her, and showed fear that I at one time was a sheriff. To me and others that would indicate that he had been a resident of some lockup. Well he had promised her one thing to many and didnt keep his promise and she finally seen him for the loser he is. she will be back Sunday night or after work on Monday.

My roommate has been complaining about not being able to meet people since moving out her to Ann Arbor. But just in the last week I made three new friends just going to the pool. All she has to do is start with hello... most people will at least reply. even if it is to say hi back. But being able to say that first hello is all it takes. Oh well, it is on her and I am starting to see her in a different light. Not a very flattering light at that.

Of those I met at the pool recnetly, the most interesting would have to be Mark & Kevin. Mark is a really shy guy, and barely got the chance to know me. I was swimming and he was wading in the water. I seen him looking at me a few times so as i swam by him I said hello. That is all it took, and we began talking. He is a chemical engineer which is like wow to me. That takes brains and lots of time in school. he and I have talked a few times more since that first time and once you get to know him, he is still shy but a little more forthcoming.

Now Kevin is a retired Navy guy. Which means he and I had hit it off right away for I was Marine. The way we hit it off was just the way you would think the Marines and Navy would. jousting with verbal barbs that showed our service pride. He and I have talked a few times since then.

As I write this I am watching Predator with the Governor of California in a staring role. "I'll be back!" lol. Not a bad movie and I have not watched it much in the past few months. So now was as good a time as any.

Tomorrow Master is coming over and we have the place to ourselves. That will be nice. Just having him by is nice for me, for he has made me a very happy woman. Hopefully soon things for him and I will get a lot better and see what comes next.

I have been reading this series called "The Ranger's Apprentice". There are a number of books in the series and they read easily. I am on the third book and I havent sat and read straight through. I have read at the pool mostly. The books are very engaging and have a twist of humor, drama, thills, and more. I find myself reading and laughing at parts of the book, while yet gripping the book tighter at other times. Today when I finished the second in the series, I almost began crying. I am that hooked!

Well, I guess that can do it for this entry. I would like to thank all of you that read my entries and hope that it helps you to get to know me. Please remember any of you can write me anytime at my email address of msamyweber@gmail.com.

Lots of Hugs,
Amy

June 20th, 2010

2010-06-20T14:36:00.000-04:00

Hello Everyone,

I hope that everyone is finding this to be a decent if not wonderful summer as yet. I have gotten some comments and such from some of you regarding photos from my latest shoot. I have been releasing then slowing through the Yahoo Group "Rope Dreams". So far I have only posted one of the most recent. The photographer that I worked with on this shoot pretty much leaves it up to the model to publish the photos. Since I do not have my own web site or pay site, I thought slowly (like on every couple of weeks) makes them last longer and keeps interest up. Believe me I am really flattered that some have asked where they are and are looking forward to them.

Now the shoot from May sadly had a not so wonderful conclusion. Simply meaning that the photographer and I didnt see things the same way. I had not signed the model release for him to publish or use the photos. In my opinion, from the photos i saw, they were not very flattering to me at all. The photographer, be it a nice guy, just was not as professional as I had thought. In the email planning stages, he and I discussed outfits, and ties, and so forth.

And when it came to the shoot date, because another model was involved as well, it didnt go the way it was planned. I also had arrangements with this photographer to do a custom for someone whom requested it. Sadly I could not deliver on the custom for it was not done the way the fan wanted. The fan envisioned me getting ready for work when I was at H&R Block. I would be standing in bra, thong, and pantyhose just about to dress and a male burgler would break in, hold me hostage by some means, and eventually tie me up with pantyhose. the pantyhose because nothing else would be available. Then I would be left to struggle. Lastly in the fans vision, i would be rescued by someone, ideally him in fantasy only.

Well it turned into a story plot of another kind where I had some microchip that the other model (an enemy agent) was sent to get from me. That lead into something else altogether. I am not saying I did not like meeting this model or that she wasnt wonderful and fabulous and all. She was and she is a big name in the business. But it just changed when it was all said and done.

Not to mention all of that planning for outfits and such went to waste because he shot me in my street wear (what I wore to the shoot) and bra & thong most of the day. All in all, this just was a mistake and I am learning from it. Of course the photographer is mad as hell. I would be too. But nothing went as it was said to. Of course in getting there I had expenses like fuel, food, lodging, etc.

Ok, enough about that now. Lets see, Master and I are still doing wonderfully together. The more time we spend together, the better it gets. He is always learning about me and coming up with interesting things to do with and to me. just the other day i put in an eye bolt in my bedroom ceiling. I do not think I have to spell out what that is for.

Finally I found a man that is very good to me.He cares as much about me and my concerns as I do for him. I cannot say enough wonderful things about him. He was here yesterday and we all spent some time talking. By we all I mean my roommate, her son, Master and myself. We ordered something to eat then eventually all went about our own things. Master and I went into my room where we talked some more. Eventually we had decided to just settle in and watch a movie together.

Of all movies, we watched "Victor Victorious!!" I had recently seen something about this movie on TV. And seeing it I found that I loved it! It was funny and witting and just an overall joy to watch! Of course watching it with Master all the nicer. Of course when it was over Master and I had some quality time. Like stripes across my breasts because I am just a troublesome woman lol. Or just because Master wanted too. No matter the reason, I knelt before him, tipped my head back and took my stripes.

The dreaded time of him having to leave came. I always hate it when he has to go. And he reads it in my eyes easily that it hurts me. More then any stripes ever would! But alass until the time comes for him and I to make another major step it is the way it is going to be. As is usual for me, when I shut the door as he is leaving, I race to my window and watch. Then the brake lights fade in the distance and he is gone for now.

Today I went for a bicycle ride for about a half hour. Then when I came home I got a call from a friend of mine. She and I had known each other briefly prior to working together at H&R Block. She had bouht a house not far from me and she picked me up and showed me the place. Really nice place actually and she has been doing lots to it to make it home.

Well she and I have plans for her to come back by later and join me at the pool. I may have mentioned my love of the water a few times, but I go to the pool every day 3 or 4 times a day. I have a wonderful tan or burn depending on your outlook of it. There is a pool attendant and she and I have been talking when I am there. She is a sweet young woman and a joy to talk too. Her name is Renee and she is in college to be a teacher. Very admirable.

This past Thursday I had a doctors appointment with a new primary care doctor. She actually surprsied me in her level of concern and listening of what is going on with me. When I had left, I did so with 3 referals to other specialties. WOW! So now I will make appointments and see what comes of what. Could I have found a doctor that actualy cares about a patient? Time will tell!

Not much else to tell right now. So I guess that means I will bring this entry to a close. I have a few sites that I belong to should any of you wish to catch up to me there. If interested please email me at msamyweber@gmail.com and let me know. I will get you a list of the sites.

Until next time, remember to let the ones you care about and love know how you feel.

Hugs,
Amy

June 4th, 2010

2010-06-04T22:08:00.000-04:00

Been a very long time since I last updated this diary. For that I am sorry, just at times it is hard to keep up with life and all.

Today is my daughter's 20th birthday. I had texted her this morning and called her earlier this evening. My little girl, 20 years old! She and I talked about things and she is doing well. Work is going good, school starts in August for her, so I have to get some paperwork to her. She and her boyfriend are still having issues but they are still talking and friends.

I wish there was more that I could do for her. I mean her senior year was hard for her and I. And it was one of the most important years of her life!But we made it, we survived it. That is what she and I are, survivors. We are a tough breed if you will. We make the best of what we can, we take our lumps, and come back for more. Simply put we are stubborn as HELL!

I am glad she is doing well. I miss her very much. Between her and my schedules, I seen her once in the last year. That isnt nearly enough! I am glad that she knows that she can call me when she needs something. I am a very proud mother... she has never done anything to not let me be proud of her!

The last time I wrote, it was following the shoot May 8th in Ohio. I had mentioned that it was a good shoot, but the photos were not ones that flattered me well. This past Tuesday I had another shoot with a local photogragher. This latest shoot was a wonderful success! C and I got along wonderfully, he was prepared and professional.

I really felt good about this shoot. We did the shoot here in my apartment. So when photos go up, they will be of my home. We first worked in the living room. He loved the light that he got from the doorwall to the balcony. After the doorwall, he put me on the couch, then in the foyer coming into the apartment. Lastly we shot in my bedroom. Yeap that is right, when you see photos of me on the bed, it is my bed. Where I sleep and relax.

I have a lot of things on my headboard. I asked him if he wanted me to move a bunch of things. he surprised me with his answer. He said no way! It reflects me, who I am, my personality, my soul. After hearing him say that, I realized he was right. It works out for me. For like this diary, the photos are a look into me and my life. Making me more available to any of you. Helping any of you that care to, too know me more then say many other models. Which is exactly what I like, to be normal. not aloof and out of touch.

So he did a lot of shooting of me on the bed. You will see my large stuffed doggie Lord Thorin, my colored blankets, etc. some of the photos will show my little night stand at the foot of my bed and the things on it. Another angle will maybe let you read some of the bumper stickers I have on my desk drawers. Now mind you, you know a little by now, so you know that the bumper stickers are going to be, well adult interesting.

Master and I have been still seeing each other and growing more and more together. Getting closer in feelings, souls, minds. He really is a wonderful man. Of men in my past, he is by far the most special. The only one that comes close to him is the man I dated from Louisana. Master takes wonderful care of me, and some things come to fruition, things will get better for both of us.

On the 13th of May I had Comcast come out to address the slow internet speeds yet again. This time the tech went "above and beyond" as his supervisor puts it. Which in terms I understand is he went out of policy by doing more. Well the tech had done a number of things that day. And after he left, another supervisor called me because of a complaint to the better business Bureau. Talking to this supervisor I told him that my computer was FUBAR! He told me he was going to turn the tech around.

The Tech came back and basically blamed my machine. Like it did something in the 30 minutes since he left. Since that day, my computer had progressively gotten worse. Programs failing to run right, going to a not responding state, and so on. It all ended with an attempt to do a system restore, but all of my good configuation dates from january and so on were gone! There was nothing available beyond the day of the Comcast visit. Seems interestingly curious that it happened like that. That it all started the day of his visit. And all that was being attempted was to get the internet speeds in which Comcast is charging me for.

Well thanks to Master, and the many wonderful and talentedpeople that he knows. I am back online as of today! There is more to be done, but I am up and running. The only silver lining to any of this is that because the only way to fix my machine, was to do a complete format and OS reinstall. Now we didnt just put the OS that I had before on, but i am now running Windows 7 Ultimate! Now that is power! We will be putting more on and I will be getting additional software that is needed. Putting Office 07 back on my machine, Print Shop, full Adobe, and many other required and wanted things.

All in all, my machine will be like the old 70's TV show the Bionic Man. It will be bigger, stronger, faster... we have the technology! lol!

I guess that about sums things up for now. I still have about 600 emails to go through so that will take some time. But I am back up and running! Can you tell I am geeked about it?

So until next time, take care of yourselfs and those that you love and care for. Make sure that they know how you feel, for tomorrow is never promised.

Hugs,
Amy

May 11th, 2010

2010-05-11T22:42:00.001-04:00

Well another photo shoot down and done. It went well... but its work. I wasn't happy with how I looked but guess that is part of the biz. So let me start at the beginning...

My roommate and I had made plans with a friend of hers in Columbus to stay there while down there. So we are talking about Friday. My roommate had to work and it was going to be a long day for her. She had to do her regular job, then after that go do a trade show kind of thing to promote her company. She had gotten home about 9:30 pm and we knew it would be a late start.

So she gets home, I am packed and ready with two plastic tubs of wardrobe. One of shoes and things like gags and blindfolds. The other of outfits for whatever kind of shot we were going to do. Then my suitcase for the normal things just to wear and change into during the days in Ohio.

After loading everything of hers and mine into her car we get on the road. I drove she had a long day. After being one the road for a while we stopped for fuel and snacks for me. She wasn't hungry. Not to mention the weather last Friday was rainy and super windy! After fueling I drove some more with my roommate giving me directions to her friends house.

About 1:30 am on Saturday morning we pull into the complex where her friend lives. We get in and pull up to her apartment. My roommate and her friend haven't seen each other in a while so they hugged and such. Then we had gone inside and they began catching up. Of course the pleasantries of introductions for this is the first time I met her friend and her lover.

Went to bed at like 3:30 am and then got up at 8:15 am to get ready for the shoot. I took a shower and did my make up. Finished up with my hair and got myself together for the long drive to Zanesville. The drive was uneventful and my roommates GPS really helped a lot. It took just a little while and I arrived at the shoot location. The photographer was already there and I was like 30 minutes early. We introduced each other and started talking about the shoot. He explained Kim would be a little late due to GPS issues.

It wasn't long before she arrived and we finally met. Kim is the only one that really offered advice and answered questions I had when I first started out as a fetish model. For that I will forever be grateful to her. She is different in real life then what most see in pictures. She is warm, friendly, bubbly, always full of energy, and just an all around wonderful person. I would love to be able to call her a friend.

So at any rate, we had gotten started with the shoot and when it was all done, we sat upstairs in a bedroom. Kim on one bed checking email and texting, me on another bed in old prisoner chains (loving every minute of it), and Mark sitting in a chair. We all talked and Kim gave me tons of advice throughout the day. At a couple points, the interaction between Kim and I was like the old days of Harvey Korman and Tim Conway on the Carol Burnett show! Where she was Tim and I was Harvey. She just had me rolling at times!

The drive back to Columbus was just as uneventful. Stopped at a McDonald's and grabbed something to eat. Finished my drive and arrived back at the friend's apartment. I sat and talked to Master on the phone for nearly an hour and shortly after I finished that, my roommate and her friend returned. They had spent the day together catching up, shopping, and just being together.

That evening, my roommate, her friend, and her friend's lover and I all went to a swing club. Now swinging isn't something I do, but they do. It wasn't the plan to hook up and do the things that go on at a swing club. My roommate put her and I down as a couple together. Which is fine since we pretty much are anyhow. I discovered that there is a coding system in place at most. Be it cups or bracelets or whatever, there is. This place used cups, and for this night, a clear cup meant just mingling.

We went into the billiards room and her friend was going to play pool. The person she talked to asked if she wanted to play partners and I got drafted. So we played the first game and it went alright, but eventually we were beaten. So her friend played most of the night and we all watched.

There were people standing around, others trying to hook up, and all kinds of things going on. We stayed until the very end and left about 3 am and headed to the apartment. The next morning my roommate and I got ourselves together to leave and she went and said her good bye's for this trip. We left and had some things to do before leaving town though.

We did a little shopping, had lunch at Max & Erma's and I had this dish called The Laredo. It was a steak, cooked to order, with their signature seasoned butter or something. It had a very unique but wonderful flavor and taste. I really liked it a lot! So if anyone reading this is an employee and can smuggle me the recipe, PLEASE DO!

When we had finished with everything, we started for home. It was a wonderful bright sunny day. So the trip home was beautiful! My roommates son was coming over to spend a few days with us and it turns out Master was coming by to spend time with me. Master called me asking how long I would be before getting home and where I was. When I told him, he estimated my time to be about an hour and a half to two hours. I told him we would be home within the hour. He then commented that I must be driving. Drive like a cop still!

Her son has keys but the lock downstairs being so fouled up, they couldn't get in. We weren't that far away when they called saying they couldn't get in. So it was minutes and we pulled up. Her son and Master helped carry things back to the apartment. After settling and unpacking on my part, Master and I headed for the Bistro. There we had dinner and talked about the shoot and other things.

We sat at a table and got comfortable. Our waitress, Emily was beautiful, adorable, and sweet. So of course I was myself and started seeing how far she might go with things. I told Master at one point that before the night was out, Emily would kiss me! He looked at me like ok we will see. After eating we went and shot a little pool. I had a pretty good time of it and shot pretty well. Emily was still our waitress and Jason, who I have wrote about before, was bar tending. I got him to go pretty far too!

It was getting late and I was tired and Master had to drive across town to get home. So I got Emily's attention and she ran over literally. I told her it was time for us to go and she said "No!" and I told her sorry. But we took care of the bill and as I said, saying good bye to Emily ended with a kiss and a love ya!

Master and I went back to my place, he came upstairs and we spent just a little more time together. Then it became that time where he had to go. So with regret I let him go and he drove home. I went to my room and got ready for bed!

Yesterday (Monday) my roommates son and I hung out together all day. We had gone to a couple bookstores and I spent like $80 just on books! We hit some other stores too so it was an expensive day for me. When her son and I get together, it is not good for the world. He and I just feed off one another and just get wild. Not in a sexual way, just in a crazy way. We had people laughing and cursing us if that tells you anything.

last night we had gone to the Bistro again (noticing a theme here?) and had dinner. Mattie is an adorable bartender and she is cute as hell! So of course we filled her in on the night before events with Master, Emily, Jason and I, and she just couldn't believe it all! We had gotten to a point in our craziness that I was laughing so hard I was crying and I couldn't stop laughing! It was that wild. I tried picking a fight with the army recruiters that were there, but they weren't game for it. So I stopped. Just a little inter-service rivalry!

The night ended and we came home. Today we waited for maintenance to come by to fix some things and even had an appointment. They didn't keep there end of the bargain! So I called and complained and my level of complaining was such that they got someone there. But we had plans already. So when he showed up, I sent him away. I was not giving more of my day to them like I have nothing else I want to do.

We had plans to see Iron Man 2 and I really liked it! Can't tell you anything about it, but I liked it even though at places it felt to drag a bit. But all and all a wonderful movie. Mickey Rourke was fabulous as the bad guy, Scarlett Johansson was beautiful as always, Gwyneth Paltrow was wonderful again as Pepper Potts, and the one I really wondered about was the role of Lt. Col. Rhodey Rhodes. Last time it was played by Terrence Howard and he was really good at it. This time Don Cheadle played the role and he stuck the landing!

The interactions of the characters was wonderful and entertaining. Robert Downey Jr. was EXCELLENT as Tony Stark again (not to mention I would do him in a heartbeat!!!!) All around a wonderful movie and if you liked the first one, you will like the second one! There is an interesting bit following the credits so you have to wait until after all of the credits finish to know what I am talking about. So stick around!

Other then that, that was my week in review. Now it is time for me to turn off the computer, get ready for bed, put on my nightie, slip between the covers with my ice water (in a glass on the headboard), find something on the TV and slip off to sleep. Of course as I sleep I will be snuggling with my big stuffed doggie Lord Thorin as a stand in for Master.

And tomorrow is another day....

Hugs and kiss those you love. Let them know for no one knows what the next moment brings!

Hugs,

Amy

formspring.me

2010-05-04T10:03:00.001-04:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/AmyWeber

May 3rd, 2010

2010-05-03T18:12:00.000-04:00

Well here I sit once again. Been a busy time for me within the last week. Things for my roommate and I are going wonderfully and she is getting over a bad break up. She knows I love her and will do anything that I can for her. You know it is different between her and I, in that we share so very much. She knows that no matter what, I will always be there for her.

Last week I had gone and spent a few days with Master. He came out and picked me up and stayed here for a while with my roommate. Of course teased and played a bit too. My roommates son was here too because he had a couple of days off together. So he stayed with his mom, and Master and I left later in the evening.

The drive was nice for I was doing it with someone I really care about. It is funny, but Master and I have a connection more than just love and sex. We are connected in many ways hard for someone who has not been military or law enforcement would know. Like they say, for police officers, relationships between partners is stronger then one between husband and wife. That is what master and I have.

We had intended to go out for dinner and then to his house. I was casual but yet a bit dressy. I wore my little jean skirt, heels, black sweater, pantyhose and such. Classy & trashy mixed lol. He took me to this Italian restaurant near his house. It was really nice, small but very comfy. Master and I talked over dinner and yet gained newer and deeper levels of knowing one another.

When we finished we headed for his house. It is a beautiful place! Very very nice! Once inside the dogs barked like mad! The little one, Sparky, is adorable. He came right up to me and let me pet him. Shadow on the other hand is more timid for he was a rescue dog, he had been rescued from a shelter for abuse. Master showed me a little of the house. Then we went upstairs and he showed me around there.

In one of the upstairs rooms, he has an impressive collection of swords. Real and collector. Not to mention all of the other wonderful things he has to occupy himself with. When it was all said and done, he and I settled down a bit, and got cozy. We sat and watched Avatar in Blue Ray, and it is a really good movie. Then he and I retired to the master bedroom. God is his bed soft and comfy!

The next day he and I ran a couple of errands, had some lunch and such. Through the night, Shadow had come up on the bed with us a couple times and let me pet him. He is ok with me, he just must have been so abused to be so frightened. So we allow him his fear lol. We had gone down by the lake and it had been a long time since I was there.

Spending time with Master is wonderful! I have no fears, no worries, and know that everything will be just fine. He is not afraid to hold and comfort me, and he enjoys when I hold or touch him. I really am holding out hope that this is the storybook love affair I have dreamed of!

After a couple of days, Master brought me home. On Friday, Master came to my area and we went out with my roommate to a bar she and I go to often. It is the one with that bartender that I harass so much is at. Master wanted to see me and how I am. Let’s just say, I am pretty uninhibited! Master sat there as I talked, toyed, and teased this kid to death.

We got together on Saturday. This time, my roommate and I drove to his side of town to be wined and dined. We got to Masters house, and he was waiting for us. We got into his car and went off to Olive Garden. Now mind you, my roommate and I were both kind of dressed up. Being skirts and heels. Now what I wore was interesting to say the least.

I was wearing a blue top that has a black lace see through section in the bodice. Hell you could see damn near everything lol. With it I wore a black leather skirt, fishnet stockings, and black patient stiletto heels. Let’s just say it gathered some attention lol. We were seated and the waiter, Derek was cute as hell!

We were in a booth and I sat with Master on his side. What made it really fun is, there was this lady in the booth across from us. She was waiting for someone to meet her. As the three of us talked and ate, I kept noticing this lady. She was looking over, looking me and my roommate up and down, and just turning her nose up. Ok fine, she is entitled to her opinion. But why keep looking over?

Of course I did not censor my conversation and that just added kindling to the fire. She listened to almost everything we talked about. So of course, with me that meant I was going to pick it up a notch or two. We were almost ready to finish and leave when I caught her looking again. She just looked down her nose at us and me, and as she turned back to her table I could hear her say "Slut!"

Oh now it is on! I told Master and my roommate and started contemplating my finish. Master bowed his head as if to be bidding farewell to this woman lol. As we got up, I so wanted to lean over her table and tell he that she can think of me as a slut all she wishes. But what she thinks does not mean truth. Or to say something to the man that she was with like, she thinks I am a slut... wanna find out honey? But I behaved and didn’t say anything. I did not wish to be barred from the place lol.

We began walking out and of course my roommate and I made a small show of it. I mean come on, fishnet stockings in this kind of a "family" restaurant. This little boy was just glued to us. Some others looked with the same distain that the lady at the table expressed. I did not dress for them. I did not carry myself the way I did for them. I did it all for Master! Not that he asked me, but because I know he likes it. Because I know it helps him feel 20 years younger! And it releases his devilish inner self. The one he had when he was young and in the military.

We went to a bar where he knows a few people and we awaited a friend of his. Remember the double date night with my roommate, Master & I and his friend? Well the friend never called her and basically showed he was a scared young man that had no idea how to be with a beautiful older woman. But as they say, the best laid plans. He never showed up. We had gone back to Masters house again. This time she got to meet the dogs and get the tour.

Master made us all a drink and we sat drinking and talking. Eventually we all began getting tired and we had headed for bed. My roommate was hesitant to sleep with Master and I, so she slept by herself. Master had worked on pushing one of my hard limits that night. And he had succeeded in doing so. What it was is between Master and I.

The following morning, we got up, Master and I had some juice and we got some for L when she woke up. We talked more and such, then she and I got our things together and was readying to leave. L lets me drive because she tires of it so much and easily, so I drove us home. When we got home, she was still pretty tired so she headed for bed, and I wasn't far behind. I didn't sleep per se, but I did lightly nap.

Later last night Master came by. We spent the evening together. We had gone out for Chinese dinner, and of course it was raining. Master got here early enough in the day that when L woke up, he was napping in my bed. One of the best ways to spend an evening with two people you love... watching Beetlejuice together!

Tuesday or Wednesday I will be going to Masters again for a day or two. He and I will not be together this weekend for I have a photo shoot coming up in Ohio. The best part of the shoot... I will be working with the beautiful Kimberly Marvel! I cannot wait!

Last night I broke down and made a Facebook page. I had one a long time ago, and I am finally back there. So we will see how it works out. Here is a link for all of you how would like to take a look and send friend requests: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001054252924&ref=profile

With all of that said, let me say... take care of yourselves, those you love and care about. This morning here in Michigan we lost a dedicated police officer. He worked for Detroit PD and was responding with other officers to a 911 call about someone in a vacant building firing shots. When officers arrived, the subject opened fire on them. Multiple rounds struck the officer killed and 4 others were wounded in the exchange. The subject was taken into custody and treated at a local hospital. Another officer down in the line of duty.

And for what?

Please take a moment and remember the officers and members of our military that have made the
ultimate sacrifice!

Rest In Peace!

Hugs,
Amy

2010-04-19T10:57:00.001-04:00

Well here I sit again writing. First I would like to take a moment in remembrance of the Oklahoma City bombing of 15 years ago today where 168 people were killed in an domestic terrorist event.

Last time I wrote I was actually at work at Block. Just passing a slow moment in the office. While I was there all of my co-workers and myself just feasted on all the wonderful foods brought in for the last day pot luck. Eventually, Kimberly one of our really good tax pros came in. She and I talked the day before and knew she was going to do my taxes for me. Yeah I know, someone that works for a tax prep company waiting until the last moment... but I got them done!

Anyhow, Kimberly filed my Federal and State 2009 and did my State 2008 since I hadn't the year before. Damn memory lol. Anyhow, I have one that I have to mail in and the 2009's filed electronically. So hopefully, the state has stopped dragging its feet with payments and I will get my return sooner then later. But it is Michigan and the state is in big financial troubles with the auto companies and unemployment.

The last day was kind of bitter sweet. In that in just a few days of working in this office over here, I made lasting friendships! So lasting actually that when I write about Block, my friends all now have approved nick names so they know when I am talking about them! Well all but one, so lets start with that one. This is a tax pro I am speaking of and she is just a really different character to say the least. When she meets a client she is bubbly, reassuring, confident, and just professional. Now with all of us, she is silly, goofy and I think a bit crazy lol. And it seems to me her favorite saying is to refer to someone as Snarky. So here you go Snarky!

Next comes the one I worked with most. She has such a wonderful disposition and outlook on things that it is refreshing just being around her. She is pretty, witty (yeah a rhyme lol), and just a silly open to almost anything kind of person. She used to use the name Bunni, and that is with an i for all of you red felt tip correctors out there. And you know what, she is one of you! She reads things and will correct the hell out of it. Now she says she doesn't do that with my writings but lord knows she could turn the sea of words red!

Now comes kind of a favorite. She is brassy and full of umm, well she says what is on her mind. If she wants to know something she will ask. She and I trained together back in December 2009. When we got broke into groups for a study project, even though she is the Block vet of 6 YEARS! She made me spokesperson for our group back then. Is this a little revenge? Not really but it is fun to poke at her. So here I introduce the one, the only... Ruby Velvets! She chose it honestly!

Next we have this pixie of a girl, in her early 20's, been working for Block for years already. She has this outwardly pleasant and naive demeanor about her. A smile that melts things and just a caring way about her. But underneath... well that is a different story entirely! Lets just say Mary Pippins she is not! I seen her while training but never got to know her. Then is turns out we eventually come to work in the same office. I am glad I got to know her. So we have Pixie.

And that is the cast of characters up to this writing. We hadn't discussed or settled on names for the rest but I think I can add one more and my friends will agree with me. It is a tax pro, she sits at a back desk and is pretty good at what she does. But she is one of those people that look down there nose at you. No matter who you are, she thinks she is better for some reason. She has a way of interacting with someone that just makes you want to say something! I am going to call her Ms. Stick Up The Ass!

I am so glad I had come to work in this office. The people I work with for the most part are wonderful, accepting, open minded, and just a joy to be around. Unless you happen to be the one in their gunsights for the day! I would work with this group without question, especially compared to my last office. Thank you guys for being friends and giving me a chance to know you all!

Ok, my roommate and son that weekend we went out. Her son and I just feed off of each other and it is trouble to be around us. Funny to watch us from a safe, blast resistant distance lol. You know, with all of my references in here today about blast, and bombing, Welcome Big Brother! It is just a diary and not some sinister plotting. Just a diary! Anyhow, her son was on his way here and it was getting close to time for the Bistro to stop half price appetizers. So I took my roommates car over and got our order in before the time came.

The bartender was this young, cute, guy named Jason. Yeah you all know me, I strike up conversations with just about anyone! Anyhow, he asked me if I wanted something to drink and because I was going to be doing the driving tonight, I ordered a Coke and a menu. I looked at the appetizers and found the ones my rommie mentioned. So I got Jason's attention and ordered them just under the wire. jason had come around a couple times and we joked how all the food was not for just me and that my roomie and her son were coming to help me. Then he and I joked about how they could take there time and still beat the order out of the kitchen lol.

He had this tattoo on the inside of his right arm. It was binary code. So I asked him about it. He seemed surprised I knew it was binary, but oh well. No blonde hair here honey! Anyhow, he told me that he was always into computers, and that when he was in the Air Force the military treats everyone as a number. And that everything is by last name, so it is his last name in binary. I think it is clever as hell that he put it all like that.

Now Jason has a good sense of humor about him too. When my roomie and son showed up, I introduced them all and with me, most things have a sexual innuendo. jason actually turned around and asked point blank, is everything going to have a sexual innuendo with me. I said with a huge smile YES! His reply was simple in that "Ok, just asking" lol.

We ate and joked and had a good time. The world didn't matter. When we finished, we weren't done yet. We took her son with us to the aut bar in Ann Arbor. Was he a happy camper with that, not really but he is a trooper. Taking him to a GLBT bar. We had a drink or two and then we headed home. It was a great night and we all had a good time. And that is what it is about isn't it? A good time? Not letting life kick your ass.

Coming current to this past weekend. Master had set up this kind of blind date thing for my roomie with a guy he plays pool with. I am not using his name so he can be C since it follows B lol. We had it all set up and she was ok with plans. Which were no plans and that we were going to just wing it when it came to figuring out what to do. Master had just gotten his new car, an 2010 Mustang GT in a bright blue! You will see him coming! Master had gotten here about 4pm and we talked while my roomie finished getting herself together.

Eventually C called and was getting closer just needing directions to be sure not to make a wrong turn. So we give him directions and he gets here. He is dreamy! Master went down and showed him the car, they are both car guys, then they came in. C is very pleasant and presentable and a really nice guy. Master had left allot unsaid to him, but did explain lifestyle is the word of the day and that there may be some unique furniture in the house.

I checked on my roomie and she looked fabulous! Radiant, vibrant, and like a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers. We talked to C until she came out. It was one of those moments in time where you wish it would last forever. Everyone talked briefly after the introductions. Then we talked about where and what to do. Master smelled the pizza last time we were at Aubree's in Ypsi so Aubree's it was. C drove his car with my roomie and Master drove his with me. We got there and it was rather busy.

We ordered drinks and my roomies worst nightmare came to be. I was drinking real alcohol! She feared my sense of humor in normal, but on booze she was afraid lol. She and I drank Margaritas and C had a beer while Master (who doesn't drink) had a soda. The waitress came around a few times trying to get an order like we couldnt sit and talk.

Eventually we got to ordering. Watching my roommate and C interact was great. They were really hitting it off! After we ate, we discussed what would be next. So we decided on the Tap Room in Ypsi for some pool. Master and C played the first game, then C and I played and so on. At one point Master and I just shot at the table with no purpose to give them time to talk. It was wonderful watching. My roommate was becoming the person I first met a long time ago. The shining, loving person she is. This was seemingly helping her come out of her funk from a recent break up.

One of the topics was of course the lifestyle. We decided and C was interested in seeing some of it. So we went back to the apartment. My roomie did fireplace with me again this time for C. The whole time she was talking and explaining things to C and he was liking it. C had mentioned that it is relaxing watching it. I got him all worried, because that is what I tend to do, and said ok time to set me on fire.

Master was surprised that I just got undressed in front of C. I didnt strip, but my top and bra so she could do the fireplay. I mean come on, my boobs are out there from modeling! What's one more viewer? Anyhow, C had to work the next day. He and my roommate stood in the door talking some more, then we heard it. The kissing had begun. And not just a peck! This was one of those hey I like you and I am really interested in you kisses!

Master had done a back rub on me with rose oil and god it smelled wonderful. When he finished with me, he gave a back rub to my roomie to. And like me, she just went topless like it wasn't anything. he gave her a massage with the same oils and it was good. I laid on the couch just reveling in the evening. Her finding a good guy, the fireplay followed closely by the Violet Wand, then the back rubs.

She retired to her room again, as she usually does. Master and I went to mine. We never really got anywhere because at one point I began having my own issues. Not sure what was going on, but it is the second time Master has seem me have trouble and it has him worried. So I need to have it checked out medically. For it has me worried too.

Master was just by here. I hadn't answered him on something he directly asked of me. So I had mad a mistake and my punishment was caning. Not that Master wanted to, because he doesn't like administering when he is upset with me. But he gave me stripes with his rattan (hope it is correct spelling) cane for disobedience. He has many things to do right now so he did not stay long.

Remember to take care of the ones you love! Give them a hug & a kiss from time to time just to say you are important to me. And take care of each other... like days of old. When I was growing up, no one locked their doors.

Hugs,

Amy

April 15th, 2010

2010-04-15T14:53:00.000-04:00

Ok lets see... I am writing this while I am work at H&R Block. We are busy then slow, then busy then slow. So you get the idea. It has been an interesting day. For employees it is pot luck in the back room. Everyone is bringing something. At last count there is a TON of food in the back room.

Right now there is an lull in the action. Which is nice to say the least. I offered my manager to stay as long as she may need me. Which might bite me in the ass later for we could be open as late as midnight depending on the clients and how many. I am getting my taxes done today finally. As an employee a perk is that I get mine done for free. So if I get money back, all the better. It would make life so much nicer lol.

The office this week has been a total madhouse. And today on my way to work I got noticed as I rode my bike. For I wore a red skirt and black top! So legs, legs, legs lol. It was very different riding a bicycle wearing a skirt. But I love skirts and it was good for it is really beautiful outside!

Enough for now and more later.

Hugs,
Amy

April 14, 2010

2010-04-14T23:34:00.000-04:00

There is a lot to write about this time, so you will need to sit down, have a snack and a drink, to get through it all! Just teasing a bit, but yes there is going to be a lot in this update.

Ok, when last I wrote, I mentioned all kinds of things Master had gotten for me. Well this past Thursday (April 8), I was called and asked if I could work at an H&R Block office near me. The call came after my old manager had called me explaining there were more hours available. That is when I informed her that I had moved and it was not possible for me to travel all that way to work for her. I also mentioned that I didn't know or think Block had transfers.

Well apparently they do! My manager said that she would call the CSP Caption (the New Dave if you will as I have come to know him). She mentioned she would have him call me and go from there. So not more then a half hour later, I am sitting on the floor in my living room tending to my cane plants (and no, not cocaine! lol), a Yucca Cane and a Mass Cane. So I am sitting there and my phone rings, come to find out it is new Dave. He asks me if I can go to work at the Arborland Mall location and I asked him when. He said as soon as I can get there.

Well, ok, I told him let me get dressed and catch the bus and I will be there as soon as I can. So I did as I said, and when I walked into the office it was like being in the frying pan. I was met by the CSP and directed to the manager. Now this manager is way different then my last one. This one is fun, funny, and takes a light hearted approach to things. She made me feel comfortable and welcome.

After punching in, she introduced me to a few people in the office. And it could have been easier to gather the kiddies around the reading carpet for story time lol. "Here children, attention please! We have a new student... " ok I can't continue that. I know someone I work with is just laughing her ass off right about now (I hope). But this office is different then the one I came from. Not everyone in this office has a stick up their ass! Just one or two lol.

After the introductions and grand tour, I was given a desk. I helped with the phones and appointments while confirming other up coming appointments. When it had come time to end my day, I gained enough courage to be comfortable here. The one person I work with most is truly unique. She is a true joy to be around just by her water off a ducks back way. Everything in stride is what I think fits her best.

So that was Thursday. Friday I didn't do much sad to say. But Saturday... well let me tell you! Master, my roommate and I had a wonderful evening together. Master came over, and we had planned a little entertainment. My roommate was going to demo fireplay and Violet Wand to Master. Now Master had seen Violet Wands in use before and ordered one for us. But fireplay was new.

So after setting up the table, I disrobed down to a thong. I laid on the table face down and my hair was covered with a moist towel. And the fireplay began. It feels really different... for you feel the heat of the fire without having fire do to you what you think it would. It is a play for the sense of it as well as the visual appeal of it.

After the fire was shown, my roommate got out the Violet Wand. Now I was trying not to peek, and I really didn't. Come on now... I didn't peek! Anyhow, my roommate had charged herself by placing a probe against her skin and thus turning herself into the wand. She took her hands and went over my body. The tingling and sparking sensations just had me alive! Not to mention her touching me does just fine by itself! She has a sensual, loving, tender touch!

It is difficult for me to describe everything that went on with the wand for I kept my eyes closed for most of it. Not wanting to spoil what was next, but because it enhanced everything. At one point I rolled over and the focus of the wands power became my breasts and nipples. Now that is electrifying! Not to mention stimulating as hell! It didn't take long for her touch and the energy to bring me to climax!

When they had enough of my squirming around and such they let me rest. They covered me with an blanket and just talked softly as I came down from the high. At one point my roommate got close enough, that I brushed her with my hand. And this returned the charge to her and she called me a sneaky stinker! But it was all good. When there were moments of rest for me, I just had to be touching her! Feeling her and knowing she is close. Master I knew was close, but my roommate and I have a wonderful unexplainable connection to and with one another.

After cleaning up and composing myself we had went to Master's car and drove off. We went to this oriental restaurant on Washtenaw just wast of Golfside. Walking in the door the place was beautiful oriental trappings. We were shown to a table and ordered something to drink. This place has things on the menu I rarely had seen before. Like braised shark fin, geoduck, and so forth. I didn't order anything exotic but stayed pretty normal.

We finished dinner and the plan was to go play pool r darts or something. So we found ourselves back at the Tap Room in Ypsilanti. This is the place Master and I were the week before. This time I was wearing jeans and a fleece sweater. My roommate was wearing jeans and such too. The place was a bit busier this time. Master had gone up to the board and put his name, then mine, then my roommates. master watched as the two on the table played then when it was over, he began to put his cue together.

He and the previous winner played and it was a really good game. So it certainly wasn't a one sided affair. But in the end, sadly Master had lost the game. So then it became my turn to play the winner who won on Master. Ok, I racked, Master put together another cue for me, and the guy broke. It was a good game and in the end, he had the eight ball, and I had one of mine and the eight to go. So I held my own.

The guy got cocky within himself and he shot the eight. He suck it, but the cue ball followed into a pocket and I had won! You should have heard the guys in the bar raze him. He lost to a girl because he got cocky! So now it was going to be my roommate and I playing one another. But she didn't want to play and past her turn. This other guy come up and racked the balls. I broke and it was a weak piss poor break.

The game dragged on, and I was having a hard time getting my shots to pay off. But at the same time, I was playing smart and putting the cue ball behind others and just making it difficult for my opponent. Well it got to where I had a bunch on the table and he was down to one plus the eight. The ball he needed to get in was pinned right behind one of mine, and close to a corner. Thus making it such a difficult shot. I took full advantage of this. I shot at mine then I messed up.

I put the cue ball in a position where he had a shot. He suck his ball, then was shooting the eight. He didn't have a good shot at it, but he took shots at it. I didn't have anything open so since his was behind the line, I scratched on purpose. Forcing him to bank shot the eight. In the end, I did eventually lose. But again, the others in the bar rode him like a horse for taking so long to beat a girl.

It was a wonderful and enjoyable night all the way around. We had fun, no ones feelings got hurt (to bad lol), and so forth. Of course we stopped on the way home for a bottle of wine for me... and we know what that does for me lol. And then to home. My roommate excused herself to her room and shut her door. Master and I make it very clear that she didn't have to go into her room if she didn't want too. That she could have come into my room and spent some wonderful time with us. But alas she didn't want to intrude or anything. Convincing her otherwise is difficult!

Of course you know what went on between Master and I. Then the time had come for him to head back to his place for the dogs. And I slept wonderfully! Sunday my roommate and I had her son out her again. He is such a trooper. Of course that meant we took him out with us! That is another really long story and I will make a note to write about it, but it is late and I am tired now.

When I write again... likely tomorrow night... I will tell you about it and the rest of the days to now.

Good night and sweet dreams....

Hugs,
Amy

Easter Weekend!

2010-04-05T11:29:00.001-04:00

I hope that everyone had a good, wonderful, and Happy Easter! I myself am not a religious person, just was never raised with religion. I am not trying to spark a debate or anything, just stating a fact. I will not get into whether I believe or not for it is for me. Not all of you.

Now I do have a roommate that is religious and I respect her views and beliefs. Just as she does mine. She and I are very much alike in many ways, but drastically different in others. We even pass for sisters when going out. Not to mention that she and i have done a great many things together. From being happy, to crying, to making love with each other. There is no secrets between her and I, for we are that close. She is a beautiful woman and people need to see her. Her beauty is one thing, but someone needs to know the size of the heart that beats within her. She is like me in ways that she has had to endure many hardships and heartbreaks.

Well yesterday she and I had going to the aut' bar here in Ann Arbor. We had gone for a drink and to just get out on a beautiful day. Aut' is not spelled the way they spell it for the characters are not available here. But it is the only GLBT bar within the city. Ann Arbor in and of itself is very GLBT friendly, and all of the other bars have nights for the community. And since my roommate and I are openly very bi, it is a good place for us.

After having something to drink and some chips and salsa, we drove around to see a couple other spots. She wasn't expecting much to be open for the holiday, but there was a few things. On our way home, she wasnt ready to go home. So we thought for a minute of something else to do. So we settled on a movie. She loves the Renaissance as much as I do and dragons and fantasy. So the obvious choice was the new Clash of the Titans movie.

Having grown up on the original with Harry Hamlin in 1981 this is a very drastic different movie. Don't get me wrong, it is a wonderful movie and done very well. Just have to let what you may remember from the original go and watch and enjoy the new movie. It will certainly be a bigger and better movie in 3D!

Lets see, Saturday night Master had come over. He had brought gifts for me. I have my public collar of which I wrote about in a previous entry. One gift was my lifestyle collar. A beautiful black leather collar with a ring in the front and back. Flanking the front ring are two ornately carved medallions. God the work that went into this collar! Other gifts included a metal ring gag that if he would choose to, fit through. The last gift was a stainless steel hook that is made especially to be inserted in the rectum. Of course there is a ring at the top of the hook should he decide to tie a rope through it or a leash.

If you would like to see this hook you can usually see one being used on a web site called "sex & submission" which is part of the Kink.com network.

Master wanted to see how it fit and what it did to me. So we had gone into the bed room where he tied my hands behind my back, and then my ankles to my wrists with my knees parted. When he was ready, he had put a little lube on the hook and began to insert it. At the end that goes in, there is an large stainless ball which of course helps it stay in. Once it past, the gasp from me was musical! Then of course the feeling of it as it settled deep within me.

For those of you that like anal sex, you know what I am talking about. It is a completely different sensation then the other means. He worked the hook a bit to get me more excited, then he began fingering me too. WOW is all my mind was registering. When he stopped he placed a large stuffed doggie I have on me. And if you were to just look in, it would appear that the dog was humping me! So he went and got my roommate. Lets just say it was a sight! He played with me some more to the point of climax, then he stopped before I did. Oh the torment! But I loved it!

Master and I had gone out for dinner. Not far, just to the Bistro behind the complex here. It was game day for Michigan State in the final four v the Bulldogs. I am not a basketball fan and this is U of M territory but U of M wasn't in it, so people here are loyal to the state in situations like that. Anyhow, service was slow, but the company was wonderful.

We had ordered and continued to talk about things over the dinner. Master promised me that if he thinks i am sandbagging it playing pool, that he will whip some stripes into my flesh! I told him I will play the best that I can.

Now being the devilish woman that I am, I had planned on pool all week. I wore a black long sleeved top that zippered all the way in the front. The neck of this blouse is square so I knew when I bent over to take a shot, someone could look right down into my top without effort! Now I wasn't going to not wear a bra, so I wore a red one with a black lace trim. And when I looked in the mirror to see what others would, I was happy with it!

Ok, that is the upper half lol. Now for the bottom, I wore a red satin thong to compliment the bra. The item I chose for the best effect was a jean skirt that i have. It is very tight, and very short! I did not wear stockings or pantyhose for I just chose not too. Then simple flats instead of heels because of shooting pool.

We had drove to a bar in Ypsilanti called "The Tap Room". This bar is a place where people introduce themselves and Kevin or Hillbilly! Get the idea? Master and I walked in, and the tables are in the middle section of the place. We ordered some sodas and began to set up. I racked the first rack and Master knew then I had some knowledge of pool. He told me all week, he hadn't even known a Marine that didn't pick up a pool cue in his life! So the gig was up a little.

When I finished racking, he looked and said that it is a legal rack. So he broke and we began playing. It wasn't long before some people moved to watch as we played. Likely for two reasons, one people do like to watch pool, and the other for the view. This one guy made no attempt to hide that he was looking down my top or at my ass. For when I had to bend over to shoot, or stretch for a shoot, I would hike up my skirt a bunch and lean over the table.

Yeah I knew what I was doing. I knew the thoughts that likely went through many a mind. Not to mention when I bent over to shoot normally, anyone opposite could look right down my top. Master had invited a couple guys playing on the other table to join us in a partners game or two. While we played someone put his quarters on the table and waited his turn.

At one point when I was sitting down, Master walked up and made sure that I knew people were looking down my top and at my ass. I told him that I knew and it was what i was after. He giggled and just realized I truly am a devil... maybe a Succubus fits better. You tell me.

The time had come for Master and I to leave. As we packed up, it was funny. I made a very deliberate attempt to not scan the room or be aware of those around me or what is going on. I had left that to Master. So when we began walking out and people shook not only his hand but mine too, and made comments to him as we moved through the room "Now you take care of that lovely lady" I grinned and kept moving.

Yes I was teasing! In a major way! But every once in a while it is something a woman does just for her own state of mind. To show that confidence and pride in herself. I didnt do it just to get some dicks in the bar hard. That will happen regardless of what a woman does for certain men. I knew I was safe with Master and felt almost invincible!

Of course when we had returned to the apartment we played before he had to drive all the way back across town to get to his home. The end of the night lets just say was very tiring, rewarding, stimulating, and exhausting! Master left happy and I slipped into bed happy and content.

My entries of last have had to be difficult on one person in particular. There is someone in MN that I had been talking too and become close to. Well as close as two people in different states can be. I haven't been able to bring myself to tell him that I have been collared. For that I am wrong and sorry. I just do not know how to say it. He does read this diary and it seems I have given little thought to him. I hadn't forgot him! Distance once again has interfered with things in my life.

M if you are reading this, I am sorry I didn't say something. I just couldn't bring myself to or even find the words to do so. I hope that you understand that finally in a long time, I am happy! Of course we don't know how happy I would or wouldnt be with you. I hope that you can understand and that I do not want to lose touch with you. Just that for now it did not work in our favor.

Take care of those that you care about and love. Tomorrow is never promised!

Hugs,

Amy

March 27th, 2010

2010-03-28T17:46:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a very special day for me. Many of you know from reading my writings here, that I am live an alternative lifestyle. Basically BDSM & D/s. Yesterday a man that I have been seeing offered to collar me and make me his. I knelt before him, and happily accepted his collar and to become his!

What makes this worthy of writing about is that, this is the first time in my entire life that I have been collared! First person to ever get a collar on my neck as theirs. Others have said they would collar me, but few had what it took, or were just blowing sunshine up my ass. Not this man. He told me that I made him very happy that I accepted his collar.

Last night, after sitting here with my roommate for a bit. He and I attended a lifestyle party. This was our first time out in public with me collared to him. Of course I had talked to a great many people that I knew, and I made it no secret, I am collared. Basically it is the bonds of a relationship.

When we found a table, I seen someone I knew. I asked if I could say hello and he let me. This mans name is Frank and he is known in the bondage world for he is a first class rigger of bondage. Frank and I talked about 5 years ago about my posing in his ropes. But because of things happening in life, it never came to be.

Until last night. I said hello to Frank, met a couple of his friends, and then made the comment "What no guinea pig to tie up?" He said "Sure I have a guinea pig, your it!" With that I took off my jacket, sat down in a chair and Frank went about the task of trussing me up like a holiday turkey! Finally, in Franks ropes. To bad there was no camera and such for it. I have to get one so that I can start getting pictures to add to these posts.

At the end of the evening, Master headed towards his home, and my roommate and I went to Bailey's in Dearborn Michigan for pool. Some others joined us from the party and then we headed home for the night.

Take care of those you love and care about....

Hugs,
Amy

march 23rd, 2010

2010-03-24T12:02:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was a day for me to remember. Now mind you, this entry will be blunt and at times kind of graphic, so if this offends you or you are not of age, please leave now!

As many of you know, I had recently gotten out of a bad relationship. Yes he and I are both to blame (what man would admit that?) for we simply moved to fast to soon. But the best part of this is, I am out of there, away from him, and beginning to live my life happily! Yes happy is a word I seldom use when talking about my life and experiences, but happy is being used more and more.

Now this entry is maybe going to hurt someone I do not wish to hurt, but please understand... I have needs that haven't been met in a long time! I had someone come by the apartment yesterday. He is a wonderful man and has a huge heart. he is a dominate to my submissive nature. He and I had enjoyed the day together doing many things! He asked me if I trusted him, and I do for I have known him for some time. And he brought out an 8 foot bullwhip. I had never been whipped with a bullwhip before, but now I can say that I have been. Besides the bullwhip there were single tail whips in various lengths and other toys.

I was wearing a short silk nightie and a thong. He arrived and we exchanged pleasantries. First he had me kneel on the couch facing the back of it. Arms out to my sides along the back. he then tied my wrists so I couldn't move. Then my ankles were next in being tied to the far ends of the couch. He asked if I had a ball gag and I told him there were four on my headboard. He returned with one, the purple one, and put it in my mouth!

Here I am, toed to the couch open and vulnerable. Gagged so even if I wanted to make a lot of noise, I couldn't make much. A nightie and thong with my ass in the air. Yeap I was helpless and within my personal bliss. He started with the bullwhip. He cracked it a few times over me to see if I would jump, and I did not. Then the first stinging and painful lash! A whimper and kind of cry and moan from me. The searing, burning feeling on my skin. It was painful yet erotic as hell. My breathing was quick and labored. My mind racing. Then the next lash and it repeated!

The feeling of being whipped is intense yet erotic, arousing, and euphoric. At first for me it is pain with bits of unexplained pleasure. But as it continues, it changes, it morphs. It becomes more arousing, more erotic. Until it ultimately becomes intensely pleasurable. I remembering opening my eyes, and seeing the drool as it hung from my lip to the floor. Ball gags tend to do that, make a woman drool. And then I focused on the small puddle of drool it was forming on the floor.

The bullwhip went across my back and shoulders in an X fashion. Then he began whipping my ass. And the feelings began a new for it was a new location. When he was done with the bullwhip, he began using one of his single tails on me. It has a much hotter sting to it, and really has a way of getting ones attention. He took this glass toy from a padded bag, and put a little lubricant on it. Then he moved my thong and began lingered about my anus. I was so far into Sub Space that without thinking about it, I was moving with it, trying to catch it! He asked me if i was trying to catch it and I told him the truth. He then told me that would be four hard lashes with the bullwhip!

The first came and it was hard! It felt like it burned through to my chest! Then there were more. When it was done, he came up and held me. He told me I took them well and I deserved a reward. So he took the glass toy, which was a series of progressively large diameter spheres, and began at my anus. He placed it at the opening and gave it a bit of pressure. With a moan from me, and a moment of time, it disappeared within me. And he continued this until it was all of the way in me! God it felt so good, so long had it been since I felt something or someone within me. HEAVEN! Was the only thing that came to mind. I came not much long after that by the way! He then began to moved it and play with me. The next thing I knew was the buzz of the Hitachi wand. A vibrating toy that plugs into the wall so batteries never die! I had cum again!

My day was far from over. Things had moved from the living room to the bedroom. We laid on the bed, me still recovering from the bliss of moments before. We talked and discussed things. I then told him a story from a few years ago about an officer from Michigan DNR and I. Then I asked him if I could ask him something and he gave me permission. I learned over the bed, grabbed my purse and took out my handcuffs. I smiled and joked because the DNR story involved cuffs, and I locked one on my wrist then the other one my other wrist behind my back.

He then told me I was in for it now for I had given him my hands. He reminded me of just how helpless I was. He then took the ball gag and gagged me once again. He used that glass toy on me again, a single tail, and the Hitachi all at the same time. It was system overload! All of those sensations, all at once! I was gone, lost in orgasmic bliss and pleasure I hadn't felt before. He took a moment and went to my desk. he remembered the drawer where I kept a large personal friend. He put lube on it and began working it to get into me.

Let me say it like this, this was the best fuck of my life and it didn't involve his penis at all! we later joked about how I was "Spring loaded" as he called it, and how I climbed the toy and dildo like there was no tomorrow! I was lost within my passion I was feeling pleasure on scales not often achieved. Now mind you, everything that made it into me, was in me via my anus!

When all was said and done, I laid on the bed a heap of spent used womanhood. I couldn't move, I had not energy at all, I was just there! He uncuffed me and removed the gag, we laid there for about 45 minutes with me just trying to get my self and strength back. While I recovered, we talked about things between us. When it finally came time, we began gathering things and cleaning up. It was time for him to go and for me to find my bed and take a nap!

My roommate came home and we had planned on going back to her other house, and getting some more of her things. So she drove and the look on her face when she first seen me, she just knew I was in the clouds. The ride to her other house was one of me like on an high. Just oblivious to everything happening. Eventually we began talking about it. You know how women are lol.

We got to her house, got some more of her things together and loaded them in her car. Her son made something to eat so we had a bite with him. Talked about a few things, then talked a moment with her neighbor (the mayor's with of her town) then we headed back home together.

Once back here, I had to get chocolate! I was craving like you wouldn't believe. So I walked up to the gas station and got myself a hershey Dark Chocolate bar and a Coke. Yeah what a combination! Then back home for the night.

Today I borrowed my roomies car for I have a job interview as a limo driver. This ought to be interesting!

Till there is more, let those you know that you love, that you do love them!

Hugs,

Amy

Moving Complete!

2010-03-19T15:26:00.001-04:00

Well I am obviously back online, and am updating post move. Tomorrow will be one week since I had moved and I feel alive, be it dead tired and sore from moving. I don't think anyone really likes moving, and I have no plans to do it anytime soon. I moved to the U of M area in Ann Arbor Michigan! I had lived here once before as a high schooler. I had did the last half of tenth grade at Ann Arbor Pioneer High School which is on the corner with the U of M Big House!

A girlfriend of mine and I moved in together. She to be closer to her work and other reasons, me because I like this area. And being post relationship with Dave, I feel alive! His restrictions on my ability to find a place didnt stop me. It seems that he had restricted things in kind of a half assed attempt to "hold" me living with him. On one hand I can see why, I was maid, tutor, babysitter, and such to the kids and him. It is truly like he is of two personalities. One that wanted me to stay, and one that wanted me to go so he could move onto other women.

Any which way it works out, I am out, free, and living my life. I can feel my mood as it has changed from despair and a general gloomy disposition to one of being happy and alive again. Moving in with Dave was the first (and last time) I will move in with someone I become involved with. It didn't work, and I am not looking to make the same mistake some other day.

Since I have been here, while taking breaks from the unpacking and figuring where things belong, I would take a bike ride. Not motorcycle, bicycle so there is no confusion. I went a different direction on the compass to learn what is around. There is allot in the general area. Lets see, there is Kroger's, Meijer's, Home Depot, Lowe's, my bank, lots of restaurants both fast food and sit down, a bowling alley within walking distance, a great flower shop with a green house, a K-Mart same as the bowling alley... and you get the idea.

the one day I put 20 miles on my bike. it wasn't a triathlon pace, just a general pedal. There is a lot of hills and such, but I would dismount the bike and walk it. I found an Allstate Billiards which is my favorite place to buy things for my darts. Like flights, shafts, and tips. not to mention I am updating my resume and forwarding it to the manager there. All in all, can y'all tell I am happy once again?

My roommate is a girlfriend of mine and she and I are more like sisters. Hell we even look alike in many ways. We are the same age par four months. She and I are cut from the same cloth, have damn near identical experiences and histories. The only thing that really is different between us is, I will eat a lot of foods. She is more conscious of what she eats and likes. Like there is Lean Cuisine and KFC in the fridge. Anyone care to guess who's food is who's? lol!

The apartment is beautiful, we have a huge balcony, two swimming pools, tennis courts, 24 hour fitness center, and it is a gated community! During the day, the gates are up, but after hours, there is an attendant in the guard building and I'D's are held until a guest leaves. So all in all, pretty good and a whole lot better then a lot of places.

I have two cane plants I just love. One is a Mass Cane and the other is an Yucca Cane. Very much contrast to each other for one has full leaves and the other spiny sharper ones. Maybe kind of like my personality. Warm and fuzzy until I have to back you off lol. But my plants are loving the balcony. I have loved plants most of my life, and worked in a greenhouse while in junior high school. So there will be more plants to come, just takes time to get things the way I would like them. A nice African violet for my desk, a Boston Fern for hanging in my room, etc.

That flower shop/greenhouse, had this huge champaign glass they use for wedding arrangements. While talking to one of the girls there, I thought it would look really neat with Boston Fern ringing the outside of the glass, and a nice, kind of tall flowering plant in the middle. Transplanting it would be a bear, but it would look really neat!

As time progresses, my roomie and I will buy things to dress the place up. She has more of a style and decorating sense then I do. My experiences in decorating is Marine Corps & police inspired with a touch of my feminine nature. I do like that I can leave things out in my room that I hadn't been able to before. Like ball gags, and my crop and such.

Yes I model fetish and bondage, but I am also into the lifestyle and these are things personal to me. I enjoy bondage privately as much as I do for all of you! I still see myself one day working with those sick bastards at Sex and Submission dot com lol. I am a member of the site and like a lot of what they do. There are of course things there that I do not like too, but that is neither here nor there.

I did some laundry for the first time here. You know, one of those chores not many really like, but have to do. So I took a book to the laundry room and read while the clothes washed and dried. I have a lot of books, and I found out while moving just how many, and how heavy they are! Like my taste in music, it depends on my mood. I mean I have lots of military and police related books, I have mystery and horror along with romance and things I can learn from.

Well it has been an interesting day thus far. I did a chore, and am starting to catch up on the things I like to do. Like posting things going on and such. Not to mention being able to write regular emails to those I correspond with regularly. Thank you all for being so patient with me while I moved.

Oh, never made the St. Louis photoshoot. Things came up on my and there ends. So it will be rescheduled. Plus the timing was going to be tough for me having just moved and being so sore from the move. In May I am working with the WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFUL Kimberly Marvel in Ohio. God that is going to be so nice, finally meeting her! We talked on the phone the other day. She sounds like a pixie! Not picking on her, but her voice just matches that smile of hers we all have come to know. She seems like such a wonderful person!

Ok, time for me to finally get something to eat. Either been doing the laundry, writing here, or answering my phone. So it is reheated KFC! So how many guessed right? Like it was a challenge at all.

Take care all, remember to take care of those you love and care about!

Big Hugs,

Amy

A New Beginning

2010-03-11T12:12:00.000-05:00

As the title tells, a new beginning is dawning for me. I am less then 48 hours away from a move into an apartment with a girlfriend of mine. It is a beautiful place, with tennis courts, 2 pools actually shaped like the numbers, a 24 hour fitness center and club house... god this is going to be good! This is not only a new beginning for me, but for her as well.

She is moving closer to work and getting on with her life. Just as I am. She and I actually pass for sisters, and if you go back to some of my entries from August 2009, you will get a better idea of who she is to me. Anyhow, she and I are alike in many ways, but yet different enough to where we have our separate strengths. We compliment each other would be a great way of saying it.

So Friday night, I am loading a truck. Saturday morning I am getting into it and driving away from what was almost like a prison sentence. Now I am not saying that moving away from here is not going to hurt. The man that I was with has two children that I have come to love. Especially his son... to him I have been a tutor, an person of structure (which neither had before) and so much more. He seems to be taking this harder then I thought he would. I will still be in contact with the kids. Continually pushing them for homework and progress reports on their school work.

As far as between Dave and I. Well it was over long before it actually began. I have wrote about this before so I am not trying to rehash. But I still think about the look on his face this past Sunday when I told him I found a place and was moving this coming Saturday. It is almost like he was disappointed, but then as a friend pointed out to me, it is his loss of control over me. The fact he is losing his built in babysitter, tutor, and mom figure for his kids.

I agree with my friends assessment. For he is 100% right. Dave has done nothing but try to guilt me in one way or another now that I am leaving. He has insinuated that I will be like his ex-wife in that I will take everything he owns and he has begun locking things up. Gee, my being a sheriff for all of those years doesn't count for diddly. Thats ok, he is living in his own little world. He has not been able to hold onto a woman for more then a couple months at a time and I am no exception.

But this is all going to soon be behind me. I will still try to see the kids from time to time. He has told me (merit is in question here) that I would be invited to all of the different yard parties for the different holidays. But we will see. I may and I may not. He is more pissed off now that because my modeling is getting more main stream that he can't claim me.

I have a shoot in St Louis next week beginning on the 17th. Then while there I may have another with a photographer named Ron Barlow. Now his is a name I know, for I have seen his work in JC Penney catalogs. But it is not for sure yet. And to think my modeling would be entirely in the fetish community. How dumb was I lol. Frankly I hope it does work with Ron. That is yet another avenue for me to pursue and further my career.

Then following St Louis is May in Ohio, and that is one I am looking forward too! For I will be working with the legendary Kimberly Marvel! Now Kim and I have spoke in the past. When I was first asked about modeling, I wrote to her and asked for advice. She freely and willingly gave me all of the advice she could manage. For that I will forever love her. It made her more human, more approachable then some others. Which is kind of my approach to modeling. To be there and reachable by anyone wishing to email, talk, or whatever with me. Hence the reason I post locations I will be for fetish parties and such.

So it is coming together for me. I mean the timing could be more flexible and favorable to me, but maybe this is what I have to adjust too as a model finding herself in some kind of demand. God, I hope this is not the beginning of an ego. I just want to remain real and the woman everyone knows. The person you may way to on your way out the door going to work and such. The woman you see tending to her flowers in the front yard and your imagination starts running. getting the idea?

I may be out of touch for emails for a couple of days. But that would be from like Friday night, Saturday morning, until I get the cable hooked up in the apartment. This is a new place for her too. So it isn't like she had the place and I am moving in. We are moving in together. But it is going to be good and better for her and I.

So until next time, stay tuned to the same bat time, same bat channel and see if Batgirl escapes the clutches of the Penguin or Joker.

Big Hugs,
Amy

I wasn't going to write this... but I will....

2010-03-02T20:45:00.000-05:00

Hello Everyone,

Something scared the hell out of me but also made me so mad and upset. Not only at what happened, but at myself too. Hang on this might be a bumpy ride.

I have been looking for a new place to live. apartment, roommate thing, doesnt matter. Anyhow, this guy, I will call him Silly, has a room in his home. He has two other exchange students living there and himself. The house is a tri-level. Anyhow, things have been difficult as it relates to getting around.

So Silly offers to pick me up, take me to the house, show me the place, and then discuss terms and such. Ok, all pretty good and above board. Now is when it gets goofier. He can't pick me up until later in the day like evening. Not a problem, night doesn't scare me. So he picks me up about 9pm and we head over to the place. As I mentioned, it is a really nice place and the room is a room. Not much to tell about four walls, ceiling, and floor. So we begin discussing terms.

He suggests that we go to a bar he was going to buy and talk over a couple drinks. Again, ok for the bar he wanted to go to is like 40 minute walk from where I am living now. So I go with him, it is heading back the way I have to go anyway. We go into the bar, and he orders a mixed drink and a beer for me. Then he sees they are going to play poker. Yeah not the plan, but he and I can talk between hands and everyone there seems to know him pretty well.

He plays, I watch, only because I am not a card player! If I played, it would be easier to just put my money in their pockets for them. So anyway, he checks to make sure I am not getting bored or anything. Hey if he is buying, I can drink a couple. So when the game ends, he and I sit at the bar, drinking some more and talking about the room.

Now I hate sounding like I am bragging about anything but this is the way the conversation went. As we talked, he kept getting this smile on his face and a playful demeanor. I would ask him what and he would say that my skin looked so soft, or my lips looked so kissable, etc. I took it all as compliments and flattery. Maybe this will help me get better terms on the place. Every dollar saved is another dollar I have for myself!

We get onto the topic of my modeling. I am not ashamed of what I do or the type of model I am. So he asks me what kind of modeling I do. I told him you will not find it in your J.C. Penny's catalog. He smiles and says well what kind then. So I tell him that I do adult/fetish modeling. Particularly bondage modeling. He smiles and said really, and the conversation went on from there. No harm.

As we talk, the conversation slowly or I should say rather quickly turns to me and things I like etc. The conversations are flowing easily and I tell him that I also am into the lifestyle of BDMS slash D/s and attend regular dungeon parties. This starts to get his heart pumping and he asks questions like am I the one that does the tying or am I the one tied and whipped? I explain to him that I am submissive and such and what that entails, at least to me.

Eventually the bar begins to close and we head out. Yes he has had to much to drink, yes I needed to get back where I am living. It was maybe a 5 minute ride from where we were. Before anyone starts, yes I know 5 minutes or 5 hours, it doesn't matter when it comes to drunk driving. I wasn't driving , he was, and I was prepared to take any action I had to so as to avert a crash. Please do not lecture me on this, I know it was boneheaded and all. Especially given my work background.

So he gets to Haggerty Road and turns towards the freeway. I started right away asking him where he was going. He insisted that I go home with him and all the wonderful other things a drunk says to a woman. He gets onto 94 east and is heading to his place. I tell him repeatedly that he needs to take me home and that we are doing nothing together! That there is nothing between us except business of me renting a place from him!

He insisted on holding my hand, and for me that was a bonus. I let him because it gave me a good grip on his hand, and I held it with my other hand too. Thoughts in my mind where if it goes sideways, I can get a quick secure wrist lock on him. He didnt notice this at all!

I convince him to drive me toward where I live, and he misses the exit. He takes the next one and turns around. So we get close to the right exit again and he passes it again. I tell him he needs to take Wayne Road! In the meantime, I use one hand to get my cell of my hip and I dial it without him noticing. I dialed 911 and could hear the dispatcher talking. I just started talking louder and giving location, vehicle type, and what is happening, hinting that he is refusing to let me go. He does get the Wayne Road exit and turns towards town. Ok, this is good, this is the right way. He is reluctantly doing this. He so wanted to get lucky with me!

We get to the corner of Wayne Road and Goddard and guess what... Romulus PD right at the corner. It is his dispatch that I have on the line so he has to be aware of the situation already. Silly turns onto Goddard to head through downtown Romulus, and the police fall in behind us. It isn't long before he lights us up. Thinking to myself, this is great! He comes to a stop and I let go of his hand and grab the door handle.

As the officer approaches, I open the door and he hears it. It puts him right on high guard which is what I was looking for. He come around to my side of the car, and eventually got me out. I explained quickly and briefly I am his caller and that Silly is DUI and I need away from him for he was refusing to take me home. The officer takes me back to his car, and along the way I tell him I am retired sheriff and he pays a bit more attention.

He goes back to the car Silly is driving and gets him out of the car. He asks him standard questions and so forth. Eventually making the determination that Silly is DUI and he makes the arrest. Thank god, a bad situation was averted and I was now safe. Silly was taken away and the officer that made the stop took me home.

Now the reason I am writing and telling this to you all, even though it makes me look like a bimbo and a dumbass, etc. Is because I wonder why men in general, have such a hard time taking no for an answer? I am just an everyday kind of girl and I am not Cindy Crawford or something. Yes I am a model, and I love what I do, but WTF? This was all business and it turned all kinds of ways on me.

Yes I guess I am different in person then that what many of you see in photos or video. I am, and again I hate sounding like I am bragging, engaging, and I can converse on many levels. My eyes are my eyes, and I do have a tendency to use them without realizing that I am. It is something with who I am and how I interact with people. I just have a sexual-ness that flows easily! I don't really know how to say it and hope you are getting the idea.

I just wish that people would approach things as they are. This was a sort of business meeting, not a date. And he kept referring to it as a date. He is actually lucky he is not facing abduction charges! For he did hold me against my will for however brief a period. I am not looking to EVER be raped again! But this is twice now in my life, once where I was brutally raped, and once where it could have gone any direction!

Makes me wonder what life is about. Makes me wonder why so many times people get themselves into situations like this. Some not so luckily getting out of it. Even though I was scared out of my mind, I kept having to deal with the memories of my rape, while maintaining a presence of mind to keep calm and handle the situation the best that I could. I did not have my sidearm on me for I didn't feel that I needed it.

I want to extend my deepest gratitude and thanks for helping me out of a horrible situation to the Romulus Police Department in Michigan. Yes I have teased and at times bad mouthed them as a sheriff. Kind of like inter-service rivalry in the military. Officers thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Be safe and care for those you love!

Hugs,

Amy

Saturday Night February 27th 2010

2010-02-28T22:05:00.002-05:00

Well last night was an interesting night. I had been planning on going to the Dark Nirvana dungeon party for the last two weeks. As it got closer I became more nervous and unsettled. It is kind of far from where I am living and it just isn't easy to get around here. I was trying to find someone going that I could get a ride with and then of course back.

Well I tried to arrange something with M, the friend of mine that took me around last weekend to see new perspective places to live. He was going to call me when he finished work and let me know. When he did get a hold of me he was telling me it would be like 7pm when he would get here to me. The party started at 7pm. I am not one that likes to be fashionably late or anything like that. But if that was going to be the case, so be it. What choice did I have.

I spoke to Master P, another going and the person that actually invited me specifically for this party. As it worked out, Master P could pick me up but couldn't really get me back. So the final result was, Master P would pick me up and I would go to the party with him. I left messages for M that I could get there if he could get me back. By the time Master P arrived, I hadn't heard from M. So I was hoping things would work out for the better.

The whole way there, Master P had a laser/radar detecter that just wouldn't stop going off! I mean lets face it, it is Romulus! Romulus makes it's money on moving violations! Romulus is home to Detroit Metro Airport an old, not sure of Delta, hub airport. So there is a lot of traffic in and out of town, it is local to two freeways, I-94 & I-275. So there is much revenue to be found for the local police. Hence the possibility of stationary laser/radar systems. Kind of a long story to just say it was funny how often his detecter was going off.

We arrived at the location for the party and we were early. Which is good with me. I would prefer to be early to someplace rather then close to time or late lol. We sat in his car and talked for this would be the first time he and I played together in this realm. he is not like most, for he does not require outside approval or the need to show off for people. He has a confidence in what he does, likes, and knows. And it shows! Master P is a really nice, sweet, man... and as I found out later in the evening... skilled with the toys or tools of the dungeon party.

Anyhow 7p had come around and we walked in. I was wondering about the snow for I had really wanted to wear a pair of new heeled sandals. They have a satiny look to them and sow a lot of foot. Not my usual choice in heels, for I usually would prefer pumps or stilettos. Out I am finding I like them (giggle). So anyhow, back on topic, the heels would have really taken a beating just walking in, not to mention wet cold feet for me. So I wore my flats in, and changed for the heels inside once seated.

Master P and I walked in and found a seat at a table more to the center of the room. There was about a dozen people there same time as us. This parties theme was Chinese New Year and the pot luck was going to follow that theme. While sitting we talked more about who was there and some of the dungeon furniture. while Master P and I talked, Henry a man that has become a wonderful and good friend to me walked up. He pardoned his interruption but he wanted to make sure to say hello to me! So Henry and I hugged each other and said our hellos. This makes two weeks in a row that he and I were at the same event.

Of course I cannot recall each item of the evening, but it turned out that I knew a surprising number of people in attendance. I guess I am "in the scene" so to speak lol. While Master P and I sat there talking, he placed a collar around my neck, leather cuffs around my wrists and ankles... not to mention they were purple with black piping. Oh they looked good, didn't feel bad either lol. At one point a male submissive come up to us. He was gathering support for his Mistress. Next weekend at the same place, is a charity event. A person in the lifestyle is having major issues with something personal and the event will be held to raise money for them. Well, the Mistress' sub was explaining that at the charity event, there was a Mistress offering herself for auction to be whipped, flogged, etc. Kind of a rivalry but it should be entertaining none the less. Master P and I both contributed.

Master P learned from the male sub that this Mistress was a whip connoisseur just like Master P is. So he went to talk to her while I sat there. I looked around the room and seen an old friend... L. I went over to her, waited while she talked to some people, then said hello to her. L and I always have hugged, and this was no different. But something was, her hug was strong and long lasting. She was hurting for some reason. I didn't pry to much for she didn't want to talk about it. But she and I hugged again I told her that I loved her. For I do love her, like a sister for she and I are very much alike in so many ways! Then we parted ways to say our hellos to others.

I had seen Sir M. after saying hello to L. So I went up and said hello to him, we hugged, he kissed me on the neck and cheek, and we too a moment to catch up. He paid me a bit of a compliment in that he told me that when he and I played last year, that I took more then what he thought that I could. To me it is a point of honor, to be recognized for being able to endure one of the more stern of Dom's around. After saying my hello to Sir M I returned to the table Master P and I were at. master P was surprised (just as I was) at how many people I knew lol.

Some people began playing, some people went for the pot luck, we sat there continuing to talk. Eventually Master P and I went for something to eat. He looked over the pot luck and just wanted what I think was carrot cake. So he asked me to get him a piece of cake while he went and got us something to drink. I had Jack & Coke and he drank Coke. I grabbed a little of the pepper steak and rice, along with a couple apple slices and a small piece of brownie. Whoever made the pepper steak... I have to get their recipe! Returning to the table with Master P's plate and mine.

Eventually Master P asked me if I was ready to play. I told him that I was and he handed me black tape (to cover nipples) and I went to the rest room. When I returned, Master P picked a suitable piece of furniture and we went over to it. He had me remove my blouse leaving my red bra on. My skirt remained too. He bound my wrists cuffs to the device and I was his. He had brought a few toys to try and since it was our first time playing, a varied selection of them. He gave me instructions on how he works and we began. Let me say this, horse hair is soft but course, dry but subtle... and it can land sweetly or viciously!

Our play was very nice, for the last time I had been "played" with was last weekend as I wrote about. Even though last week was brief, it was punishing. Master P started softly and slowly increased in level of the blows with the different toys. I was facing the device and he ordered me to close my eyes. Now when some hits land, I "violently" extend my fingers as a half ass way of dissipating that sting or pain. To Master P, this was a signal to stop. He then explained to me and I kept my fingers closed. After a bit, Master P asked me if I had the tape over my nips and I told him that I did. He then undone my bra and let it fall into the space of my elbows.

We continued for a while, and I was loving it as I hope he was. After a bit, he stepped behind me and unzipped he leather skirt I was wearing and helped it down and had me step out of it. So there I was, standing there, wrists tied to the device, my bra down, red thong in place, black lace top stockings, and my heels. I hope I was a sight!

The play was FANTASTIC! After a bit, he asked me if I wanted to turn around... of course I said yes! He untied my wrists, turned me around, then tied my wrists once again to the device. This time I was facing him. Once I was tied, he blindfolded me! Then we played some more. Now the front is much different then getting strikes on the back side (i.e. back, shoulder,s but, etc.). I have to say I did love it just as much as anything else. Of course there is one thing different... my sensitive nipples are on the front lol.

We finished and cleaned up, and I got dressed. We put our things back at our table. I sat for a few minutes to rest and get some relief from standing so long. Then we walked around to look at others playing. There was someone that Master P hoped would be there... a Dom with a very complete Violet Wand system. Master P wanted to see if it was something I would like, so I became a demo girl.

I took my blouse off and he began going through many of the things he had in his kit. For those that do not know what a Violet Wand is, it is an device that has attachments that give like a static discharge "shock". Depending on the setting of the wand depends on the intensity of the shock. Google a Violet Wand and learn for yourself. Of course it is only limited by the imagination of the user. But as he demonstrated on me, I was loving the feeling. The different things gave different sensations of different intensities. I stood there feeling it and had my eyes open and closed for some. I can just imagine myself being tied in one fashion or another (like there is other things on my mind already lol), and being helpless to the application of a Violet Wand!

Like the old commercial goes for Life cereal. Amy likes it, Amy really likes it!

After that it was getting late and close to closing of the party. I began saying my good nights and good byes to those I know and met there. L and came over and we talked for a bit and you could see pain in her face. There is personal things here between her and I that we talked about that I am not mentioning here. But I kept telling her, I am here for her for whatever she needs! Then we hugged, said good night and kissed one another.

master P had gotten my jacket out of his car and brought it to me, then I went and found M. He was saying his good nights and such too. So after a bit, he and I too were heading out the door. Along the way we talked about what is going on and such with my search for a place. I had mentioned being hungry and we tried a McDonald's but they were closed even though the drive through thing said "Welcome to McDonald's". So we pulled through and kept driving. Eventually White Caste called to me. M pulled into the drive through and I offered if he was hungry and he politely declined. I ordered three Jalapeno cheeseburgers, a sack of clams, and a medium Sprite. We pulled out and I ate as he drove. I asked him if he would be willing to help when the time came for me to move. And he said sure he would. M has such a good soul, even though I cannot "feel" him being Dominate. Told him I would get pizza and beer as payment for him and a friend to do the move and he let me know it would happen.

We got back to where I am living now and I hugged him before getting out. The marks of this evenings play did not stay around like the spanking last weekend. I got in the house, everyone was in bed, so I quietly got changed and slid into bed. I was still coming down, so I laid here and watched the rest of Independence Day the movie. Then I turned off the TV and went to sleep.

Today was pretty much a lazy kind of day. Half way through that day I found myself falling asleep for a nap. Before I had taken a nap we talked about getting something for dinner. Leaning heavily towards KFC and those wonderful 11 different herbs and spices lol. I didn't wake up on my own for as I slept, Bella (the dog) jumped onto my feet scratching them and rudely waking me up. Once I got over that lovely burning sensation we talked more about dinner. And we did decide on KFC. We drove there and went in to order. At one point, I decided I wanted a Dr. Pepper and I told the kid behind the counter that I wanted a medium Dr. Pecker. He just looked at me, and I thought about what I had said. Then I started joking about saying things like "it has been a while since I have had a doctor's pecker" and a few other twists on it.

All in all not a bad weekend. Actually leaning towards the better kinds of weekend. I got to play, be "tortured" even though that is a strong word for it, and had a fantastic time at the Dark Nirvana party. Master P is inviting me to the "charity" party next Saturday too. And I am going! One way or another lol.

So I think that pretty much sums up the weekend. The week is not all that notable. H&R Block has cut hours so much that when I get paid next, it is going to be a whole 4 hours pay! Oh well, I wasn't counting on making a living there. But it was nice while it lasted.

Oh, during the day yesterday, before the party, I met with a married couple about a place. We agreed to meet at Applebee's in Belleville. I got there first and they were not far behind me. We got along famously! She is sweet and funny, he is bold and honest. All in all a great match between all of us. Even though I would be the oldest in the house... damn it! lol. I really don't mind my age. I do not look it and many times I do not act it! But they want more then I am comfortable with right now, but it certainly a viable option. I need to explore just a little more before making a decision. I really liked them, they liked me, we got along wonderfully, and it seems like it would be a good matching. So to soon to make that decision yet.

Soon though, soon! Besides, L and I have things to talk about and such too!

Ok, remember to take care of those you love and care about. Tomorrow is never promised. I have been getting comments on my writing in the form of comments here. And they are all posted. Not that I have a problem with honest opinions. The only ones I may ever not allow or approve is anything nasty or disrespectful. Otherwise feel free to tell me what you think about every or anything.

Good Night all and sweet dreams!

Big Hugs,

Amy

This Past Weekend

2010-02-22T18:49:00.001-05:00

Hello Everyone,

Well I have something to write about again. Low and behold, gee but I think that is the purpose of this diary or blog. Well lets see, I will start with the apartment hunt. I first must give a BIG thank you to one of my friends, he picked me up on Friday, took me to a couple places, let me stay over in the area, and then we hit some more. I seen this one, and the lady and I "clicked" on the phone. But when I seen the place, I couldn't get out of there fast enough! The place was a mess, she was an older woman dressed like and 8 Mile Road hooker, wearing small heels that she had no idea of how to wear let alone walk in them!

Then we went to another place in northern Oakland county. It was nice, clean, and spacious. The guy renting the place was nice enough too, but it was rather far removed and hard to get around out there. So I don't think that this one will work out either. There was this wonderful little dog there too. As he and I talked, she slept on my foot at the table. He looked at her in the end and called her a trader lol.

Then M and I went for dinner. A sweet Mexican restaurant. We were seated and I ordered off the board so to say. I had fish and chips at a Mexican restaurant. Yeah, yeah yell at me some other time. While we sat there we drank and talked about the places I seen. Then the Mariachi can to the table and serenaded me. God the feels so wonderful. So our meal came, we ate and left.

M and I like to play pool and darts against each other. Usually we come up with corny bets and such, most I welch on shhhh! Like one time, M bet me that if he won the game, I would have to go into the bathroom, remove my thong, and give it to him. Do you know how much I pay for a thong at Victoria's Secret? Come on lol. But he understood when I lost and didnt do it. So he tied me up for the ride home that night.

Well this night we didnt make any bets, but we talked about some of the ones we had before. I won 6 out of 7 games and think he was working me so I would bet then he would beat the tar out of me. I will never know if I was right or not. But I had a couple beers, he had a couple and we had fun playing pool. The tables were nice, big and clean. Lots of tables in this place too. So he paid the bill and we were done for the night.

The next day he had to work so I waited for him. He took me to this one place. It was a roommate situation. Not bad, been like that before. Anyhow, he was 34, widowed, and living with his dog and two cats. Nice guy, easy to talk too and his "test" was to let the dog come up to me and see if she liked me. The thing I was worried about is, I was dressed for a party later this night. More on that in a minute.

Anyhow, what I thought would take about 20 minutes took and hour and fifth-teen minutes. He showed me the room, good size, hardwood floors and for a bachelor very clean. So after he showed me the room we sat at the kitchen table and talked a bit. He asked about me and I asked about him. The whole time I had to adjust my top, for it kept coming down enough to show the top of my bra. Now when wearing all black, and a bright red bra is poking out, it is going to get noticed.

At any rate, the place is top of the list at this point. So when we finished, I told M that The next place we didnt need to go too. So we headed for the party. It was a dungeon party called Wicked Detroit. It is looking for a new venue for the hall they were using was sold and the new owners told those holding adult themed parties to look for new digs.

Anyhow, M and I got there just before the doors opened. So at 7pm we went in. Inside someone I knew was already there and he gave me a hug. M and I paid our admission and walked in. We found a table and sat down with some others. As is usual for the parties, there is a pot luck meal for everyone. So of course I took part in that. Stuffed shells was wonderful!

Of course more and more people came. There was a number of people that said they would love to meet me, so I invited them to this party. At any rate, I spent most of the evening talking to people and meeting new friends. At one point, H was taken up for play. he was put onto a spanking bench and let me just say this, his ass was beat red and welted! First time I ever paid attention to it from a different perspective.

There was a younger man there with a very pretty brunette. He put her in an leather arm binder and walked her about the place. He was one of the people that wanted to meet me. But because this was her first party like this, I can totally understand his total attention to her. There will be other times.

I continued to talk to people, and noticed this one gentleman. He was a rather good looking guy, but he seemed a bit uneasy about approaching me with others around. So I went to a spot in the room where I was pretty much the only person standing there. Other then those just passing by. Well as I had hoped, he did come up to me. He was another hoping to meet me and we carried on a wonderful conversation. He is a rather soft spoken man, but he seems to say what he is thinking.

He asked me if I would like something to drink and I accepted his offer. He is likely reading this now, and hope that he will not be upset that I am writing about this. At any rate, we talked further over by the bar. Learned a lot actually, both of us I think. At one point I went over to talk to someone else or watch something. Then I found myself drawn to a Violet Wand demo.

The man with the wands was explaining it to another first timer and M. So when I walked up, he was asking who is a brave soul? Of course I stuck my arm out there. It is an very unique instrument. And the imagination only begins on the OUTSIDE! This is a very interesting tool of total torment. Be it easy or dastardly! He had rubbing alcohol and fire cotton. Each was very interesting! But I only felt it on my arm. I will wait until Dark Nirvana to feel it anywhere else.

This person I was talking to was standing there too watching this happen to me. He then told me that he had to get going. He hugged me and kissed me on the lips then ear, and neck and I was history! His hug felt wonderful as did the kissing my neck. He whispered in my ear he should have done this sooner, and I told him, yes you should have lol.

Then he had gone. After he left, S a rather sadistic man came up behind me and grabbed a handful of my hair. He lead me to a spanking bench, hiked up my leather skirt, pushed me down and spanked the hell out of my ass! And he wasnt hitting hard! But it hurt like hell! His hand can deliver a spanking! He didnt tie me down, but he should have. For I sat up more often then he was happy with! God did it hurt! When he let me up, my ass burned and was already showing the bruises! Didnt take him long to work me up! Then he had to go himself.

All night long I had been speaking with a Dom and a Domme that were organizers of this event. He was kind of silly but in a very fun and cute way. She was the same as him but had this devilish look about her that just fit perfectly! She was cute and outgoing, he was cute and silly. All good combinations for me. At any rate, she and I talked much more then he and I did. So when he would go by as her and I were talking, he would put two fingers up to his eyes and motioning that he was watching us. Of course to her and I, this meant we were going to play with him. We teased the hell out of him while we talked.

After S spanked the hell out of my ass. I walked back over to her to talk more. She asked if my ass was burning and I told her it was. She grabbed a chair and pushed me down on it. God that intensified the burning in my butt! She giggled but I kind of expected it. She is a Domme! So as her other half walked by, he asked if we were talking about him. She sat right on my lap facing me, wrapping her arms around me tight so we were cheek to cheek and said of course we are!

They are both wonderful people and we had promised to keep in touch and maybe get together with each other. And true to there word, they found me on FetLife and sent a friend request, which I accepted eagerly. So we will see what cums of it lol.

Now for what I was wearing: black leather short skirt, black see through sequined top, black jacket, red bra, red thong, and my flats. I to some was very fetching in my attire. I wish that I had gotten a chance to play more that night, but I also wanted to meet people and make new friends. There is always more time down the road.

Lets see, on a professional note, my modeling is getting better. I have a couple of strong bookings coming up soon and hope to make many more. I have one confirmed for May near Columbus Ohio. he and I are going to shoot for what he is hiring me for. Then he is going to help me with a fan request for a pantyhose hogtie. I am hoping to get a chance to book with a couple that shoot too for about the same time. They are in the same area of Columbus too so if I can make an entire weekend of it, I will! Fingers crossed please lol.

Well that pretty much does it everyone. All of the news that is news for this alloted period. Remember to write me if you ever want to say hello, have a question, request, whatever. Oh, how could I have almost forgotten this. I am cover model for the Yahoo group Fantasy Girls Next Door. I have posted to that group and will say it again here. Thank you so very much, I am totally flattered!

hugs,

Amy

2010-02-10T11:43:00.001-05:00

Ok, it has happened. The man that I was in a relationship with, has admitted that it is over. It had been for a long time now actually. He just didnt know how to approach it. He and I are both to blame in that we moved to fast at it. So now the search begins for an apartment or place to call home. I really hate moving, but do it when I must, just like many of us do. At least I can say that he was nice about it and offered to help me, and such. He told me that he would still like to be friends which is fine, I dont need to forget him because it didnt work.

Lets see, ok, the other day while I was working, it was a slow dead day in the office. H&R Block wasnt expecting this kind of season, but it turned out like total crap for them. No business or very little when this time last year there were people standing in line to get a seat to wait more. Well anyhow, an H&R Block tech was in the office rearranging the reception desk. So it was slow, I was bored so I was me. I started talking to him, telling him things and finding out things about him. You could feel it between us.

I am up front and bold at times. I am and have always been very flirtatious, and this time was no different. So I would say things to him and check his reaction. He would stand next to me so close that he was brushing against me and so he could smell my hair and perfume. I didnt mind the attention specially since I hadnt had any myself since October 2009.

The time finally came for me to end my work day. He and I were in the back office and talked more. He took me in his arms and hugged me! It was a long and wonderful hugs and I honestly needed it! To feel a mans arms around me again! I am just such an affectionate woman that when I dont have it, it is like a drought in the desert. He let go and we talked a bit more, then hugged again. This time was different though, I looked into his eyes and he into mine. Then we kissed!

He and I have been texting and talking a bit since then, but it is likely just one of those moments in time. And with each conversation, we learn more about each other. I dont know if things will take a turn for us or not. He is married in a loveless relationship and I am getting out of a relationship. Rebounds just SUCK!

Lets see, been talking to more and more fans. And I just love it! Hearing from people that like what I do and want to see more of me. I have kept my pledge so far and wrote back to every fan that has written to me. Some are expressing ideas and what they would like to see, just reaching out and saying hello, and a couple telling me that they would love to meet me at FetishCon 2010 in Tampa this year.

I am so looking forward to being there, it should be such a blast! I will get to meet models that I admire and respect, and make new friends. I will also be able to meet face to face with many producers and riggers in the business. I love bondage and being in this business is perfect for me. I get to do and enjoy something I love (being tied up), make a little money at it, and become known by countless others that like what we all do.

My fans are important to me. For without them, who is left to view and buy the content? With out the fans there would be no industry, no models, no nothing. I will do whatever I can to give any fan of mine what they want (within reason of course). Which is why I love hearing from them and writing them back. To let them know I appreciate them and that I am real. That I am down to earth and not so aloof that they just look without any real feedback. Nope, not me... I want to hear what they have to say. Good, bad, or other. Honest is all I ask for!

I have a shoot scheduled for May in Ohio. That should be really interesting. He and I have been talking for a while now and working on the content of the shoot. Also location since he has a couple in mind. We are planning on doing a couple different shoots with outfit changes and types of ties. God it has me excited just thinking about it lol.

Lets see, really not much else to say. I know I usually write more but just recently got my computer back online. And as things settle for me I will write more and more often I hope. But like I have said many times, I just dont want to write to bore. I mean if there isnt something interesting, people will stop reading. So I write when there is something happening or something to tell.

Hope you all understand...

Biggest of Hugs to all of YOU!

hugs,

Amy

2010-01-29T07:52:00.003-05:00

It has been a long time since I wrote. So here let me tell ya all now...

In December I was hired and began training for H&R Block. January 4th of this year, I had my first real day with them. Now it is a company I used in the past exclusively for my own taxes, back when I was on the job. But when I retired, the need for their knowledge no longer existed. So now I find myself working for them. In my interview they asked me why I wanted to work for Block. I told them because they are professional and so am I. Obviously I got the job.

After working for Block for a month now, I have a new vision of them. Yes they still are professional and know taxes. But the behind the scenes dysfunction is astonishing. During training, I was taught that client focus! If I am dealing with a client either face to face or on the phone, nothing else in the world matters! The tax pros are and were trained that if I am tied up (pun but I wish I were) that they are to come to the front desk or answer the phone by the third ring.

One day each pro I had in the office had a client. I was dealing with a client face to face. And the phones were ringing off the hook. My manager got upset that calls were going to voicemail because I wasnt answering them. Basically, what is taught, is not what is! Another thing I have noticed is that each and everyday, something changes in how we do something. This is unorganized crap! Do something one way, then change it today, and change it again tomorrow.

Now as most of you know I left the job due to injuries I have endured. Well the one that truly ended my career was a back injury. Hence the battle for my job in which I eventually lost. Well that being said, I am technically "disabled". Thus there are things I can do and things I cannot. So when I went to this job, nothing was mentioned about standing the entire shift. So I brought in a letter from my doctor limiting my standing. Block decided that I would only be scheduled for 3 hours per day so I can stand the entire time. Now this is in the face of my schedule reflecting 30, 40, 50+ hours a week in the coming weeks. Then with the letter my hours reduced to 18 max per week! Not worth getting out of bed actually. My manager had expressed her wish of not losing me. For if 18 hours was going to be it, I was going to quit.

All Block had to do is comply with the ADA (American with Disabilities Act) and provide reasonable accommodation, meaning a chair! Block is so set against giving me a chair for my shift they are willing to risk the ADA lawsuit and the fact they restricted my hours can be deemed "retaliation". I am expecting my doctor to say no staying for any length of time now which is going to put Block on the spot. I mean my first letter restricted standing, bending, stooping, lifting, etc. Well each time a client walks in now, I have to bend to reach the bottom draw of a file cabinet to get paperwork. Again in the face of the doctors letter. So we will see.

On a different topic, I WILL be in Tampa come August for the FetishCon 2010! Hell or high water isnt keeping me out! I have my hotel reservation, Vesta is holding my modeling pass for me, and all I need do is wait for a decent flight fare and I am set! This is going to be so good! DizDat has expressed wanting to work together when I get there, and hopefully others will too! God, just thinking of being tied up is bubbling my blood lol.

I do apologize for being out of touch lately. The job is taking time from me as well as seeing to my personal life right now. I need to get my personal life back into order before I can do anything else! When I do you all will know about it and I will make sure it is all out there! I dont hide things, except for as they used to say in "Dragnet" "The names of the innocent have been changed to protect their identity..."

Hugs to all of you and thank you all so very much for your support and love in my modeling career and endeavors. If you write to me and I dont get back to you, please give me a day or two. After that write me again and say "Hey Amy, get off the pot and write me!"

Love you all!!!!
Amy

A New Year

2010-01-02T13:13:00.002-05:00

Hello everyone,

I hope that you all had a wonderful New Years Eve and New Years Day. I also hope that none of you had the misfortune of meeting some of my former colleagues and got into trouble by being arrested for anything. I just everyone had a safe, sane, and wonder evening.

For me, we had about a dozen friends by here and enjoyed the evening together. There was drinks, card games, Wii, and lots of good company. I personally had a whole bottle of my nemesis, white zinfandel wine. For those that dont know what that is to me, it is simple. White zin makes me horny as hell!

I dont want to speak to far out of school here, but I have been in a relationship that has no psychical love in it. So it very much backfired upon me. The man I am involved with and I just simply moved to quickly. At first it was fine, just as most are. But it slowly dropped off, and boom... lonely womansville!

Not sure what I want to do or can do about it for now. I mean I do love him, and feel that he loves me, but something in the mix changed. Not sure what is going through his head either. Kind of a touchy subject without having a back up plan. Like a place to go, etc.

Onto other topics, I have finished my "training" with H&R Block. On Monday what the company calls the beginning of the season, will be the beginning of my perma-smile. Something I am not opposed to, but something I have to get used too. When I was in law enforcement a perma-smile was not protocol.

I am looking forward to it actually. It has been far too long since I was working. I have never been one to sit on my hands unless of course they are tied there somehow lol. I like to be busy and get things done. To see results from my work. Something tangible. The position is seasonal which means that following the tax season, I will be let go until next season. Unless of course they get to a point and offer me something.

We will see! I have started making my plans for FetishCon 2010 in Tampa. Now this will be interesting for me. Last time I was to Florida in the height of summer, I was a child. Now this time last year, I was spending Christmas & New Years in Clearwater Florida. God that was nice. Especially when I would talk to friends back here in Michigan and listen to them bitch about the 12 inch and 10 inch snows that happened here.

I have reserved my room already at the Hyatt. God is that going to be expensive! But I WANT THIS! I want to be able to meet producers, riggers, other models, and of course fans and make new fans. This is likely to be the best way for me to get to know those in the industry and them get to know me. Not to mention hopefully being a demo girl, the fans day (if I called it right), and private sessions in and around the hotel.

The room is gonna cost me, I got a king! Yeah I know, but a woman can enjoy a King cant see? Plus I am booking to arrive on the 4th of August, and flying back here to Detroit on the 9th of August. So 5 days in the sun of Tampa doing something I love. Being tied up! So I have already begun saving for it, and I am hoping to have plenty of money so I can truly enjoy my stay and the parties and such.

I am not planning right now to go to someplace like Bush Gardens, even though it seems close enough. But I wouldnt rule it out if some girls want to go. Or any reasonable person or persons for that matter. But I am looking at FetishCon as what it is, an industry trade show! Work first, fun second. Even though this work is very fun lol.

Well I guess that I will begin to close this entry. I would like to make it known to those of you that read this, that if you happen upon me in public, and wish to say hello... please do! I do this work as a model for two reasons... one being fans! Secondly... becuase it is my way of life! So if you run into me someplace, and would like an photo, autograph, conversation, just say so! I live west of Detroit Metro Airport. I frequent Romulus, Taylor, Wayne, Westland, Belleville, and Livonia. So if you think you see me, stop and say hello. I would love to meet you! I am easy to recognize, I look like I do in photo or video as I do day in and day out.

Ok, so happy new year and all of the best to all of you in 2010! Remember to take care of those you love and care about.

Hugs to all,
Amy

2009-12-28T17:42:00.003-05:00

Christmas has come and gone and now we plan for New Years. I have taken time between posts once again, but I have explained that. I really dont expect people to come read every day to see and hear the same things. There should be more coming after the first of the year, for I will be working the H&R Block job.

I wonder if they would fire me if they knew I am a bondage or adult fetish model? Likely they would since they already have issue with two of my tattoos. I have two japanese symbols, one on top of my left foot meaning strength and one inside my right wrist meaning feminine. They want no exposed tattoos! And with the dress code being buisness, meaning dress shoes and blouses and suits, there is no way to hide the tats. The one on my wrist can be obscured with jewelry or a long sleeve, but not out of sight like they want. The one on my foot, well if I am wearing dress shoes, it is going to be seen. Oh well the worst they could do is fire me.

The kids here went to other family's house with Dave's ex wife. They made out like bandits in the realm of money. And they are incapable of holding onto and saving money. They have to burn through it quickly! The daughter has no compromise for the fact that her father isnt making the money like she had become accustomed. Just to go outside and stand on the deck, she has to do her hair and make up. Im not even that bad!

The boy is into fish now. He got a bigger tank that came with all of the best trimmings. All in all, everything should have or would have cost $200 more if bought separately. He also got a brand new Sony Vaio laptop! So he should be a happy camper, especially for being only 11 years old!

The daughter got no one a gift because she is a selffish little brat. The boy got Dave some tools and me a set of pink diamond earrings. What a great kid! The two are exact opposites! The daughter just expects the world to be handed to her like she is some kind of worthy royalty. To me she is far to arrogant and snobby for 14! She has learned though, that I do not give in like her father does.

A party is planned for New Years. Like who isnt planning one??? I will let you know how that goes when it is over. I start full time on the 4th of January and really am looking forward to it.

Take care of those you Love and I shall let you know more of what is happening as it does happen!

Hugs & Kisses
Amy

2009-12-16T14:31:00.001-05:00

Been a while since I have last updated. First off, even though modeling for me is slow, likely because I am so new to the business, I have found a part time job. Out of more boredom then anything else, I began looking for work about two weeks ago.

On Monday this week, I had gotten a call from a lady at H&R Block. She and I had spoke and she pushed for an interview. So we settled that I would interview Monday evening. I went in for my interview and it went wonderfully. From the moment I sat down, I controlled the conversation. This of course is the same way I used to do my job as a sheriff. I, as I have said before, naturally submissive. But when called for, I can take a dominate roll for work.

So we talked, and they covered their required questions. And we spent the rest of the time talking about my military and sheriff history. They were deeply impressed and told me to come in the following (Tuesday) night for work. They loved the way I carry myself and the confidence that I exude. And it felt as if they have more plan for me then what I am aware of yet. I will be floating offices and working out of four offices not far from me. Two in Belleville and two in Westland. Yeah I know I shouldnt give details like this. But do you know the sheer volume of territory we are talking about? And what if someone finds me, do I really anything to be afraid of?

No word yet as to when I am going to have my next photo shoot. I do still talk to many people that are giving me plenty of ideas for requests when I get to shoot again. I am still planning on getting around after the first of the year to other producers. But it will likely be me cramming things into an whirlwind weekend of bondage! Not that I am complaining mind you lol. I jusst hate bondage. Yeah I did choke a little saying that. For any of you that read this know I LOVE bondage and being tied up and helpless.

My own thoughts have gone in many directions lately. From mild and simple to wild and OMG! The idea of getting out and shooting with the guys from Kink.com some day. The more I think about what and how they do things, just gets me going in wonderful ways. The only thing about them that makes me wonder is, of all of their work, I have not seen a mature woman like myself in there dastardly clutches! I will do more research and maybe just email them to talk and see what there thoughts are.

Other then all of that, Christmas planning is ongoing. We will have a couple guests as seems to be the trend for us at holidays. I have gotten a couple of things for the kids and they will certainly like them. I am wanting to find a book that will help our 11 year old learn to play his guitar. The 13 year old, hell who know. She is very difficult to figure out and or buy for.

Dave has been working and things between him and I are neutral. Of course things could be a lot better but hey, life is not predicable. Things will get better, stay the same, or fall apart. There is nothing more that I can do to "force" the direction life is going. Maybe with me getting work it will help lift things from his mind. Only time will tell things anymore.

Well the son is soon to get home from school. I need to finish a couple things before he walks in so I can help him with homework if he needs it. The daughter is doing much better and not getting any missing assignments. I hope this lasts and that she understands the importance of her turning everything in.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to all of you! I am not sure if I will update again before the new year so I am saying it now!

Remember, any of you can reach me at my email of msamyweber@gmail.com

Hugs & Kisses
Amy

2009-12-04T08:47:00.002-05:00

Good Morning,

I know that when I last wrote, I left or ended my entry with concern. For that I am extremely sorry and ask for forgiveness. Just recently things in my life have piled up and spilled over. When it comes to matters in which I have no control over, what can I do about it? All it seems that can be done is to try and deal with it and make it go away.

Thanksgiving was good here. No issues, no bullshit, just family and friends enjoying a great dinner together. On the 23rd Dave and I had gone to the store for everything we needed for the dinner and day. We bought our turkey, ham, and fixings. The turkey was 14 pounds, the biggest one we found, the ham was 8 pounds, etc. Since we were planning on 5 adults and 3 kids, we needed more then a 14 pound bird.

So the morning of Thanksgiving we get up. He takes the bird out of the fridge for me and puts it in the sink. We bought it thawed so there were no cold spots. He doesnt like cleaning a bird so I did it. I opened the bag, and got the bird out. I reached inside to get the neck and he walked into the livingroom and told one of the kids playfully, "Yuck! She has her hand in the turkey!" Im standing at the sink laughing as I remove the neck, then spin the bird so I can get the gizzard, liver, and heart out of it.

I made sure I got everything then I rinsed the bird and such. After patting it dry, I took some butter we had seasoned up and worked it under the skin and massaged it onto the meat. Then rubbed the bird with more butter. We seasoned, and covered the bird and started the oven. He put it in the oven for me, and I started on peeling the eggs for the deviled eggs.

Now dont you just hate when the meat of the egg sticks to the damn shell as your peeling it? I know I do! I got so frustrated I walked away from them for a few. Dave went in and peeled a couple and eventually we got them all peeled. I made the filling for the eggs and he cut them and readied them for filling.

I love the little trick of putting the filling in a sandwich bag and cramming it all into a corner then snipping the corner like a baker's decorating bag. Works wonderfully trust me! So through the day we made our sides and extras and so on. In the end just before company arrived, I made the mashed potatos and extra stuffing, and and and...

Lets just agree that it was a heck of a spread! A friend of Dave's with his wife and two boys, one of them is 19 so that is the 5th adult were our guests. They brought a couple dishes and one hell of a decedent cake! It was rich and smooth and chocolaty! Can you tell, like any woman I like my chocolate?

Dinner was served, and of course the conversation, and it was just a great time. Of course after dinner there was more conversation and of course we had some drinks. The kids started playing the Wii and ours challenged one of theirs to a "Guitar Hero" battle. So that was entertaining.

Of course all good things come to an end. And so did this night. After relaxing a little, I went into the kitchen and began the task of facing the daunting pile of dishes! Looming before me like some cartoon novel monster! Well I just got into it. One dish at a time is all anyone can do. So I did about half of them. Either washing them or putting them in the dishwasher until I couldnt fit any more. And starting that wonderful workhorse of a machine before going to sit down again.

By the end of the night, Dave had emptied the dishwasher and done the remaining half of them. So in the morning it was nice walking into a clean kitchen. One would have never known that Thanksgiving was the day before! Except for the leftovers! Yummy!

Since Thanksgiving, there hasnt been much. I had heard from JJ Plush about trying to shoot with me again before Christmas. I hope it happens, I just love what I am doing so much! And being around JJ is just fantastic! Always such a bubbly personality and what a smile! Could melt butter I do believe! Come on know, all of you that know her know that to be true! I just love her bunches!

Other then being the housewife, there isnt much to mention. I say housewife, but he and I havent married yet. We may or we may not. One of the kids did ask me the other day if I was going to be his stepmom. I thought that was just precious! I got to change the topic quickly because how do I answer that?

With all of that, I will begin to close this entry. Please remember that if any of you would like to reach me, you can with email at msamyweber@gmail.com or on Twitter at AmyMarieWeber or www.tagged.com with msamyweber, and so forth. You wont find me on Facebook for I dont like that they use photos how they want to!

Thank you all for following me and supporting me in my modeling endeavors.

Hugs to all of you!

Amy

2009-11-25T10:06:00.001-05:00

Well it is the day before Thanksgiving. I find myself with a mixed bag of emotions. I have concerns and worries about my personal life. I have hopes for my future. All a very confusing clutch of thoughts and feelings. I am going to get into it here, and if you do not have an open mind, or want to know a darker side of me, then please stop reading and check back another time.

I will start with my personal life. I had met the man I currently love, a few months ago. There is something about me and my past that I only share with a select few. It isnt something the world at large needs to know. So I called D and told him there is something I have to tell him. He tried to get me to tell him over the phone, but it is one of those things you just have to tell in person. No matter how much you want to tell it from afar.

So anyhow, D came by and we sat around a fire pit and drank Mike' Hard Lemonade's. I explained to him how difficult it is to tell him for my fear of lossing him because of it. He looked at me and told me, "As I told you on the phone, how I feel about you, nothing can matter!" So with tears in my eyes, I began to tell him.

No matter how many times I have told someone I am involved with, it just never gets any easier. Not to mention no matter how many times someone tells me it wont matter, it usually does. So I tell him and he looks at me again and says, is that all? I was amazed and happy. Then he and I began heading towards a life together.

At first everything was fine and normal. Then slowly it began to change to him and I just existing together. Yes I feel he loves me, just as I love him. But love doesnt seem to be enough to hold and keep us together. His mind is working him over on the topic. He one minute is talking to me about long term plans, then he is telling me that he is not sure what we are going to do.

All I know is I am tired of being hurt. I am tired of thinking I found the one that I will make a life with for the rest of my life just to have been teased once again. Am I a horse and my happiness the carrot being dangled in front of me? I do know that I have been having thoughts that I surely should not be having, but then at the same time, think about tomorrow.

God I am just so fucked up right now I dont know if I am coming or going. Why cant a man tell me that he loves me without conditions? Is that just so hard to find? Why cant I find someone that loves me for me and who I am and can support things out of my control? I mean D expects me to find a solution to the issue at hand like right now. And it is something that just doesnt get resolved overnight.

I mean I moved in with D, I take care of him and his kids everyday. I am a housewife without being married. But yet I am a maid and babysitter. I cannot handle this life, it has always been a trial by fire for me. I am tired of fighting to just survive and make it day to day. Why do a small few have life and happiness handed to them (and most times it is not appreciated) and why do the mass majority have to fight to live?

These are just thoughts and feelings. Of course with the holidays coming it is not going to be easier, but more difficult. Time is the only thing that will tell what is going to be. I just am not looking forward to being hurt once again, especially during the holiday season. I thought for sure I would be happy during the holiday's for once!

Chin up right? We will see!

Remember, find reasons to be thankful on Thanksgiving! Even though it is ugly for me right now, I will be thankful for these things:

My daughter
her succeeding in life with college, work, and a boyfriend
my friends and those that call me friend
for those that have found me through being a model for something most of us have a passion for
for fans I have gotten to know

Happy Thanksgiving

XOXOXO
Amy

2009-11-20T10:17:00.003-05:00

I feel empty even though I am not. I feel alone even though I am not alone. I feel sad and that no matter what I do, I cannot make the right decisions for my personal life. I made a choice to become involved with a man that has two children, one 13 and the other 11. I became involved with a man that does not know what he wants.

He told me when we were dating that I could never tell him something that would change the way he feels about me. Those were magical words to me for they meant the world. He and I made the choice to be together and he proposed, of course I accepted. We moved to fast!

Things about me that do not sit well with him have become a wedge in our relationship. He tells me that he loves me and I believe him. But then he does things that make me feel as if I do not matter to him. His 13 year old daughter is a carbon copy of her mother, a lazy girl that thinks the world is going to do it her way.

Last night was conferences for the daughter. She had brought home a progress report that showed 4 missing assignments. Her explanation was what you would expect from a 13 year old, "I turned them in. I dont know why they didnt get counted." He told her that she had not be lying to him. She brought home another progess report saying that the teacher allowed her to make up 3 of the 4 assignments. Well last night we discovered that not only did she lie, but she was missing assignments in other classes and got an E in math. When asked why she isnt doing her homework, she said because her mathbook is to heavy to bring home. Each day when they come home, I ask 2 questions... 1) How was your day? 2) Do you have any homework?

So not only did she lie, she has lied to me each day! He had threatened since the progress report that he better not find out she is lying. Or he would lose her cell phone and laptop indefinitely! We walked outside to the car and he told her he would not tell her brother because then he would have to hear it from him as to why she gets away with things! And she certainly does! Nothing was done, nothing was taken, no punishment at all! Not to mention that her lying to me just went unnoticed!

Just what the fuck? I guess I do not matter and that I am now some glorified babysitter. From this point on, I dont care how either of them do in school. He doesnt, so why should I? They are not my children, and he has shown me it doesnt matter so why should I try? Not only that, why should I even stay?

Since being together, he has told me that we will be moving up north Michigan to be closer to his father. That hasnt happened even though I put weeks of research and time calling people with places available and looking for work for him up there. Now the current landlord has another place available about 20 minutes away from here. It is a better place, once it is remodeled. He was all set and ready to take this place. Then we took the kids by there, and 3 of us were all for it. But the daughter did nothing but complain, I dont want to move, I dont want to go to a different school, this place is ugly, you name it!

Last night, he tells me he thinks we should stay put here. When I asked why he just aid he likes it here. Well that tells me in addition to last night at the school, she runs this house! A 13 year old calling the shots! A grown man that cant stick by what he says to teach and properly discipline a 13 year old that is going to grow up thinking that someone is always going to give her what she wants. How is she supposed to learn to deal with things she doesnt like? How is she going to learn to be responsible? Quick answer... SHE WONT!

So now I have decided to myself that I will talk to him tonight about being put to the side last night. I will talk to him about why we are not moving! I will talk to him about us! I expect to be out on my ass by tomorrow morning! And the sad thing is, he and I are so intergrated now, I am going to lose hundreds of dollars in things property wise let alone not having a place to go, or anything! It is going to be an ugly Thanksgiving, and looking like it is going to be very lonely for me.

I wish I knew why I cannot make sound choices in my personal life. I wish I had more to fall back on, but being retired like I am, I cannot make it one my own. I just cannot afford it! So into the total unknown. My life will continue or it will come to an painful end.

Remember to let the ones you love know that you do love them! Be open minded to things in life for it is not black and white anymore. There is every color in the rainbow out there. There are straight people, gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals, transsexuals, white people, black people, brown people, olive people, yellow people, EVERYTHING! Just because someone may be different doesnt mean anything.

Hugs and Good bye,
Amy

2009-11-05T15:25:00.000-05:00

Today I would like to write about something other then being a bondage model. I will be talking about the United Starts Marine Corps, the branch in which I serve proudly for 8 years. First a little history.

The Marine Corps was formed in a place called Tuns Tavern. The year was 1775 and the date was November 10th. Every year since, the Marine Corps has celebrated this day with the Marine Corps Ball. The Marine Corps was formed initially as a force to combat piracy about merchant shipping. The Marines performed there jobs well, but the pirates were very skilled with swords and slashed many a Marine. So the Marines of the time came up with a thick, stiff piece of leather that covered the neck to prevent them being slashed. From this the term Leatherneck was born.

Marines went on to gather other nicknames. Most notably in the war with the Germans, Marines fought so fiercely that the German soldiers nicknames Marines Devil Dogs! Of course Jar Head is a slang term with many different meanings.

My personal experience is this. In 1984 I enlisted in the Marine Corps out of the recruiting office downtown Detroit at the old Federal Building. My recruiter was Duncan Wallenace and we had become friends. Walley had his work cut out for him with my enlistment. I was 17 and not legally able to sign for myself. I also havent graduated high school.

Walley had gotten me an early test at my school to see if I was eligible to graduate out of the 11th grade. I took the test and passed it with an A-. I was given my diploma without ceremony but with a hug and a handshake. One thing down, one to go.

Walley had a friend of his that was a lawyer. He spoke to him and this lawyer took my case pro bono to help me with emancipation. That is simply an big word to make me legally an adult and capable of signing for myself as if I was 18. The judge during the hearing toyed with me. He would ask a question of me and I would answer in a soft quiet tone. The judge at one point looked at me and said "You know, if your going to be a Marine, you will need to learn to SPEAK UP!" Yelling the speak up part. Some in the courtroom laughed and giggled, I did. From that point on, he had no trouble hearing me.

In July 1984 I boarded a plane and flew to boot camp. I wont get into details about boot camp, for it is different for everyone. But we all have a good idea of how it goes. While I was fighting to be able to enlist, I was helping in the recruiting office. The Marine Corps had a program where if I helped find and enlist two people, I would get a promotion to Private First Class (PFC) before even getting to boot camp. While in boot camp I excelled and managed to graduate with a meritorious promotion on top of my being a PFC to Lance Corporal (LCpl).

From boot camp I took advantage of leave time and came back to Michigan. Again I worked in the recruiting office. Upon my return to the Fleet Marine Force (FMF) I shipped off to MOS training for the MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) of Administrative/Operations Clerk. I enlisted with Military Police (MP) being my chosen job field. After graduating from admin school, an opening opened in the MP school.

I shipped right over and became an MP. I excelled again, since law enforcement is in my blood (almost literally). I was assigned to HQ Battalion Camp Pendleton California. My assignment was the locating and retrieval of deserters. This was right up my alley since I hada knack for finding them. Sadly there was a lot of deserters, and it was peacetime! It was a few months and again I was meritoriously promoted to Corporal (Cpl). At this time I had shipped of to NCO (Non Commissioned Officer) school. There I learned leadership traits and how to be an effective leader. Of course there was a lot more to it, but that is what the Marine Corps does, it makes leaders!

Following NCO school, I returned to MCB (Marine Corps Base) Pendleton. It wasnt long before I was assigned to Georgia locating and bringing back deserters. I was there for one year before returning to California. I was an MP for 5 years of an 8 year enlistment. My last three years I spent back here in Michigan recruiting. When I became a recruiter, that to entailed schooling, and a promotion to Sergeant (Sgt). And as odd as it is, working out of the office in which I enlisted from. That would have 1989 when I came back to Michigan.

While back in Michigan and working as a recruiter, a lot happened for me. For one, I met someone, feel in love, and got married. And not long after that, my daughter was born. I was recruited by a few police departments in Michigan. This is when I talked to the Gunnery Sergeant in charge of my office and we worked it out.

I took the job with a local sheriff's department. So at one point I was a Marine recruiter, a deputy sheriff, and mom all at once. There was another in the office that was also an US Marshall. That is a job I would want! But instead since having a new family and two jobs, elected to stay right here in Michigan.

I would ask of any and all that read this, that on November 10th, raise a glass, a water, coffee, or a drink and toast the Marine Corps for its 234rd birthday celebration. Then take a moment of silence for all of the Marines lost in combat and fighting for our country.

Semper Fi

Amy Weber
Sergeant
United States Marine Corps

2009-11-01T13:48:00.000-05:00

Hello Everyone,

Hope you all had a wonderful and fantastic Halloween. I did for sure! Lets see, it started out with all of the last minute prep for the party we were hosting with a neighbor. Then came time to get ready in costume. I will post a picture as soon as I can.

My stepson Alex helped me get ready by being the one to happily splatter me with blood lol. After getting everything set, some kids walked up for candy. I stood there and the kids hesitated then I waved them to the candy bowl.

After all that, Alex and his friend John and I started heading out for them to trick or treat. We entered the neighborhood and at the second house, there was two women and guy walking with a child, the girls were like "OH cool costume, I want a picture." So they stood on either side of me and put their arm around me and mine around them and the picture was taken. That took place ALL night! A few dozen photos in all. But I loved it! Halloween is my all time favorite holiday.

So after they got sacks full of candy, we headed home to the party. My Dave was in the garage hosting when I walked in. Everyone loved my costume. Most other di simple costumes, and the neighbor that was co-hosting the party was Mother Nature. She really looked good. It was a well put together costume. She could have been Mother Nature or a forest fairy or anything along those lines. My Dave was a pilot complete with flight suit.

The turnout for the party was GREAT! Over 60 people made it, we had food, drinks, candy, a huge bonfire, and lots of happy people enjoying themselves. I am so happy that everything went so well.

Everything started ending, and came to a complete end at about 230am after the clock change. Dave and I came in and watched TV for a few, then went to sleep planning on clean up today in the morning.

I have been getting more feedback on my chat with me suggestion. The feedback is all positive. So as soon as I find a site to host, I will let everyone know and we will get this up and running. A fan wrote me and mentioned how I am doing so much for my fans. I wrote him back explaining that without the fans I have and gain, I would not go far in this business of modeling. Without fans, I would be nothing on the net. So I want to thank all of you that call yourselves my fans, and say it will meaning from the bottom of my heart.

Hugs,
Amy Weber

Halloween!

2009-10-31T13:29:00.002-04:00

Hello everyone, it is finally Halloween. My favorite holiday. We are hosting a Halloween party and at present count, 60 some guests. This really should be interesting. We have everything set up and ready to go for tonight. I have my costume ready and I hope that it scares the hell out of people lol.

So this is just a short note...

Hugs,
Amy

2009-10-24T10:45:00.002-04:00

Hello there everyone,

Well, the video has finally arrived! Steve Villa has finished editing and put it on his clips 4 sale site. Here is a link to it http://www.clips4sa le.com/studio/ 3961. You will have to pay and download it, but I have gotten some feedback and it has been positive. For those of you that download it, I hope you will be happy. I also encourage any feedback from you about it.

You can reach me at msamyweber@gmail.com for anything you would like. Be it feedback, comments, criticism, requests, etc. I have always had a personal rule that if someone writes to me, I make the time to write them back. It is only fair.

JJ Plush got herself buried by work, and she is taking some time to get her house in order before she and I plan another shoot. I can hardly wait! I have a few requests right now, and welcome any and all. Of course it will take time to get to all of them, but I will do everything that I can to make any request come true. Of course the requests need to be reasonable lol, I know how some people can get a bit foolish in thoughts.

I hope to be traveling sometime soon, likely after the first of the year to do shoots with other photographers/riggers. I so want to do this, for I have a love of bondage. Had this love for many years and am finally able to make it happen for more then just bedroom fun. I can remember running around with friends finding ANY reason to be tied up. Cops and robbers, cowboys and indians, whatever excuse lol.

I will let you all know when something happens. Remember to take care of yourselves and those you love and care for.

Til next time,
Hugs,
Amy

2009-10-19T22:16:00.000-04:00

Good evening everyone, just a short post tonight. I have been met with great welcome to the world of bondage modeling. People have only seen a few of the things I have done to this point, and I wish and want to do so much more! I have many years of modeling in me, and things can only get better as I do more.

I have a Twitter for those of you that wish to follow me and see what is going on. Although I do not lead and exciting life as some others do, attending parties and hitting the clubs. For me life is more staying at home or doing things with my fiance and the kids. Yeap, I am a mother, does that make me a MILF? Hmmm guess you all have to tell me on that one lol.

At any rate, I have many invitations to travel to the different photographers and riggers around the country. And I sure do plan on taking the invitations seriously and getting as much as I can. I am a model that truly loves the topic of what it is I am modeling. I love bondage! I also get into the "lifestyle" of D/s or BDSM. There are munches around town that I attend. I can also appear for a group or party if someone would be so inclined to ask me.

Ok, here is the Twitter: www.twitter.com/AmyMarieWeber

Thank you all for the great welcome and see you all soon...

Hugs,
Amy

2009-10-09T23:20:00.001-04:00

2009-10-09T23:02:00.000-04:00

Hello there, this is my blog in reference to my modeling for adult fetish. mostly my modeling will be bondage. I have had such a great return in regards to feedback thus far! Here you will find anything related to my modeling. Be it thoughts, feelings, requests made by fans, different offers from photographers, etc.

With that, this is short and sweet! More to come soon...

Hugs,
Amy